It'sa me MARIO!

har i lied i'm not mario. but i have been playing paper mario :) aaaah mario is so funny. Today was a day where if i were a meaner person i woulda knocked some teeth out. Customers who are asses deserve to eat food teethless i tell you. At work when its super busy, theres always that one dickface who refuses to take the table you offer them and instead request the single super dirty table in the far far corner. And when you want to leave, regardless of the fact that you are out of uniform purse in hand and sneakers on, everyone still waves you (not the waitress) down and requests you to refill their water, and when you refil their water they tell you to bring them napkins, and when you bring them napkins they tell you to bring them side plates. GAWD save some breath for the love of god say it all the first time....vreh. so yeah today was pretty shitty now that i think about it. but on the plus side i successfully made it to WEM and bought red bean popsicles :D yeaaaaah.hmm maybe i should eat one right now....wooo aaaah, so i booked off the next 3 days from work so i could go with my brother to the upcomming smackdown event on tuesday......yeaaah who likes john cena...hahaha. not to mention i can finally go shopping with out constantly worring about being late for work. have i told anyone lately that i've gona like shoe craving? it comes from my mom's genes i tell you. i have like....7 pairs of shoes i'm gunning down right now....sigh....i wish i were rich. HAHAHAHAH aaah ebay is fun. me and my friend are looking up jock straps on ebay. when your sad, it never ceased to fail. i wonder how much underwear models get paid....

aaaw-sum

no my loyal fans i havent disappeard off the face of the earth, i just took a extended leave of absense. I went back to my hometown of fort mac for mothers day and the rest of the week and it was funny cuz i seen like...20 classmates during the week. aaaaah. But aside from the boring week of work, i *earned* enough moolah from working to pay off summer school... oh boy hahaha. My daddy paid me in cash cuz i left before cheques were distributed so i was carrying around like 1000 bucks. AND THEN my mom gave me money, followed by gramma followed by my brother. so i was like asking to be mugged haha. I had 2 live by myself for 2 days and boooy do i hate it hahah so boring, and night time is creeeeepy. i like taped my eyes shut so they wouldn't play tricks on me. buuuut the main reason for this entry today is to comment on GREEN DAY! hohooo i went 2 their concert today and it was grood. yup yup. i actually managed to save enough oxygen to last the whole concert at the 2nd row. (not on top of a garbage can like sum 41) haha i was so pissed off, some guy decided to punch some other guy via my face and he like skimmed my jaw. and 3 guys were like *fuck man you hit her* haha i told my brothers i got hit in the face and lost a tooth haha. after THAT escapade a crowd surfer kicked me in the eye resulting in my contact popping out. so i had 2 see a half blurry half clear billie, tre and mike. then i got clonked on the head like ....8 times by butt's belonging to crowd surfers. haaah but it was good ahha greenday puts on good concerts. 2 chicks in front of me passed out and i smirked cuz i seen their eyes roll 2 the back of their heads....hahah im going 2 hell. but i thinmk i gotta go 2 sleep now before my brain compresses into my spine.

