an arm and a leg...

...is what i'd give for this kakashi plushie. Its selling on ebay for like 45USD. So ladies and gents, xmas passed already. I hate to say it, but christmas is getting more and more depressing each year.... present-wise that is. Hahaha. how sad, i'm all about the presents baby. I opened my first 2 presents and they consisted of a perfume (which i still believe is a man's cologne), and a baby blue nike sweater (if you've seen what i wear you'll know i dont wear baby blue). Haha i asked my mom if she wanted either. And after those 2 presents I was already 3/4 done. le sigh. Hahah my parents got me a chinese translator machine thing. Supposed 2 be pretty high tech, but i haven't figured out how to use it yet. My brothers got me a nintendo DS. which i told them was my favorite present of the. yahoo. Hahah i've been playing mario 64 nonstop for the past 2 days and I've got 40 stars already. I remember when i was like 10 and playing the original mario 64 it took me 2 months to get 40 stars. Hahah so sad. Any ways i should probably go to sleep. Or actually i plan on sitting in bed and playing mario till the battery dies. Mwa ha ha.

never again.

even though there was over 100 people at kyoto's staff party today, i have never felt so alone in my entire life. It was so awkward, and i just sat by the hostess stand eating dinner. I had like 1/4 of what i couldve eaten because i was depressed. I almost cried when my servers asked me where my brothers were. I'm positive that i was the only one who was there by themselves. Its absolutely impossible that one couldn't have found at least one friend to bring with them, UNLESS you are corinna. My brothers decided they had better things to do than give face and come w/ me to my staff party. they decided that they would much rather clean the toilet than come w/ me. pretty disgusting that they were my last hope eh? I dont think anyone has any clue as to how much this meant to me. In elementary, and high school and university i didn't have that many friends. and the ones that i had i loved being with. I love all my friends and family and i'm happy when everyone is happy and together. I love spending time w/ them and i dont really like being alone. So imagine if you will how it would feel to have your closest friends move away. Yeah so i thought i got over it, and i figured it wasn't so bad. But today it was really hard. It just made me realize how little friends i have when i couldn't find anyone to go with. And when my brothers didn't want to go and instead stayed at home doing something they could do any other day, imagine how i felt. It was that horrible feeling all over again of being alone. Thats all i could think of even though i was surrounded my so many people. so naturally i cried. i cried to work, i cried from work. i cried after work in the tub. pretty sad because i went to soak in the tub and when i lay down i cut myself on a mother fucking piece of glass IN THE TUB. but in reality it wasn't that bad cuz i was already bleeding anyways from my own self inflicted injuries. it worries me though cuz last time i did this i dont remember their being any blood, and this time (it couldve just been cuz i was in the tub and wet) it actually started dripping a little. so yeah it appears my life is actually getting worse, and not better as i previously though. little bit worried what might happen if there is a next time. this is so sad. it just fucking SUCKS that i dont have anymore close friends out here. I seriously couldve used one tonight. i wouldve loved to have someone to TALK TO during dinner tonight, and if not that i would've loved to have a friend's place to go to after the party. I didnt want to come home to this stupid apartment where my brothers are completely fucking oblivious to how much pain i'm in. i serioiusly dont understand sometimes how i'm even related to them. fuck i shoulve just rented a hotel like i originally thought and stayed there for the night. I coulda fucking cut myself as much as i wanted there and at least i wouldn't feel bad about no one worrying because i'm actually fucking alone.

hey

so yeah, my pretty good day today just turned really bad in an hour. all because my brothers are jerks. so christmas day is coming up and kyoto is having their yearly staff party. and this is the first year where i'll actually be able to go cuz i'm in town. each person is supposed 2 be allowed to bring 2 people. however my brothers are jerks and they wont come w/ me. and all my friends are out of town. rather my only friends are out of town. so no one will go with me. i started crying in the car today because i was really sad. its such a stupid thing but it means a lot to me. like, i was never popular in school and i always had very few friends and i always felt that people didn't like me and that they thought i was weird. after i got my job at kyoto i started to open up a bit. but also at the same time i always still feel this barrier between me and my workmates because i dont open up completely and i still sit by myselves sometimes. Like all the servers and chefs see each other outside of work at least once a week to have dinner or shopping or something, so they're pretty close. and like, i just dont want to go to a staff party and have dinner by myself. and i'll feel really awkward joining another family while they're trying 2 have dinner. and i think if i go i might risk even crying because i'll be reminded of how isolated and lonely i am. like honestly, how could one person not have a single friend thats in town that they can take? and worse of all is that my two brothers, 2 ppl who are supposed 2 be closer than friends won't even come with me. that makes me really really sad. like are they ashamed of me or something, i dont see whats the problem with taking 2 hours out of their *busy* life to have free dinner with their sister. it makes me so angry and sad. so i think i'm going to leave before dinner 2morrow, because i really dont want to be there by myself, otherwise i seriously might just sit in a corner and cry. ugh, God, why do you chose to make my life so miserable, and even though i know others have it a LOT worse than not having a dinner date, could you at least stop making me think so hard? if i was a vane, uncaring person then i really wouldn't care about this crap would i? i just think its really unfair how life really isn't equal, and what goes around certainly does NOT come around.
so yes, i'm going to go and take some of the pressure off this hurting feeling i got inside me by doing some you know what *wink wink nudge nudge*

Batmaru

Hello everyone, This is Batman Mashimaru. I bought him today at T&T. hohoho. I'm sad now because there was a Spiderman Mashimaru, Superman Mashimaru, and Ultraman Mashimaru i didn't buy them. After i got home today i felt that Batmaru was a bit sad from being seperated from his fellow superhero-maru's. If i have time i will go back to WEM and buy the rest of them. HOHOHO. but what makes Batmaru EXTREMELY special is that the lady UNDERCHARGED ME for him!!!! (yes that requires FOUR exclamation marks) i'm pretty sure i remember the price tag being 9.99. But after i paid and left the store i looked at the receipt and seen 5.98! I quickened my pace after so she couldn't chase me. MWA HAHAA. haha yes that is my exciting news for the day today.
I've been scheduled to work like a horse this week. Its crazy. I'm working all day 2morrow (friday. aka the death dealing day). Sigh. My only motivation is that I seriously need money to pay for the 1000$ i've spent on xmas gifts. sob sob. Haha. and here i am still buying useless mashi's. Oh i seen a guy at work today who i thought looked like one of my classmates who i used to have a uber crush on. haha. I seen him a couple times and every time i see him i always think the same thing. But yeaaah. Thats all for now. I should prolly sleep now and prepare for the long day ahead of me 2morrolow.
PS walmart is supposidly open 24 hours this week ;) See Ya all there tomorrow!

Today is the week were they didn't have a secret rendevous

So, proof of how Barley, Ben and Bob are in cahoots. Last week and the week prior too I saw all 3 of them (well i guess minus Ben because i think he only comes in on saturdays) And this ENTIRE WEEK. I saw....'neither of them'.... dun Dun DUUUUN. Hahah which is a good thing i guess. Because i looked pretty bad. Last week i guess from all the stress and cleaning I looked like i should've been quarrantined.... seriously. My lip bloated up and started bleeding, my ear got infected, my nose was all stuffy, my eyes were kinda red, and i had breakouts gallore (most noticeably the giant pimple on my nose) Dear Lord it was quite sad. So whoever pays attention to this blog, should know that i moved out of my room and am currently sharing a different one w/ my brother. I'd just like to note how 'extremely' hard it is to fall asleep in that room. Its so f'ing hot in there. Also, my brother likes to turn on his super bright lamp when i am sleeping, or trying to sleep, and i therefore do not fall asleep. He also likes to play his new PSP hooked up to his speakers when i am sleeping or trying to sleep and i also therefore do not sleep. le sigh. So i had maybe like 3-4 hours of sleep last night before getting up this morning at 10 to go 2 work till 9. *sob sob*

But aside from that my mom came back from HK. Whoo-HA-whoo. I was trying 2 study in the living room for my mandarin final and she kept on empyting out her suitcase showing me everything that she bought. She actually put clothes on top of my notes and said *LOOK A MOY!!!!* Hahah, my mom bought me a lot of stuff. I feel kinda bad.... but at the same time i dont because i'm a greedy bastard. OHOHOH. But also at the same time, i am too fat to wear all the cool clothes she bought me from HK. The skirts she bought me are too short cuz my hips are to big, and the hoody she bought me....well lets just say HK ppl have f' ing short arms. The hoody looks like a 3/4 sleeve when i wear it, and then i just feel like an idiot wearing it because i know its not supposed 2 be 3/4 sleeve. Sigh, i'll try and change the sleeves during xmas break or something. But anyhoo, i gotta go 2 bread now, so i can fall asleep before my brother goes 2 sleep, and also so that i can wake up early 2morrow and study for my 2 exams that i have on tuesday.... Oooooh shoot me now!!

With my powers of super stalking....

....i was able to discover Barleys real name! However.... i extremely embarassed myself today. and yes i know that sentence is grammatically incorrect. So anyways. Barley and his lady friend came in today. And we only had table 4 open so i took them there. And aside from 'hi' and 'table for 2', he hasn't really said anything to me before. So i was extremely surprised when he noticed that i wasn't wearing contacts today and said soemthing like "Of all the times i've seen you, i dont think i've ever seen you wear glasses." and he smiled at me. And because i was in extreme shock from the that only thing i managed to do was so 'squeak' out a sighed *aaaaw*. I have ABSOLUTELY no idea why i said that. And after i said that i put down their menus and ran away. hahah GREAT impression Corinna. Great. le sigh. Of all the things i could have said. I could have laughed a witty laugh, said 'i dont wear them often', made a joke about being lazy, ANYTHING but squeaked out that sound. SIIIIGH hahah i seriously am living a the life of a cheezy teen flick aren't i. But yeah. barley is pretty, and i honestly think he has an azn fetish. All of his lady friends are all azn. Wee-yad. BUT change of pace here.

I dont think i've actually commented on volume 10 of Trigun Maximum yet. But, it was extremely good, and EXTREMELY sad. i read it the same amout of times as vol. 9, and i think i like 10 more. Vash made a much appreciated appearance. Oh poor vash...OH POOR WOLFWOOD. *sob sob* But, from what i believe I think Livio will make and excellent....new partner for Vash. Le sob. I know there was a longer more intriguing entry for this but i am extremely tired, and my vision is starting to shake. I got demoted in living accomodations today. Hahah, from my own suggestion, but i moved out of my room, and am now sharing a room w/ my big brother so that my 2nd brother will stop being a jerk and sleeping on the couch. Sooo sacrificed some of my privacy so my brother could get his back. But ah whatever. I guess it was worth it, I haven't seen Tchow smile that many times in a long time, so i guess its all good. Hahah. But on the other hand our place looks like its been hit by a tornado....

Doo dee doo, I seen Barley tonight!

Ho hum. Today was the official last day of classes. I was so excited because I would finally get the night off, and I was looking forward to taking an extra long nap. Alas I had a feeling that this would not be the case. For at 3 30 my workmate called me and asked me to work for her. Annnd since i no longer had class 2 attend, I had no excuse. So I went to work. And made some much needed money. As will happen tomorrow as well after i got suckered into working all day. Sigh.... BUT on the plus side i seen Barley today. Him and his supah gangsta buddies. Hohoho. I tried to avoid standing suspiciously at the hostess stand as he waited for his buddies to pay. So i went and cleaned every table possible. And even after that he was STILL standing there waiting for his lady friend to pay. So i waited in the kitchen for the longest time ever. And came back out. And he was STILL there. So i went and stood by the hostess stand for several awkward mintues having nothing to do. hahaha. Yes. that is my story. La Fin. I dont nkow why i'm avoiding that guy either.... weeeird. Wlep i gotta go sleep now so i can spend my whole day making money.... sigh.

While at the Library Reading a Fable

Ho hum heres another fable I found to be pretty interesting. This one more funny than the previous one

The Lion, The Fox, and the Stag

A lion sick in his den, unable to provide himself with food. So he asked to his friend the Fox, who came to ask how he did, "My good friend, I wish you would go to yojnger wood and beguile the big Stag, who lives there, to come to my den" I have a fancy to make my dinner off a astag's heart and brains." The Fox went to the wood and found the Stag and said to him, "My dear sir, you're in luck. You know the Lion, our King: well, he's at this point of death, and has appointed you his successor to rule over the beasts. I hope you wn't forget that I was the first to bring you the good news, And now I must be going back to him; and, if you take my advice, you'll come to and be with him at the last." The Stag was highly flattered, and followed the Fox to the lion's den, suspecting nothing. No sooner had he got inside than the Lion sprang upon him, but he misjudged his spring, and the Stag got away with only his ears torn, and retunring as fast as he could to the shelter of the wood. The Fox was much mortified, and the Lion, too, was dreadfully disappointed, for he was getting very hungry in spite of his illness. So he begged the Fox to have anohter try at coaxing the Stag to his den. "It'll be almost imipossible this time," said the Fox, "but I'll try"; and off he went to the wood a sencond time, and found the Stag resting and trying to to recover from his firgnt. As soon as he saw the Fox he cried, "You scroundrel, what do you mean by trying to lure me to my death like that? Take yourself off, or I'll do you death with my horns." But the Fox was entirely shameless. "What a coward you were," said he; "surely you didn't think the Lion meant any harm? Why, he was only going to whisper some ryal secrets intyou your ear when you went off like a scared rabbit. You have reather disgusted him, and I'm not sure he won't make the wold King instead, unless you come back and once and show you've got some spirt. I promise you he won't hurt you, and I will be your faithful servant." The Stag was foolish enought to be persuaded to return, and this time the Lion made no mistake, but overpowered him, and feasted right royally upon his carcase. The Fox, meanwhile, watching his chance, and when the Lion wasn't loking, filched away the brains to reward him for his troulbe. Presently the Lion began searching for them, of course without success: and the Fox, who was watching him, said, "I dont think it's much use your looking for the brains: a creature who twice walked into a Lion's den can't have got any."

Hahah. stupid Stag.

While Reading a Fable

I was at the library looking for books for my project a few weeks ago when I stumbled upon a section with Aesop's fables. So having just finished my first 2 exams and having plenty of reading time for the next week and a half, I decided to rent out one of the books. Obviously his fables are speckled with morals and I've found that most of them are pretty much bittersweet. This following one that I just read, made me pretty sad actually for the lion..... poor guy.

The Lion in Love
A Lion fell deeply in love with the daughter of a cottager and wanted to marry her; but her father was unwilling to give her to so fearsome a husband, and yet didn't want to offend the Lion; so he hit upon the following expedient. He went to the Lion and said, "I think you will make a very good husband for my daughter: but I cannot consent to your union unless you let me draw your teeth and pare your nails, for my daughter is terribly afraid of them." The Lion was so much in love that he readily agreed that this should be done. When once, however, he was thus disarmed, the Cottager was afraid of him no longer, but drove him away with his club.

.... aaaaw. All of the fables up until that one had guessed correctly what the outcome was. But for some reason this one took me completely by surprise. Ah i've said it once and i'll say it again, I'm a hopeless romantic. Anyhoo thats all for now. Just a little quote on a silly fable.... *sigh*

Xala

TRY TO BE SUPER QUICK TODAY I WAS SUPPOSED 2 BE ASLEEP AN HOUR AGO

Xala
Today was the screening for Xala. I'm actually kind of bittersweet about this film. I didn't really enjoy it, and i also didn't really hate it either. It probably has to do with the feelings towards El Hadji, too. In the beginning I think I really disliked him, but as the film progressed I started to feel sorry for him, especially at the end, but still at the same time I felt like he had it coming. I would have like Xala more, I think, if they could have done something to make the 2 languages more distinguishable, because for a while i didn't know they were speaking 2 different languages, and I think this would have gave a stronger effect during the scenes were Rama was talking to her father in his office, and also the scene where El Hadji was presenting his case to the other members of his work. Um... I also made note about the clothing through out Xala. There was always the traditional African American loose colorful print garbs, and then the business suit/ Western clothes. The clothing difference stood out the most, when El Hadji went to visit those African 'doctors' to take away his Xala. Here he was, in a full business suite and briefcase, looking so out of place in an isolated African village, when usually, it is the other pople who look out of place in El Hadji's world. Also, Adja (1st wife) was always wearing the traditional clothes, and Rama would alternate between the two. Oumi (2nd wife) and her family all wore Western clothes and it felt like those people were always asking for money. The first thing the eldest son did when he seen El Hadji was ask for money, and same with the 2nd wife, even saying that what he gave wasn't enough. What I thought was really ironic and sad was that, even though El Hadji seemed to care the least about Adja (ie. he didn't give them money, and when he was rid of his Xala for those few days it was Oumi who he went to visit), and jet Adja and Rama were the ones who welcomed him back to their homes after he lost his job and went broke. There was also a lot of juxtapositions of culture throughout this movie, that if one wasn't paying attention to, they might not have caught it. First I caught the clothing juxtaposition. Also, when El Hadji's workmates where casting votes about whether or not they should exclude him from their group they put the ballots in a tribal centerpiece. So symbols of 'civilization' (voting) vs. 'un-civilazation' (the tribal mask). And also the whole idea of trying to cure El Hadji's Xala. Basically trying a tribal remedy for a modern day problem. I also wanted to point out is the title Xala itself. I thought it was interesting to note that to the unknowing audience (ie. Me) they wouldn't find out what Xala was until pretty much half way through the movie. My first guess was that Xala was the name of an important female character.

aw hell no

It is 3AM. I am not asleep, nor have i slept. After publishing my last post and stating i was going to sleep. I did not. Instead I spent 2 hours reading some other guys blog. YOU IDIOT.

Mwa Ha Ha

Hey everybody. Hows it all goin'. I was asking my brothers today about if they could, how would they choose to have their luck dispersed. You guys ponder too. Would you rather have all your luck dispersed evenly through ought every day so that every day is around average. Or would you choose to have your luck bundled up and have spurts of extremely good luck days follwed by spurts of extremely bad luck days? I always think that my luck is similar to the latter one. I always have certain really good days and followed by really bad days. Yaaah. I think if I could chose, I'd leave it. Because it when i have really really good days. They make me extra happy. But of course that means I have really bad days, and yes they make me angry and stressfull, but I still like the feeling I get after I get home from a really good day.
Hohoh. today was an above average day I guess.. or at least it ended pretty well. The weekend was really swell too so thats why i brought it up. Main reason for todays entry. I GOT MY FIRST A+ PAPER TODAY DAWGS!! Whoo man you guys have no idea how surprised and happy I was. Especially considering I totally wasn't expecting it. I got it on my Film Studies Critcal Project. I have it in my hand right now. Hee hee. So happy. I'm also feeling pretty upbeat because I have pretty much all 3 of my papers done now. I just have 2 write the last entry for my ArtH response. And if I have time I'll touch up my C. Literature paper. (Which I had decided as being 'done' yesterday but decided not to hand it in after like 5 hours of debating.) But anyhoo, someone praise me on my A+!! I'm so happy, haha i actually rejoiced when i walked into the house. My brothers didn't say anything to me though :( I was really proud, haha. I dunno how this is possible but I'm doing so much better this year than my other years. Which seems ironic because this year I'm balancing 5 courses, and a part time job, whereas in previous years I've always had less than 5 courses and in 1st year I didn't even have a job. How Bizarre. Now I just hope I do well on the 3 papers that I'm going to be handing in this week.....and on all my exams.... I dunno how my brother is doing in his school work. I hope hes doing okay. I seen his report today and I dunno if maybe I'm just reading it wrong, but it seems like hes not doing that great. He prolly has no clue cuz hes a jerk, but it really bothers me sometimes. And everyday I always worry for him too. I get so angry cuz he always sleeps on the couch, even though theres a perfectly good bed in the other room for him. Knowing from experience, it makes school work extra stressful if you cant concentrait or dont get a good nights sleep. I seriously thought about moving into felix's room so he could have his room back, but then I'd be the one stressed out since felix wakes up earlier than I do and he always wakes me up in the process. Tchow on the otherhand wakes up earlier than both of us so I dont see why he doesn't sleep in the room. Its so dumb. Gah, its the most obvious solution and it works best too, I just dont understand why hes such a jerk.
Harg, i dunno how that last bit came up, but I'm a bit upset now. I think i'll go off on a tangent about work on Friday and how I think some of my customers are in cahoots w/ each other :) Haha I swear. Theres these 3 (sometimes 4) customers that i recognize that (i believe) dont know each other. And everytime I see 1 of them, the other 2 always come in either later in the day, or the next day I work. And then. I wont see all 3 of them for like 2-3 weeks. And then, 1 of them shows up, and the other 2 show up later on. Its creepy. But strangely gratifying when I see them. Becase they are pretty.... Tee hee. haha i'm dense. BUT ITS TRUE! I told Yvonne, and she laughed. She asked me who and she only knew who 'ben' was. He cut his hair into a mohawk, since the last time i seen him. It was extremely hot. Hahah I was in the kitchen getting stuff and Yvonne told me my take out was here. And i went outside and i seriously dropped my jaw. hey you got extremely hot since the last time i seen you ;) haha which i didn't say. Tee hee. so purty. I dont know the gangster guys name but since Yvonne noticed the other 2 guys' names start w/ B, she said, "Maybe his names Barley" And i laughed. because that is such a gangster name. Hahah. Welp I gotta go 2 shower now. So then I can get up 2morrolw and finish my 2 papers and maybe Mandarin. And then on Thursday I plan on going to WEM, since I haven't went since September. There is a giant stash of money that I have saved up because I haven't had anything to spend it on. Would anyone like to accompany me? O-hohoho