Realization

Okay, i think i've finally come to a realization over one thing. I'm not over Craig. i know this because of the simple fact that when i see the name craig i get floaty and my heart skips a beat. Whats especially sad is that I've never actually met him before. Although i do recall that i had like several opportunities to meet him but ironically something would happen on the exact day an hour or 2 before/during the meeting time....it makes me sad. Really really sad and I cant help but wonder what would have happened. I know theres like a 50-50 chance that it would have ended even worse off, but that way i wouldn't have to keep thinking about him anymore. just on with my life knowing that he was a real asshole and i'm better off. Now all i can do is make up the excuse and *hope* that he was an asshole which would explain the sudden disappearance. It makes me sad again. its been like 5 months since i last talked to him but even the last conversation seemed awkward. What would have happened if i met you that day? What would have happened if I hadn't had a boyfriend that time? Would you still be here by my side? It sucks not knowing. Craig is my favorite guy that i've liked before (even considering that I haven't met him before) mostly because hes so sweet but brutally honest at the same time....he knows how to make a girl feel good. And it saddens me. I think the real kicker for me that made me like him more than everyone else was that when i was going out with a boyfriend and craig didn't know, he flirted with me and then he asked me if i had a boyfriend (i hate mitch more because of this) and i told him yes cuz if i said no that would be cheating (DAMMIT). so i said yes i had a boyfriend. And i swear i could feel his depression even though were were like 400km's apart. I felt so sad that night, and nothing (even the fact that i had my own boyfriend) seemed to make it go away. And then, like a week later my ass of a beau broke up with me because he didn't htink long distance relationships would work (FUCK THAT SHIT he KNEW i had to leave at the end of the summer so why'd he FUCKING BOTHER) i was like brutally devestated and my brothers and cousin tried to drag my out of my bed and my cousin got me to dry my eyes and come on the computer where she then proceeded to called up Craig (at 3AM) and told him to come online. I dont know if she told him that i needed cheering up or whatnot but he came on line and did just that. At 4AM i stopped crying and was laughing again because he picked up right where he left off and i loved him for that because he made me happy for that hour. And that was the end. Pretty much after that night i never talked to him again....or at least the same Craig anyways. I can't possibly believe that I miss him this much. How can I possibly miss someone that I've never met before. I mean i dont even know his last name, even. It makes me sad because I can't even forget about him, every where i go i see signs with Dr. Craig's or Jenny Craig, or shit like that....my fucking ex's MIDDLE NAME was Craig. how....please somebody tell me HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY....(sigh). Could you at least come back online once and leave me a message or something? Tell me your married, Tell me your gay, Tell me something....anything so that i can move on....all i really wanted to know was what could have happened.

Sadness and Sorrow

It sucks being lonely you know. One of these days I hope to go to a psychiatrist and have them diagnose me with some time of accute mental disorder, then hopefully I'll make more sense. Cause seriously sometimes I think way to much for my own good. I think its just the Edmonton air, I never used to think this much in high school....or maybe its just growing up....I hate growing up. When i was 6 i didn't worry about not having a boyfriend, when i was 12 i didn't worry about not having a boyfriend, when i was 17 i didn't really worry about not having a boyfriend. Now that i'm 19 i'm worried about not having a boyfriend. When your single it just seems that the world likes rubbing it in your face, and couples come prancing around in your face holding hands, kissing and eating each others faces like theres no tomorrow. Another thing i hate is memories, iknow iknow i have a lot of good memories with friends....or at least i used to think so....not really anymore, I can't seem to make it a day without thinking of some stupid embarssing situation i've put myself in and when i start to think of something from the past i pinch myself and tell myself to think of something else. Guys leave terrible TERRIBLE impressions on me. I'm starting to think that all guys are assholes. There was only one guy i knew in elementary that i liked and i'm pretty sure that for some godforsaken reason he had liked me too....but....she thought that he was useless and woudln't even think of him as a chance. I'm sorry that I didn't stand up to her, and i really really regret never getting to know you. My life is so full of regrets, that i seriously wonder every single day how it would be different if I had done something different instead. Fate is always a couple days off. What would have happened between me and you if i did come over that night? would you have become more than just a memory, would this hole in my heart be gone....would the sound of your name no longer bring pain and hatred? I dont know, but i really wish you'd come back just for one day, where me and you could sort things out and perhaps bid our final goodbyes properly rather than your abrupt disappearnce from my life. Whats really really sad, i think is that you probably dont even remember me, whereas i had at one time fell for you because you treated me differently than everyone else and saw through my shell....or at least i thought you did. The last few times i spoke with you, you seemed like a completely different person. I guess i hate admiting it and dont think i can, but i dont think you really knew me at all. You're just a player and no matter how hard she defends you thats the word that i associate with you now. i have to forget about you.But at the same time one day, even if its after i die, i'd like to meet you. I'd give you the sad smile that i've developed and I'd tell you what you put me through. Would things have been different if i was prettier....perhaps skinnier? One thing i know, is that the friend that isnt one any more was both and her life? Picture perfect, and if it isn't you're sure putting on a good act. I miss being a kid. One of these days if I go to far I just plan on freaking out and have my family admit me to a mental institute....(even if i do end up faking it but at least i can be myself)