地狱天堂

Hey yooo.
Such a productive long weekend eh? NOT. I actually didn't get 'anything' done while i was in fort mac. (Unless you count dot-to-dots) I was so sad. Hahah, but the last 3 days however have been quite productive :P On Tuesday morning during the 5 hour bus ride out here I actually finished the entire reading for CLit. It was great. I took a nap from Ft Mac to Grasslands. And after we left Grasslands I started to read for what felt like 10 mintues. I finished reading the entire story. And when I looked up. The bus was in Edmonton. I felt so accomplished. It turns out that I had actually read soemthing like 50 pages. Hahah. After I got back into Edmonton I took a nap, and then i watched way to much tv with my brothers. And then finally I went in and started my Comparative Lit paper. I hate starting papers but once i get into the groove its a lot better. I'm still not quite finished it yet and am missing like... ~200 words. But its certainly better than 1500. Classes resumed on Wednesday so I was pretty much on campus the whole day. And at night I actually finished writing my 3 film journals. Quite pleased. Hahah. Today I woke up around 12 and dooked around before settling down to re-watch The Conversation. I really like that movie. Anyways, so i finished my FS paper, (that one was more smooth and successfull I think) I tried to start on my ArtH responses but I'm having trouble finding articles and stuff. The internet had zilch, and my library search brought up nothing too. I hope i can find some stuff in the library tomorrow or I think i might be in a little trouble.
But anyways. If anyone noticed my title for this blog is in Chinese. It literally translates to Hell Heaven. (Say Whaaa?) Haha, its a title of a chinese song that I've been looking for, for like... 6years now. I FINALLY FOUND IT. MWAHAHAH. So happy. All thanks to my amazing sleuthing skills. And like the help of 3 sites. Hahah. It was ACTUALLY by pure coincedence that i bumped into the MV of it on youtube. (thanks ling). I also discovered how to type 神劍魔刀 !! AMAZING! hahah Thats the chinese name for *The Divine Sword and Possessed Sabre* aka the Blood Stained Intrigue. If i really think about it it was a complete waste of my time as I cant really do anything with it. But it sure was morale boosting! I listened to the 地狱天堂 song like 500 times now. Its so nice. Ohohoh. Har har, but anyhoo, i'm gonna jet now. Might be a long day tomorrow. Chow

Rear Window

Hohum, since its been exactly a week that means I have 2 journals to post up tonight. The screening for tonight was Alfred Hitchcock's Rear Window and a short film called Les Filles du Roi.

Rear Window
I really enjoyed watching tonights screening of Alfred Hitchcock's Rear Window. I thought the plot was nice and the characters Jeff, Lisa and Stella were also exeptional. I also enjoyed this film because it almost seemed to have more than one story going on at one time. Depending on which window Jeffrey was looking at, the audience would then get a glimpse at a different story line with different people in it. There was Miss Torso and her dancing and the many young gentlemen she would sometimes have over. And then there was Miss Lonely-heart and her story of trying to find a partner. And also there was the pianist and his story about trying to finish composing his songs. And of course the story of Mr and Mrs Thorwald. I liked how all of these 'mini-stories' made up the main story and it was done without being confusing at all. Alfred Hitchcock is said to be the master of suspense, and I'll say that for this movie I think he did a wonderful job. The very first hint the audience gets that trouble is coming, is when Stella is introduced and says something like, 'i can smell trouble a mile away, and frankly, i smell trouble' I also like how the the character Lisa progressed throughout the story. In the beginning she was always all dressed up and posh talking about things like the Waldorf, and Harpers Bazaar. Jeff and Lisa then argued about how 'she couldn't live in his world, and he couldn't live in her world'. Lisa then starts changing when Jeff introduces the thought about murder next door. She starts snooping around (ie finding out the names of the Mr and Mrs) and near the climax of the film she actually volunteers herself to dig up the flowerbed. I thought it was great showing Lisa climb up the fire escape and into the Thornwald's apartment, nearly killing herself, all the while doing it in a fancy dress and high heels. The ending of the movie also wrapped up nicely as it showed happy endings in all the windows, including Jeff and Lisa's.

A little side note that I made at the very beginning of this movie. I never watched Rear Window before, but I did recognize it from an episode of the Simpson's Treehouse of Horror. I immediately recognized the storyline when I seen the foot-in-cast, wheelchair-bound, spying Jeffries since it was the exact same image shown of Bart Simpson in that episode. I found it all the more interesting to watch because, in the Simpsons episode, the murderous neighbor is actually innocent and all of the 'clues' that point to him being a murderer are actually a bunch of coincedences. I kept on wondering if the Simpsons episode was exactly the same as Rear Window and that the outcome would mean that Mr Thorwald was also innocent and that Jeffries, like Bart was just thinking too deeply. So the fact that I had two suspenses going on at the same time, made this film even more enjoyable.

Les Filled du Roi
I was actually surprised that this short film wasn't quite what I expected it to be. After just finishing watching a 2 hour movie I figured I was going to be quite restless and bored throught this film. But as it progressed I thought it wasn't too bad. I guess I wasn't expecting the Feminism theme to be portrayed, and the fact that I felt it was portrayed really well probably aided in my liking of this film. The constant portrayal of women in their 'workplace' mass producing things. Rows and rows of sewing maching operators, data entry workers, it showed how women's jobs at the time weren't unique at all. It was like watching a bunch of lab rats in a cage, you couldn't tell who was who. The narration wass really well done too. I didn't notice how all the women, while at work to 'be closer to their husbands' were actually more in contact with strangers rather than their loved ones, until the narrator clued me in. The narrator cleared up the idea being conveyed in certain scenes, and also made the audience ponder about thoughts, where as if there were no narrative, the audience would just sit there watching pretty pictures on the screen. Considering that this movie seemed documentary-like and I had immediately labelled it as boring, I actually enjoyed this film as well.

Grand Illusion

So this journal entry is about a week late, but as always, better late than never right.

Today we watched Jean Renoir's Grand Illusion. I actually quite enjoyed this film. We were asked to pay attention to this movie in terms of Bazinian's theory of realism, and since I kept an eye out for this throughout the movie I thought I'd note on it. I especially noticed that Grand Illusion had a lot of long takes. For example, in the beginning when everyone is sitting around the dinner table talking, rather than cut to shots of each individual person, the camera did a 360 degree pan. And later when the camera was at the head of the table it was able to record the groups reaction to the news as a whole rather than single out specific people's reactions. Most of the scenes also had clear fore, middle and backgrounds. One of the main things I noticed about long takes is that it conveys space much better. Rather than cutting to different angles all the time (ike in Battleship Potemkin) the camera usually filmed scenes in one shot. To me it was much less confusing and as a member of the audience I wasn't as confused about where the actors where in relation to each other, and the setting. The size and scale of rooms to me was easier to convey. For example the scene where everyone is getting their parcels from the post office room, the camera just stayed at one angle and continuously panned left and right. The audience could see the entrance to the room on the left, and when the employee went to the back to get their parcels, the camera followed him and we were able to see the back of the room. The action for sure is easier to follow with long takes, but it's certainly not as interesting without editing.
Another thing I'd like to comment on is the usage of comedy in this film. I thought Grand Illusion was absolutely hilarious at certain scenes, and the comedy parts seemed absolutely effortless. All the hilarity was implied through actions and reactions and I thought this was especially nice. Sometimes movies try to hard to be funny but I thought the comedy in this film was great. For example the scene were one of the soldiers dresses up in a skirt and all the other men in the room stare at him. Aside from the man in the dress mumbling about 'how silly he looks', there is no other dialouge. Only shots of him and the crowd of men staring at him longingly thinking that he doesn't actually look that bad. This scene was hilarious, when in actuality there wasn't really much going on in the scene, just implied meanings.

no idea

Just a quick post tonight. It's been a few weeks i think since my last post. And i just want everyone who cares to know that I feel better now. I'm going back to fort mac 2morrow for the long weekend, so we'll see how that goes.
On the lighter side of things, if anyone read my 3rd last post about the supah dreamy guy from Veronica Mars, i've got some stories to elaborate on. Ohohoh. So when i watched the ending to season 1, I was like WTF. cuz i wanted to know who was knocking at her door. And i skimmed a spoiler on Wikipedia (damn you Wikipedia) that the dreamy guy was credited as being Veronica's bf. So i was like oh yay. And then i watched the 1st episode of the 2nd season, and it was seriously F-ed up. Stuff kept on switching around and in the end Veronica didn't end up the dreamy guy. And i was like... SAY WHAAA? and then the episode ended. And i went onto wikipedia cuz i couldnt take the suspense and read the entire series re-cap. Hahah i'm an idiot. But dreamy man and Veronica do get back together again 'late' in the series. So yeah... bittersweet. Yarg. Welp, thats all for now, i gotta go to sleep and get up early 2morrow.

Did it have to start the day after my birthday?....

I believe that this year is going to be a bad year for me. Why, you ask me? Well for starters, less than 24 hours after i turned 21, i started cutting my wrist again. I havent done that in a REALLY long time. (At least not that i remember anyways) I cried really hard in the bathroom too, and i cried again today. I haven't cried in consecutive days in more than 2 years too I think. Yesterday was just a really bad day. I had my belated 'birthday party' (nice eh?) Early in the afternoon Jess gave me a call 2 go to whyte w/ her. I was really tired still but I was like sure whatever. (She said she came out to Edmonton for my birthday, but i really doubted that when she said that. 1st of all we didn't really do anything birthday-ish together, and 2nd of all, she didn't stay at our place, so it leads me to believe, my birthday just coincided w/ some other event she had planned out here) But anyways, so we went 2 eat lunch at Chili's and I was telling her I always get jacked and end up paying more for my meal whenever I go out w/ a certain group of friends and we split the bill. And then for Dinner me, her and a bunch of people went to Japanese Village to eat. Jess left early, (coinciding event?) and because of that i screwed up on how to split the bill (it would have been divided exactly by 7 but she didn't stay so i had to take off a certain percent of the food she didn't eat). But she paid for my share, and that was nice cuz i didn't know, but in the end I ended up dishing out 10$ because of the confusing bill. After dinner we went to city centre to watch the Grudge II. I've been waiting to watch this for a while, and i checked in the SEE paper when it would be showing. There was a showing at 7 15 and i thought that woulda been perfect cuz dinner was at 5 and we could walk right over. But when we got to city centre, the ticket person said that they weren't showing Grudge anymore. I was like WTF. I dont know how it happened but we ended up watching SAW III instead. Within the first 10 mintues of the movie i was really tempted to get up and leave because i DID NOT want to watch the movie. So after the movie ended i was pissed and angry. Then me and Ling went 2 her place 2 get ready to go to a club on jasper w/ tara and jamie. We got ready in like 10 mintues and Tara told us to meet her at 7 11, so the 2 of us waiting like half an hour for the train to go to corona, and then we walked in the snow (PS it started snowing shitloads right after midnight on my birthday.) from corona to 711, where tara called and told us she walked back home, so we walked back towards tara's place, and then we went 2 New City, which was exactly were me and ling got on the train to meet Tara anyways. So we made a huge useless 10 mintues circle in the -5 degree weather. They stayed at New City all night. I didn't really like any of the music because it sucked. And then at 1AM i told them that I was going to go because I still had to work the next day, still had to go 2 lings place to pick up my stuff, and try and call a cab before the clubbing rush began. Those stupid fuck faces didnt listen to a word I said, they were like 10 more mintues 10 more mintues. We fucking ended up staying till almost 2 AM. It makes me so angry because Tara ESPECIALLY thinks of herself first. (Take the Lush story I told awhile back ago). SHE didn't have to fucking work the next day, SHE didn't fucking have to catch a cab home, SHE didn't fucking walk 20 mintues in the snow. Fucksakes, but so when i got back to Lings place All the taxi lines were busy. I i started getting really angry because I KNEW that was going to happen. So i called home hoping maybe Tchow or Felix could come pick me up. And Tchow got really angry at me, which i understand cuz it was late, but he didn't have to fucking swear at me, he could have just said no. And then his car got stuck in the driveway. So i had to find my own way home. And since it was past 2AM by now I knew getting a hold of a cab would be impossible. So i walked 10 blocks home in the snow carrying my birthday presents wearing a light sweater and backless shoes. When i got home my grandparents got angry at me. I told them to go to sleep and when they went into my room to sleep, I took out my trusty serrated knife and started cutting away. I prolly sat on the kitchen floor for a good 30 mintues before going to sleep on the couch. Actually the words 'going to sleep' are way too strong. For, definately, the first time in 2 years i had trouble sleeping. It felt exactly like when i used to have insomnia, and i stayed awake till about 5AM thinking how my life was going downhill again. I dozed off lightybefore I was jarred awake by the sounds of my grandma putting away the pots and pans at 9AM. At 10AM i got out of bed to go to work.
Today was definately not any better. I actually almost cried at work today cuz I was so stressed out. I was pissed off because of how jerk customers piss me off really bad and i cant do anything about it, and how all of the servers suck. They all come in late, leave early and always make me do stuff that the should be doing. 20 mintues before i got off work i was ready to fucking scream and walk out. I dont want to work anymore either. I cried all the way home, and when i got home i went to the bathroom and cried some more before hoping into bed, and playing w/ the knife that is still in my desk drawer.
I think what really makes me depressed is how easily I'm taken advantage of, and how i can't speak up for myself. Also, the fact that my family seems to not notice (or care) that my personality has taken a drastic change makes me upset too. I could be dead or dying in my room and they'd still be outside watching David Blaine and laughing. I wrote in a previous entry that Iris and Cathy moving to BC really upset me, but i didn't publish it because i thought i wasn't realy that upset. I realize now how not true that was. Because now I dont have anyone to call and talk to, and most importantly I dont have any friends that I can actually go over to late at night when i just want to get away from my family. Yesterday I could have really done that. I couldn't sleep because i knew these next 2 days were going to be really bad. I always lose sleep and fall behind in school because my grandparents are here. It might sound greedy but its true. Not only do I NOT have a quiet place to sleep, I also can't do my homework ANYWHERE and I always get jarred awake at like 6AM by my brothers after struggling to fall asleep. I get so stressed out and depressed when my grandparents come out, and its really extra stressful that I'm OBVIOUSLY not myself and everyone chooses to ignore that fact. I'm going to take a shower right now because since yesterday my entire body has been cold, not to mention the cut on my wrist is all swollen too.

Swooning Blog Entry Today

Feel free to skip this entry if you wish because its another giggly school girly entry about some new good looking guy. Haha no this ones not from work, hes actually from tv. (Hes among the ranks and reachability of Michael Rosenbaum, aka sexy lexy) So this new tv show man is Jason Dohring (I think, i actually havent done the whole wikipedia, bio, stalker drill yet) aka Logan Echolls from 'Veronica Mars'. Funny, because the exact same thing that happened 2 Lex Luthor happend to the other guy. I didn't really like him at first, and then i started to think he was good looking, and then i started to love his character. So anyways. I was actually a little bit shocked when he and Veronica got together. But not like 'aw man' shocked but like 'aw thats nice' shocked. I think i like Veronica's character too, so 2 characters i like, getting together is okay. But anyways, Logan's character/ reactions I really like. Just, like i guess maybe thats what i imagine some guy doing to me sometimes. Like, i give him a little thank you peck or soemthing and go 2 walk away, and out of the blue he just grabs me and gives me a looooooong kiss.... *sigh* So yeah, I'd love to have a boyfriend who I could secretly make out with in the girls washroom, and one who would laugh while we're making out. I think thats sexy. hohohoho. BUT, the last episode I just watched was bittersweet because Veronica found out that the one who supplied the roofies that got her raped was Logan. And then she stood him up on their first official 'date', and then the credits rolled, and then it was the end of the dvd, and then felix stopped watching. And i was like..... *so sad...sniff sniff* But, this is supposed to be a suspense drama i think with a lot of twists and turns so *anything* could happen. But taht also means that anything 'could' happen, so Veronica could end up kicking his ass, yadda yadda yadda. Which i hope she doens't because I like him. He has a cute smile, just like bob.
Hahah, so theres the end of Swoon Blog.
So right now is officially my birthday. i'm 21 dawgs. yuh-huh. Dont really feel any different. But then again i never really do. I hope 2morrow is a good day. I dont know if i should wear my 60's costume 2 work or not. I wore my kimono 2 work today and my obi fell apart. Hahah during the busiest time possible, so i had 2 walk around holding the 2 meters of fabric in one hand. But i fixed it. And i'm happy to say that both of my costumes turned out swell. I'm really proud of the kimono cuz i actually made it properly. No real disgusting seams showing and it looks pretty good on me too.... yay. So happy that class go cancelled today. I dont have 2 wake up till 11. yessss. I love sleep, and sleep would love me if it could. Welp ttya'll later.

Oh PS. I made birthday plans for the first time ever. We're going to have dinner at Japanese Village, and then go see Grudge 2, and then I dont know what else will happen after. Hopefully fun. Hopefull I will land myself a Logan Echolls laughing kisser.

The Conversation

Today's Film Journal will be about blank blank blank's The Conversation.

I really enjoyed watching this movie, and I think I can safetly say that of all the films we watched so far, this one was my favorite. I just thought that The Conversation was overall really well done. I made note of lots of small bits that stuck out. For example, in the beginning of the film rather than suddenly start out with a shot of the man in the brown suit, the camera slowly zoomed in on the mime and followed him around till he indirectly introduced the man in the brown suit. And then I thought it was really interesting how without warning the woman and the man's voices suddenly started to break up and get digitalized. It was eerie and because I didn't know what was happening it grabbed my attention right away. I also noticed that there wasn't exactly a lot of dialouge throughout the movie. Like there'd be short sections w/ a lot of dialouge and then a lot of other scenes inbetween w/ little dialouge and more music. One scene that I thought was really interesting was the one where Harry is in the room next to 773. After going out onto the balcony and hearing the girl scream and seeing the blood across the window, I didn't understand if that was 'reality' or if he was just imagining it. I thought it was just bad editing, haha. It wasn't until the end that I discovered that that scene was meant to be unclear, and that the audience isn't supposed to know if it was Harry's imaging or not till the story finishes unfolding. I thought that it was extremely interesting that a director/ editor would be able to convey that type of unclear feeling.

Character-wise, I though Harry Caul was pretty intersting too. It was pretty neat how the director showed us his (almost) obsession with security and privacy. (Ie, the 3 locks on the door, the alarm system, the call to the caretaker about how he got in, etc) It drove the point in pretty quickly that he was really strict about people not getting in his personal space. Continuing with this idea of personal space, trust played an important role in Harry's life too, in that it seemed he didn't want to trust/ open up to anyone. I thought it was kinda sad too, because in the film, the only times he started to open up to people, something resulted because of it. The conversation he had w/ the lady in green about Amy got recorded my Bernie, and as a result everyone laughed at him because 'the bugger got bugged.' That same night, after sleeping w/ the same lady, he awoke to discover that she had taken his audio tapes. Its things like that that probably made Harry so secretive and isolated. Another thing I noted was, because Harry does what he does, he knows how easy it is for someone to spy/record/listen in, on anything he does. And because of this knowlege, he chooses to be isolated from everyone so that no one has the opportunity to spy on him. This idea also plays out in the very last part of the film when Harry is desperately trying to find the 'bug' that Martin & Co. planted in his apartment. He really crossed the line of job and obsession after deciding to break open the religious figurine, and therefore desecrating something he cared deeply for (religion). After this, it was like there was nothing holding him back now, and he continued to tear apart his apartment looking for something that probably wasn't there in the first place.

so schweaty....

Hohoh i just popped out from another bath, this one was more successful than the previous one i attempted to take. hahaha. Another super quicky today. So i seen all of my 'favorite' customers today. Hohoho (and by favorite i mean good looking) Tee hee. This week wasn't as dreamy as last week though. *siiigh* It was quite the opposite actually.... well i guess not the *complete* opposite...but yeaah. As i mentioned yesterday, super gangster man came in. I was a bit sad because his super hot chick is Karen. hahah ooooh well. I thought it was funny cuz when K walked by he did a double take. i laughed...then i cried. haha but not really. i also seen ...wow i actually seen BOTH the guys from 2 weeks ago that i commented about. The one who followed me home and the other guy who was sitting next to him. Coincedence? Maybe they are secret lovers HOHOHO. Hahaha, yvan you are a super scruffy man. You look like you just came back from the wilderness. HOHOH. and i beleve your name is ben, ....well your just pretty. Hhaha BUT. main reason for entry today... well actually not really, so dont get so hung up over yourself. Hahah i seen bob today. Because everybody has a secret name on this blog, and bob is bob's secret name i'll just stick to calling you bob. But, so i seen bob today! I haven't seen him in like 3 months. (same w/ sal, i think i scared him away when i recognized his voice over the phone, haha but YOU TOO, dont get so hung up, i recognize a lot of ppls voices over the phone, especially if they order the same thing, i recognize cynthia, elizabeth, shawn/amanda, george, and that tyler guy) But anyways, so yeah, bob looks the same. Tee hee, super cute big smile. AND one thing i noticed while passing by and cautiously looking at him.... he has a tattoo! I was actually REALLY surpised w/ that one. I dont know why, either cuz i never noticed it before, but prolly more so that i would not expect him to have a tattoo. He doens't look like the type of guy to have a tattoo... But now that i know you are the type of guy to have a tattoo.... oh boy, my opinions of you have changed. ; ) Harg, i think i am drunk from those 3 capfuls of bubble bath i soaked in. So i should probably go.... yeaah. hahah. Sleeeeep.

Embarassing Story #2

Hey ya'll, I have a quick story to tell everybody before i go to sleep. I thought it was pretty embarassing even though nobody saw me. So anyways. Yesterday (wednesday the 18) I stayed all day on campus from 10-10. I dont know why but i just did. I was extremely tired after i got home and my back was killing me. (i had to sit through a 3 hour boring movie for FS class....so horrible) But anyways after i ate supper i decided to take a 'bath'. I never take baths, and the fact that i wanted to shows how sore i was. So i drew myself a bath and sat inside the steamy water for like an hour or soemthing. haha. and then after my bath i unplugged the tub and turned on the shower to rinse off. (skin soup anybody) And i guess because i had been sitting down for so long, and suddenly got up i got a little bit lightheaded. So i just closed my eyes and put my hand on the tile wall to steady myself. Well, apparently, during the 5 seconds i closed my eyes i somehow managed to fall asleep. Yes ladies and gentlemen i fell asleep while standing up. I was so embarassed. Hahaha because i could actually feel myself tipping over and yet my eyes did not open. my brain even said *hey, hello...you are tipping over... wake up* But wake up, i did not. In fact, the only reason my eyes opened was because my knee hit the faucet. hahaha i recal as i was falling i said aloud *oh no, what am i dont* hahahaha. But so yeah. thats my story. If you really really think about it.... its quite hilarious.
PS. super good looking gangster man came in today. And the 'hot chick' is Karen.... for anybody who cares. I was dashed :( hahah but not really. Any hoo gotta go. Later

Cirque du Soleil: Delirium

Hello everybody, so I just came back from Rexall Place after watching Cirque du Soleil. It was pretty amazing. I love watching entertainment circus. (not animals) They are so magical. I get really nervous when people do dangerous stunts. But yes today was pretty great. I will forever remember Mohawk Man, Prepubescent Boy, Sleeveless Guitar Man, Guitar Man with Sleeves, and Drummer. I secretly took pictures at the end. And i had an EXCELLENT photo of Sleeveless Guitar Man, but.... i got too excited when i was taking his picture and the photo turned out blurry. Right after i took the picture, he bowed and left. I was sad. hahaha. But all the performances were really good. I especially liked the hula-hoop lady, and the performers w/ the ribbons. So nice. So yeah, i kept on watching the musicians. haw haw. The guitar players kept on looking into the audience and into the depths of my soul. hohoho. And then there was the good looking mohawk man. haha he had abs of steel. And prepubescent boy. During one act, there were 4 groups of dancers. Each of them was a boy girl pairing except for prepubescent boy, he had a butch man dance w/ him. I laughed. But yes it was pretty good, the 'Special Effects' were really really neat, even if fairly simple, they worked out really really well. If they came to Edmonton or my city again i would definiately go. Even though the tickets were really expensive, because i bought them so long ago it didn't really dawn on me. So yeah i'll say it was worth it. I bought a mask, it looks scary, but it was the prettiest one there. But yeah, i should probably stop writing on here and go do some homework. I have a lot to do, and midterms to study for....*sob sob*

Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds

Hello Corinna fans, how is everyone today. Welp gonna cut straight to it today, Heres my Journal entry from today's screening.

I was quite surprised today after watching Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds. It could be because I spent Monday working on the Shot Analysis project, but I found myself paying more attention to the types of shots and camera angles used in this film, than usual. Melanie Daniels' character was almost always shot in soft focus making her seem picture perfect, compared to the crisp shots of other characters. I also noticed the use of different camera angles at different points in the movie. For example, a Dutch Angle Shot was used on Lydia Brenner while she was in bed after seeing her friends mauled body. It added to the unease and confusion that Lydia must have been feeling at the time. Another camera angle I noticed was in the shot where Melanie was inside the telephone booth during the bird attack. The camera was at an unusually high angle showing the very top half of her body as she frantically moved around in the small area making the telephone booth seem that much smaller and confining. Another thing I notced about this movie was lack of sound/ suspense music. This was the first Alfred Hitchcock movie I had watched, and I know that hes supposed to be a master of suspense film, but honestly it completely left my mind that it was supposed to be a thriller. There were quite a few scenes were I though some building thriller music would have made the movie that much more suspenseful and stronger. For example the scene near the end of the film were Melanie (in the Brenner House) goes upstairs to check on a suspicious noise she hears and is about to open the door to the room. It could probably be just me, but I find music and sound play important roles, especial in suspense and horror movies. Someone once told me, that music and sound is what makes a horror movie scary, if you turn of the sound, the movie is no longer scary.
So yes, that is all for this entry. I just thought it was pretty interesting that I was starting to notice some of the technical elements of film, rather than just literal.

Happy Thanksgiving

Yo hoho, check out the awesome turkey cake that me and my brothers and Ling had. It was great. I've always wanted 2 have one of these. I made my brother drive all the way down to whyte ave to check and see if they had one. When he drove into the parking lot and passed by the entrace i had my face smushed to the car window trying 2 get a peek at their freezer. When i seen they had a turkey cake inside i actually screamed, "I SEE THE TURKEY CAKE!!!!" (and interupted my brother.) I actually ran across the parking lot to baskin robbins.... pretty sad eh? Hahaha. The cake cost 25bucks, and Felix, Terence, Ling and me ate it all in one sitting. now THATS sad. hahah. We went to Swiss Chalet for dinner, the chicken there was really good i thought. I never ordered ribs before but for some reason that combo platter was really enticing today. Delichit.
Ling also showed me some of her Lush products. I never really liked the store before because i felt awkward in it. But Ling let me dook around w/ one of her good smelling massage bars, and its been like 5 hours and i can still smell it. Its also delichit. I am tempted to go to Lush now and buy a bunch of products.
Sigh. I wish i was rich, married, and living in new york

the past 3 days....

....have been interesting.
But before i comment on the above, i just want to make a little note. My mom left for HK yesterday at 7 30 to visit my grandma who recently broke her pelvic bone. I really would have liked to go back to HK cuz i haven't went back in like 7 years (and seen my gramma in the equal amount of time) But so my mom went back for 2 months. I was kinda sad, but i'm not really sure why. Like she'll be back in December and stuff, but i was still pretty sad. I didn't tell anyone cuz I thought it was pretty stupid to be sad. So yeah, thats the sad stuff for this entry.
But, i've had an interest past 3 days. Of course in realitly when you read about it, it will undoubtedly sound like a regular 3 days to anyone in their sane mind. I had some interesting encounters w/ some good looking guys recently. On Thursday (Read oct.5ths entry) i bumped into the guy who had just finished ordered take out at kyoto in my apartment complex 5 mintues after me and him both left kyoto. On Friday i seen L's supah gangsta friend. Hes pretty too. He looks like he could be a skateboard clothing company model. But he told L a while back ago that one of our servers is really hot. And when he came up to pay that day L asked me who it could be, and the guy seemed a bit embarrased saying something like 'well dont go telling everyone now.' (L asked him who it was and he said he didn't know her name, and then she asked what color uniform she wore, and he said he didn't know and then he said *OH, i know she wears black pants!* I laughed really hard when i heard that) But so yeah, hes polite too, and thats nice. I noticed that whenever i'm around and L asks him about the hot server he doens't say much about 'her'. Soo.....maybe .....hehehe naw in my dreams. Todays encounter was just a really smal miniscule one. But i still made note cuz the guy was really pretty. After work when i was waiting to cross Jasper Ave, these 2 guys where walking down Jasper passed me. And i looked at one of them as they walked in front of me and out of habit i smiled at him. He looked at me and give me the prettiest guy smile i've seen in a long time. *siiiiigh* i'm so lonely. i told ling to make me a lifesized gingerbread man. Hahaha well....thats my 'past 3 days'. For a single girl who doesn't get hit on ever, thats pretty special. hahah such a nerd.

I would make an 'Excellent' stalker....

This is especially true, as i am good at being nosy w/o people knowing, and i'm also very very perseptive. (Perseptive enough to know that i have spelled perseptive wrong). But anyways, something out of the blue happened today. I seen a lot of goodlooking guys come in today. (Hahaha, yes, that is the only thing that i look forward to at work.) It was a wide variety of gentlemen today, some in their dashingly handsome suit and ties, and some in the rough sax-y casual clothes and stubble. (mmm stubble). But yes, anyways, so today after I printed out my report and started cashing out when these 2 guys came in to place take outs. And both of them were pretty good looking, but the 2nd guy, he was extra pretty. Not like. pretty-boy, pretty. He was, I-could-probably-beat-someone-up-if-I-had-to, pretty. But anyways, after i cashed out I walked over 2 save-ons to buy some milk. And i was like, 'Ooooh, maybe if i'm quick I can catch the guy leaving kyoto. (and do what? I dont know) Hohoho, so i went and bought milk, and while i was walking across the save on parking lot I seen him drive out to Jasper Ave, and i was like 'Noooo, if only i had been 30 seconds faster'. Hahah so then, i dejectedly crossed Jasper and walked back home. However, (this is something you only every hear on soap opera's or novels, but it really did happen) when i got home and buzzed myself in, i took a quick glimpse behind me cuz i saw someone approaching. And who do you think it is? But the good looking man himself. Hohoh, how extremely bizarre. So yeah... hows that for coincedence eh? Hahaha, but I'd guess that hes probably visiting his lady friend w/ sushi, since he came in from the main entrance. (see that stalker instinct? hahah) ....*sigh*

Another thing I want to mention is how i've really really bean craving to go to New York again lately. I've been day dreaming about going back to all those stores that i went to, and also going to the stores that i didn't get to go into. *siiigh* why am i so poor? I'll ask Jess and Ling and Iris, because if i do make plans to go it will be in summer 2008, after i graduate. That should give them enough time to save up a good chunk of moolah eh?

Oh cruel world. How i wish i were rich and married....

Tokyo Story

This post was supposed to have been made yesterday. But i forgot. So here is my entry for Yasujiro Ozu's Tokyo Story.
Since the unit for this screening was International Cinema, I'd like to start off my entry with a comment on subtitles versus dubbing. I know that every person has their own preference because both have their pros and cons. My brother tells me he prefers watching foreign movies with dubbing because subtitles are a distraction and while you take the time to read the subtitles, you could have missed something very important on screen. I found this especially true while watching Tokyo Story. I would look down to write notes and I realized I'd miss a good 15-20 seconds of the film. Normally when watching a English movie if I'd look down to write notes and I would at least be able to listen to the rest of the dialouge. But this was not the case in Tokyo Story since I couldn't understand the language. However, having said this, I would much rather prefer watching a foreign movie with subtitles rather than it being dubbed. I don't watch that many foreign movies, but I do watch a lot of Japanese animation, and I've noticed how in a lot of the American dubbed versions the emotions seem to be toned down drastically. If you watch a foreign movie with the original voices, the audience may not be able to understand, but they should be able to understand at least the emotion the actor(ess) is expressing just by listening to their tone of voice.
As for the actual movie, I felt it was okay. Not really great, but not hiddeous either. I think the length of the movie made it seem less enjoyable and a lot of the scenes seemed dragged out longer than they could have been. Character-wise, I really really really disliked, I believe her name was Shige. From everything she said, to her actions and re actions, to even her facial expressions. Koichi (the doctor/son) I didn't like either. The director was probably aiming for this, but I felt that both of them were so mean to their parents. When the Mother was sick and Koichi pulled the Father and Shige aside, he talked about his own mother like she was just a regular nameless patient. This is probably a given, but I felt really really sad thinking about how the parents were treated. Their son's and daughters felt that they were an inconvience in their life and constantly tried to get rid of them. Something I just thought of was Why the Father used to drink. It was said that in the past he drank constantly until Kyoko was born. I'm wondering if perhaps he used to drink because he was unhappy. The first time we see him drink is when he is out with his old friends. Shige says to him when the police officer brings them back to their house something like, 'Why have you started drinking again.' Perhaps its because Shige and Koichi have made him feel so unwelcome that he wants to forget that hes become a burden to his family. The second noticable time we see the Father drink is after his wife dies. I imagine that he's extremely upset and sad at this time and wants to drink a bit to ease the pain. Shige almost stops him immediatly saying 'It's not good to drink'. Another scene that sticks out in my mind is the one between Noriko and the Mother. Even though she is not blood related she treats the Parents with the most respect. Noriko gives the Mother money out of heart. Unlike the others she doesn't spend money to get them out of the way, she gives them money so they can spend it on something they will want. There were a lot of other things that I wanted to comment about but most of them are little bits about how careless Shige and Koichi were, but since I'm sure the audience got the jist of that feeling, I'll comment on one last other thing. I thought it was really important to know that Kyoko and Noriko didn't bring mourning clothes with them to Onimichi. As far as I know people usually don't like thinking that someone they care for will die. Even if it is inevitable, it seems cold and rude and it's almost like they'd be giving up hope. The fact that Kyoko and Noriko didn't bring mourning clothes shows that they didn't even consider the fact that their Mother would die.

Thoughts on anime

I'm writing this post a night after just finishing watching Fullmetal Alchemist Conqueror of Shambala. In the beginning when my brother first started watching the FMA series I'll have to say that i wasn't that interested it it. For some reason i thought that it was really childish and couldn't quite get that into the series. So i never watched every single episode and would only sit through a few every so often when my brother would put them in during dinner. On Sunday my brother put in the last and final DVD. I managed to catch the very last 10 mintues of the series finale. And i'll say that I didn't really like it. I always like series to end w/ good endings. You know, everyone is back together the sun is shining down and everyone is just plain happy. This ending I thought was really sad. It was really sad seeing that Edward and Alphonse could never be together and complete at the same time. And the fact that Al lost his memories of the past 4 years was pretty sad too. And THEN, the fact that Ed was still alive in an alternate dimension and unable to use alchemy I thought that was really REALLY depressing. But I saw the commercial for the FMA movie and i thought that there would be more resolution in the movie and it would have a happier ending. I watched it yesterday and I thought it was even more depressing. Ed spent 2 years in that alternate world and everyday he tried to get back to his real world. Knowing that for 2 years he couldn't use alchemy was pretty sad too. And then, he was finally able to get back to his world, only to see everyone he cared for and all his friends, just to leave them in like.... 30mintues. After the movie was over and i went to sleep. I woke up a few hours later and i couldn't fall back to sleep cuz i was thinking of the outcome. I felt really really bad for Winry because she was probably waiting for him to come back (for 2 years) and she seen him for like.... 10 mintues. And then he left again w/o saying good bye. I mean i know if he could have said goodbye he probably would have, but it was still pretty heart wrenching. Some of the scenes I also thought were really moving. Like the scene where Al first found his brother again after attatching part of his soul to that suit of armor. And when his soul started to detatch itself and how Ed got really sad because it meant he was going to be alone again, I think i actually got a lump in my throat. Overall there were a lot of things that people did in the movie that I dont know if i'd have the strength to do, if it were me. Like Ed making the choice to go back alone to the alternate world. I thought all night about if that were me, how would i feel after i went back and realized all that I had given up. All my friends, and (at the time) my only family, and all my powers. And never being able to go back to my real home world. It's really really depressing. Especially considered the fact that Ed never got to say goodbye to anyone, that really tore me up. Hhaha no i didn't cry but i did get pretty sad. I was hoping that the movie would have wrapped things up a lot happier. And i guess even thought Ed isn't alone anymore, its still pretty sad. I always get pretty sad when an anime/ manga is finally completed because its like the characters immediately die after that, since we no longer get to follow them on a journey. Sigh so sad.
I thought it was pretty interesting to note that I can get so caught up on anime movies/series too. Because you always hear a lot of critics say stuff like, anime is for kids/ its not deep enough. But personally i feel i can get equally (if not more) emotional watching/reading a good anime when compared to watching a regular non-anime movie. I'd also like to say that i take back my original original belief in that FMA was too childish and uninteresting, having watched the movie and realizing how sad it made me. I'm a nerd but...thanks.

Feelin' Horrible

Today was a really really grumpy day for me. I absolutely did not want to go to work today. And I shouldn't have either. I'm scheduled to work Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday evenings ( ~20hours/week). I complained to my boss several weeks ago that its to many shifts and that i need at least a full day off to read and do all my homework. I was expecting that he'd give me Sunday off. And that he did. In exchange I now work all-day on Saturday. So basically, nothing has changed, i still work ~20hours/week. And then, last week after the new schedule was put up, T (the hostess who i loathe w/ a passion because she is lazy and doesn't pick up her after her fucking self) asked me to switch shifts w/ her (a-fucking-gain). She told me that she was doing a fundraiser walk, and i was like, sure whatever. Assuming that the walk must have been mid-day or during her actual shift. So anyways. I went in to work today and went to look at the new schedule. And my boss finally hired a new hostess. BUT rather than taking ANY ONE of my shifts, my boss gave her TWO of T's shifts. I was so fucking pissed off because I had asked first, and i think that I honestly needed the break more. So that was right at 11AM when i started work. and at 11:10 T and who i assume to be her bf came in, and ate lunch having just finished their fundraiser walk. I was so pissed off. This has NOT been the first time where shes asked me to work for her because shes sick, or something comes up, and an hour later her and her whole family will come in and eat supper. I get so fucking pissed off when i see her. And then she fucking said. *OH did you see the new schedule? Henry hired a new hostess, now i have less shifts!!* I walked away right when she said that cuz honestly if i didn't i think i wouldve punched her in the face. I was pissed off for the rest of the day. And i didn't say anything to anyone (minus normal customer banter) for a good 5 hours. So moody. I almost cried, i almost walked off, i almost wanted to beat someone up. So fucking unfair. I'd like to think that i'm a good hostess. I'm fast, I've never missed a shift before, I help everybody, I do stuff that people ask me to do, and I do stuff that people dont ask me to do but appreciate it. Today I felt like i was just being taken advantage of because i'm such a push-over. Fuck, T ALWAYS calls in like 10 minutes before her shift and asks me to work for her, and usually i do because i need money, and then she'll come in and eat w/ her family all happy and frollic-y while i'm fucking tired and gumpy from working 11 hours straight w/ no warning. She always leaves her garbage around the hostess stand (and INSIDE the fucking drawers) and i have to clean it up. She never finishes the floor plan at the end of the shift and i finish it for her. Fuck, like last week when i came in at 5 to work (and she was working lunch) almost all the tables were still dirty and she was just sitting there. So I started cleaning up the tables because there were a lot of reservations coming in. She finally started helping after i picked up majority of them. And then I went to clean the table cloths, and one of the kitchen prep workers asked me to change the toilet AND hand paper. i was like *fuck how do both of them run out right when i start? They DONT, thats how* so i was like. "Ask T to change it, i'm busy." and the kitchen prep worker said, "T told me to tell you to change it." Fuck sakes. (I'm really angry now if you cannot tell by my swearing frenzy) What the hell was SHE doing that made her so busy. (she was cashing out btw). So i told my boss today when i seen him. "I'm not working all day on Saturday. You hired a new hostess, why dont you give her a shift." i forget what he said. but i thought 2 myself if he told me to work it i'd tell him right there that i quit. I was that pissed off. And then after work while i was tired and angry and sore, i cried and i walked home.

Citizen Kane

Hello movie fans, so the movie in review today will be Orson Welles' Citizen Kane. I never watched this movie before actually, but i heard lots about it saying it was a total classic, and movie to watch, so i was looking forward to seeing it today. Welp, heres my thoughts.

Today I watched Citizen Kane for the very first time. I've heard a lot about this movie so I was looking forward to watching it. Throughout the movie I had a hard time identifying a theme/ main idea. It wasn't until the mansion scene with Charles and Susan that a theme finally sunk in my head. It was almost all surrounding money and what it can (and cannot) buy. The mansion was large and extremely lavish, but at the same time void and bleak. The hugeness of the mansion was only noticable because Charles and Susan were the only ones in it. It was filled with expensive yet, cold and inanimate objects. Susan was also depicted building puzzle after puzzle. The diamond studdend hands building the puzzles seemed awkward doing such a mundane hobby, yet it was the only thing she could do. It's kind of cliche but it seemed that money could buy a lot of material things but it could not buy one of things Charles needed the most. Love. I was actually pretty sad during the scene when Susan left, because I thought that Charles was finally being genuinely truthful to her, but it was already too late. The shot of Kane walking past the mirror and his image being reflected many times also hinted at his loneliness. At first glance, there might appear to be many people with him, but on closer inspection, the only real person is Kane himself. I really liked Kane as a character after the cleaning company started clearing out his mansion. He kept anything and everything. So many items, like the 'Welcome Back' trophy his employees gave him, to the bedposts of his bed from the office of the Inquisitor meant nothing to the public, but everything to Kane.
After looking back on my notes, I thought this movie was set up pretty interestingly. The audience discovers at the very end that Rosebud was the name of Charles' sled, the same sled he was seen playing with when the audience was first introduced to him as a young child. At the same time, the snowglobe that triggers his memory of Rosebud, is one of the objects on Susan's cabinet in the background when the audience is first introduced to her. Both of them were such simple and probably cheap objects, yet both came from a past that was simple and free.
Another line from this film which I found quite interesting was when one of the reporters trying to uncover the meaning behind the word rosebud said, "It'll probably turn out to be a very simple thing...." I remember when I wrote this I was thinking of what rosebud could possibly mean, and was sure that it was going to weave out some complex story. After re-reading my notes a few hours ago I was honestly surprised at how the newsreporter was right, but at the same time, to him Rosebud as a sled would have been seen as a simple thing, but to Charles Kane himself, a distant memory of a simpler life, filled with the love of a parent.

dreaming of nightmares

So i should have been asleep like... 5 hours ago. but yeah, we all know when it comes to regimines i'm all talk and no....do.... Buuut anyways, while making my last rounds on this cpu o'mine i tried to think of some last thing to do that would postpone my need to turn of the computer and go to sleep. AND i thought of recapping the nightmare that i had last night. It shure was freaky y'all. I haven't had a nightmare in a long time and i actually woke up and my heart was pounding. hahah never the less i immediatly closed my eyes and *thought happy thoughts* before my imagination went into overdrive and shadows started taking on scary shapes. Hahah, but anyways so heres the dream that i had:
I was in school taking notes about Ancient Egypt and then our textbook had a picture of a mummifed Egyptian Princess. And it was an actual dried up corpse (not one of those completely wrapped up bodies) And i remember looking intensely at the long leathery boney fingers of the mummy and shuddering thinging how creepy those were. And then flash to a group of me and some friends talking to this new egyptian exchange student. And everyone was like *oh shes so pretty, shes so friendly, she's so nice, yadda yadda yadda* (me included) And then, flash to some hallway where everyone was walking down the hallway laughing and joking. When suddenly the girl stopped walking and started crying. Naturally everybody crowded around her and asked her what was wrong. She said through sobs *I'm so jealous of you guys. Your life is so fun and carefree.... (And then i noticed her skin started to slowly dry out)....your life is the complete opposite of mine....my family is very strict.... and i'm expected to live my life a certain way....* Then she looked up and said *i want your lives* And right at that moment her skin started turning into that mummy princess from class. I distinctly remember seeing those fingers dry up exactly like the picture in the textbook and it creeped me out so much. I think she started hobbling towards me and then i jolted away.....HOOO MAN it creeped me out really bad. hahaha.

Modes of Screen Reality

( That will be the title for this week's FS entry, since there was more than one movie.)

Compilation of Lumiere Films.
So, these little clipits of movies I found pretty interesting (and quite humorous) to watch. I made note of how all the scenes always contained some type of tremendous action/ noticable movement. This was especially noticable in one of the factory clips where, I'd guess the camera started filming too early and therefore there was almost no noticable motion whatsoever until the bunch of workers walked on screen. Another thing i noticed was how all the characters on screen seemed to be moving at a faster/ sped-up pace. The narrator said something about sporadic movement as possibly being the camera's fault and the actor's fault. I guess this would be true considering that the director was trying to capture 'everybody trying to do soemthing' in less than 50seconds. I thought it was pretty interesting to note that there was still the possibilty of people 'over-acting' even though they probably didn't know that existed at the time. So that probably tied in with the theme of reality for this first movie. The Lumiere Brothers were obviously filming clips of everyday life and therefore producing realistic clips. Certain clips even felt documentary like. Overall I thought these little 50second clips were pretty interesting to watch considering that they were produced very early in movie producing history and it was interesting to see early experimentations that have continued on to the present day.

Trip to the Moon
Of the 3 movies that we watched today, I probably disliked this one the most. Not saying that I hated it, but it just wasn't my favorite. It says that this film was produced in 1902 and I'm sure special effects technology was still pretty new at the time, but I felt that everything was perhaps a bit over done. This movie would probably be called sci-fi, and I agree with that. There's also a comedy factor in this movie, and I agree that it was funny at certain parts but still kind of cheezy. I was discussing w/ some friends after the screening was over about how it was probably aiming to show off some of the new fancy special effects at the time. (ie. the poof/disappearance of the aliens after they were hit) The movie made use of costumes and props (ie. magicians robe, telescopes, spaceships and aliens) that fit with the theme of the movie and also the backdrops used were also fitting and pretty complex, I thought. But for some reason I wasn't too fond of this movie. Perhaps because the acting might have been a bit cliche, and also maybe I felt special effects were used too much causing the movie to seem much more unrealistic than it was aiming for.

The Bicycle Thief
In terms of reality, this movie probably depicted it best. I was also actually quite surprised at the depth of the story line. Again while discussing this movie with friends after the screening, one of them mentioned the depiction of class and class distinction. I was surprised that I never caught that even though there was evidence of it throughout the movie. Mainly the difference between how the two different bicyle thiefs were treated. When Antonio's bike was stolen no one tried to help the lower class man catch his bike. But on the otherhand, when Antonio tried to steal the wealthier suit wearing man, practically the whole street started chasing after him, and eventually caught him. The depiction of class distinction was pretty good and once again I was quite surprised at the complexity of this movie. To Antonio that bike was everything to him and his family. They had to sell their bedsheets (part of Maria's dowry) to get enough money for that bike. And when Antonio was finally in his work uniform his family looked on at him so proudly because with that bike he would finally be able to start making good money. After the bike is stolen I felt the audience could really sense his despair and frustration. That bike literally was everything, to him, and he was desperate and willing to do anything to get it back. Juxtapose this with what happens when the wealthy man gets his bicyle back after Antonio tries to steal it. 3/4 of the movie was used to show Antonio searching for his bike, and 3 mintues was probably use to show the wealthy man and his search. Even though the man decided not to press charges against Antonio, it also goes to show that the bicycle probably didn't mean quite that much to him, as Antonio's bike meant to him. I was expecting a happy ending to this movie for some reason, and when the words FINE appeared I was pretty sad. All I could think about was what Antonio and Bruno were thinking as they walked home. Antonio would probably be pretty disgusted with himself knowing that he stooped to stealing all for a simple bike, the fact that his son witnessed him do it, and also that he'll have to live with this consequence for the rest of his life. It was also pretty ironic I though how one of the officers said to Antonio "...you can thank God, that he's not pressing charges." Because if God was really the one to have helped Antonio, you figure he would have done it a long time ago rather than making him go through this big ordeal and having the outcome turn out the way it did. (As a side note, I really did like the character/actor Bruno though. He was really adorable and I think he did an excellent job)

Ararat

(so, one of the assignments in my film studies class is to keep a Film Journal to record my thoughts and impressions about the movies that we watch. I'm thinking that I'd encorporate my entries there into this blog of mine, since i'll probably be writing them in the same way that i write my usual rants. Welp here goes.)
I'd like to say that I'm an extremely trusting person. In that i trust almost everybody and everything they say. While watching this movie I noticed that there were a lot of...not quite lies, but rather unknowns. The first thing i wrote down in my notes after watching the movie was: Who is telling (believing) a lie? Ani & Cecelia, Ali & Raffi, and Raffi & David (the interrogation officer). Since there appeared to be more than one pairing I figured this was probably an important theme. In all cases both people believed they were right therefore the other person must have been wrong. To be able to see two people fight for their beliefs so strongly was pretty interesting but at the same time, kind of sad because that meant that at least one persons belief was probably wrong. Having said this, I also thought the movie was pretty interesting. It offered some insight to the truths(and lies) that certain people are willing to fight for. And also that there are certain people who are willing to forget and deny what might be the truth. The scene that i found most interesting was the one where Raffi and Ali are talking in the car after the filming of the movie. The two of them have different beliefs about whether or not the Armenian Genocide really occurred. So not only is there a barrier between them in beliefs, there is also a physical barrier in terms of the car seats. Compared to the similar scene of David and Philip's conversation where the two are sitting side by side, here Raffi is sitting in the front of the car while Ali is sitting in the back. I thought for a really long time trying to figure out who was the one in the position of power. But I guess maybe its meant that both of them could be. Raffi is obviously in the front indicating power, but he is unable to see Ali without straining to see. Ali, on the otherhand is in the back, but at the same time he is able to see Raffi's back, another possible position of power. Probably some of my favorite scenes in Ararat are the ones between David and Raffi. Like David notions at near the end of the film, even though Raffi is lying, he comes much closer to telling the real truth because of it. Raffi's cam-corder is constantly playing throughout the whole interrogation and is always juxtaposed next to his face. Since Raffi went to the city of Ani by himself he was probably able to think without distractions and say everything that was on his mind/in his heart. So basically it was like having his thoughts on display. Overall I felt Ararat was pretty good. I was however a bit confused about what i thought of Ani, Raffi's mom. I'm not too sure if the audience was supposed to empathize with her or not. But i found myself more drawn to Cecilia, Raffi's step-sister/girlfriend. Anyways, aside from that bit, i did enjoy watching this movie, and if given the time would watch it a second time to get a better understanding of certain parts.

1:21 AM

is the current starting time of this post. Lets see how long it takes me to make a short entry. (i plan on this being a short entry so lets see if i can stick to my plans.) Anyways Iris came on msn these past few days so i've been talking 2 her a lot catching up on new and old stuff that we've missed. I told her the epic story of of my co worker and the awkwardness that is him. So.... i've been telling everyone how, when we were just friends i thought he was an okay pretty average guy. But after discovering his TRUE intentions, i have found myself paying close attention to the little things about him that annoy me. (once again this could have to do w/ my standards being to high...but we'll see) So, i think i've mentioned all of his young niave annoying traits that just make me want to punch him in the face. But today i found another one. So on sunday my boss put up the new schedule and i seen that he re-hired our old bus girl. (the same bus girl that he used to have a super crush on.) So i was like *oh this is great, maybe she'll take some of the pressure off me!* ....or so i thought. i was talking to him on msn today and i asked him if he knew who was bussing next week and he said yes he did. I then did my famous OHhohoho laugh, and he said. so, it doenst make a difference. and i was like (...uh oh) so i asked. *dont you like her anymore?* and he said. *No.* ....that was it. I was a little bit shocked, but at the same time i was expecting it. I told him it was pretty sad that he can suddenly stop liking a girl so quickly. Its like no faithfulness at all. I said to myself before he answered my question 'if he says no, them i'm absolutely positive that hes not my type.' low and behold he said no. I guess i'm kind of contradicting myself here with my 'standards' but really though. I dont really see how you can so easily brush someone off, especially considering that he was crazy about her when he first saw her. Like....i guess comparing my co worker and me, to Roni and Henry.... i'd have to give Henry props for continuing to chase R for like....2 years. Even though he knew that she didn't really like him, he still tried to change her mind. Like my co worker on the other hand is like...yes is yes, no is no.....maybe i should tell him no.... I dunno theres a word i'm trying 2 think of that he doesn't have. I guess like....its easy to give up on like...an exam or something physical like that. But... liking someone i think is different. I guess if i was a guy and i found out a girl i liked didnt like me i wouldn't just give up and call it quits. I'd see it as a challenge...as a hunt for the beautiful mayflower of love. (recognize that anyone? hahah) But so yeah. i've heard about a lot of couples hooking up after like...years of the guy chasing the girl and the girl suddenly realizing how devoted he is to her and decides to give him a chance. He told me that *its just a crush* and i thought that was bullshit. I've had crushes before and i never stopped liking someone just suddenly out of the blue because my chances seemed low. Pretty pathetic. So yeah, this is some words of advice from someone who probably shouldn't be offering advice.... But seriously, girls do pay attention to small stuff like that. It doesn't seem very man-ly to give up so easily on a girl that you were 'crazy about'. Because honestly if you really were crazy for her i think you'd be willing to try a lot harder to get her to like you back
....my friend, at the rate your going, your list of cons will soon turn into a dictionary of 'why i do not like you' ....sorry man.

Planning for Animethon 14....

So...while slacking off today i was looking up pictures of cosplayers from Animethon 13. And then i started thinking of people that i could be. And so yeah, i'm going to write out a small list of possibilities. Oh yaaah. i still have like unfinished Miwako costume in my closet...maybe i should consider that too.... And to think that i paid money for a wig and never used it....maybe halloween. But anyways. So far I've thought of being these characters.
-Dante from Devil May Cry 3. (might have to do something about that bare man chest he shows though....
-Hayate from Naruto. (even though hes dead i thought he was pretty cool)
-Temari from Naruto. (aside from Anna this is actually the first girl that i've wanted to cosplay as. Both of her costumes are pretty neat so we'll see)
-Dark from DNAngel. (because nobody can resist a swashbuckling thief)
-Michael from Angel Sanctuary (I like Michael...besides i'm the perfect height...which is short)
-Tifa from FF7 Advant Children (this one is really just because i like Tifa and the costumes ive seen so far didn't do her justice....)
-Livio from Trigun Maximum (i just added this on sept. 12 because after my 9th time reading vol. 9, i have come to the conclusion that Livio the Double Fang is awesome. His costume prolly isn't that hard either. Its actually really simple. Pretty much exactly the same as Wolfwoods plus white hair and better accessories. I just have to keep an eye out for a good skull mask during halloween)

Does anyone worry/wonder that i seem to like cosplaying as men most the time..... Maybe its just cuz girl costumes aren't as neat. Also could have to do w/ the fact that i think i can make myself look more handsome than i can pretty. haw haw haw. So yeah. As of right NOW i'm thinking Temari or Dark. Just because their costumes would probably be the easiest to make but if you add the right accessories it can look really really good. Dante and Hayate's costumes look kinda hard. I'd assume material for a long red Trenchcoat would be pretty expensive, not to mention i'd have to make good props. I'd mainly do Dante so that i could dye my hair white and do his face. Pretty much the same thought for Hayate. I wouldn't look forward to making the vest (so many pockets!!!) But i'd want to do his face. (so many cosplayers i've seen do such a good job on costumes but the make up/hair is really really bad.) Michael is probably just a thought because he is cool. I would have to cut my hair supah short and i dont know if i could draw the tattoo on myself. We'll see about Tifa, I'd have most problems w/ the shoes i'd think.
But yah, thats the main theme behind this entry. Hahah i'm a loser. I dont know what i want to be for halloween this year though...we'll see.

Oh Wolfwood.....

I Just finished reading volume 9 of Trigun Maximum. I'll have to say that so far it is my absolute favorite volume, even considering that vash isn't in it. But its really good. If i remember correctly i think wolfwoods outcome is the same in the manga as it is in the anime. And after reading 9, like 6 times in 3 days it will make me really really miss him, because he is such a strong and loyal guy, whos not willing to give up. (quite the opposite of my workmate if you noticed....) So anyways, this picture is dedicated to you super good looking Wolfwood. hohoh i drew it several months ago. I was too lazy to edit out all the sketchings and stuff. I never actually drew Wolfwood before so i didn't know how to draw his hair, so i had to do some practises.
Oh woe is me. I wonder what will happen to you in the end.......

i'm back and a thousand dollars richer.

Hello everyone, this is a picture of my cousin alex and what i did to him the first day i went back to fort mcmurray. It makes me laugh evertime i see it. Alex is my favorite little cousin. Hoh hoh.
Soo... i forget if i've said anything these past few blogs, but i've discovered recently that i have an admirerer. I always thought i'd be extremely happy to have one, but as i have discovered.... sometimes its not that great. Sooo. i just found out a few days before i went back to fort mac that some one likes me (which is extremely rare) and i was like *ooh i dont know what to do because i'm not sure what i think about him* and then i was like. *well i guess i can go back to fort mac and sort out my feelings* and that is exactly what i did. I discovered that i do not feel the same way about him. i tried to make a list of pro's and con's and there were a LOT of cons.... i feel kinda bad but its true. like as a friend i like him, but thats all really. From what i know of him hes not really 'my type'. And then it started to annoy me that he would text msg me everyday w/ the most mundane information. It got really annoying. and the fact that i avoided going on msn truly makes me believe that i dont really like him that way. He got me something from calgary and i didn't know what to expect or do when i received it. (it was a panda plushy). And then today i seen a picture of 2 of those panda plushies hugging each other on the BG of his cell. eeeyaaaa. I think that one of the main reasons that i wont think of him as more than just a friend is the fact that hes not very mature. I think i'm more mature than he is and i'm very immature. Plus.... I dunno its also the little details i pick up at work. Like how he'll tell someone the mean things that people say about them for no reason whatsoever and that starts building grudges. and he also asks for certain people to get fired and stuff. Just small stuff like that that i pick up on. And also when me and him and 2 of my workmates young kids were playing GC he seemed to take it really really seriously. like serious button jamming win win situations because you know how important it is to beat two 12 year old kids right?. ERG i dunno its all this is just making me really frustrated right now. If i could ask for one thing for my boyfriend to have it would be to be able to stand by myside and back me up if i ever needed his help, and i just dont see him doing that. ARG.
But really, change in direction here because thats really angering me. So...school starts in 2 days....*sob sob* i hate school. i'm gong to be taking 5 classes this year.... this actually going to be the 1st time i've had 5 courses in one semester since 1st year when i dropped psych. hoy we'll see how that goes. i'm also going to experiment w/ the not buying of a bus pass for september to see if i can time manage better. But yeah so thats all the plans that i have for now. Oh. i just finished reading TRIGUN vol. 9 I actually really like that one. Even though vash wasn't in it, it was pretty good. I read it at least twice so far. Yum yum. Welp, thats all for now folks.