the viscious cycle continues

Look what your terrible backstabbing blog has resulted in me doing. Writing a terrible (not sure if its going to be backstabbing yet) blog about you. Cue flashback, yesterday (read the blog if you must) remember how I told you my friend made me feel like a complete idiot with that whole elbow pipe and *is it the hood stand part* how insulting is that. And not to mention thats totally not the only things she tells me that makes me feel bad. Like when i tell her i can't do soemthing cuz blah blah, shes like *um.... i don't know about you but i can do it just fine* well gee thanks for making me feel totally useless. UGH i'm getting so pissed off again, its like she doens't have the tenacity to think that shes not the only person whos got feelings. Like seriously when i read that very very first entry about me I got super sad and worried and was like man now what, its gonna be so awkward. but i guess i just pretended like i didn't read it and everyting was okay, i just tried to be more like...i dunno careful with my words. BUT SERIOUSLY how am i supposed to be fucking careful when you *basically* tell me that i'm a bimbo. I seriously dont think you think about your words and how much of a hypocrite you are. If i hurt your feelings with harsh words i'm sorry, but it certainly doens't give you the right to make me feel like an invalid. And I think the MAIN reason why this caused a big kuffufin was because I found the blog in the first place. I would CERTAINLY HOPE that if your gonna write bad blogs about one of your best friends that you yourself said had once considered family, it SHOULD NOT be a direct link on your main homepage that is posted on your msn profile that everyone has access too. I know this blog of mine really isnt' any better but at least its not easily accessible unless you have really good luck surfing blogs or i friggen give you the link. Ugh, i have such a terrible life i think sometimes. Like basically my 2 very best high school friends who i've known for 12 and 9 years, make me feel useless half the time. Such a bad relationship. but well yeah i'm ging to go now, and eat or something cuz all that crying and punching walls (weakly as *someone* tells me) has made me really nungry.

some one just shoot me

ug, tis been a super super long time...like 2 weeks...hahaha. my god today was a terribly looooong day. i went in to work 2 hours early to let the other hostess take the rest of the day off to study (which i also had to do also) and i get off at 10 (supposed to) and every single saturday, right at 10'oclock (never ceases to fail) i get bombarded w/ a million take outs and never end up leaving till like 10 30-10 45. Whats even worse is I ring it under the other girl's name cuz i figure i'll leave before they come....nope...wrong. and those last few tables always give a tip... boo hoo.. haha but its okay my waitress gives me the tip anyways cuz i end up packing it and getting soup...hoho...well okay that was work. i got home at like 10 45 and my tbone aunt has called and left like 3 messages telling me or my brother to go and pick up some rice and leftovers. n i was like *but but...its like 11 and its late and i dont have a car anymore* and she was like *hmmm....hmmmm.....hmmmmmmm....i know, send your brother over, tell him to take the bus* n i was like...*but...but* so i got suckered in, and then i was like (lightbulb) i know we'll take the spare emergency car keys and take the car and stop a block away from her place and then walk 2 get the food, cuz hell I aint waiting who knows how long for a bus to come at 12AM on a saturday night. so we got the key and went 2 start up the car....BUT IT WOULDN'T START n i was like....omg oh myyy god not my car brothers gonna kill me. so we sat in the car a bit and tried to see if we left any lights on or anything, but everything was off. so i was like shit man wtf. arg so i called AMA and they were like we'll be there in ~90 minutes. so i was like okay thanx.....DAMNIT THE FOOD. so i like brain hemmoraged cuz i thought so hard. i gave AMA my cell number so they'd call b4 they got here so i was debating who should keep the phone. but in the end i gave it to my brother who went to take the bus and get the food so he could call and stuff if anything happened and he could call the house phone when AMA finally called. so i swear that 90 minutes was like the longest time of my life. my brother called like 4 times to check what bus to take, got the food, coming home now. and FINALLY the AMA guy called and i waited downstairs for like 10 mintues....nada. so i came back up stairs to call brother and see and still ntohing. Finally i see the flashing yellow lights....long story short, the man fixed the car...big sigh of relief. What was really weird (and scary) was that the car was like....not as we remember leaving it. first of all the car tarp was off (and in the trunk), battery was dead (duh main story here but how is the question) and finally, when i popped the hood for the guy this like...arm sized elbow shaped black plastic pipe was like....lying underneath the hood right in the middle on top of the engine. and the guy like picked it up and looked at me weird, n i was like...uh...i dunno not mine....so weird....but yeah that was the end. oh no wait one more thing. so after the big kuffufin was over i told my friend what happened and about that elbow pipe thing, and the first thing she said was *was it the hood stand*. n i was like already pissed off and when i seen that i like almost punched the screen. COME ON i'm not fricken stupid here, i mean i'm not an automotives person but i can tell what the stand looks like. GAWD.... i mean seriously, sometimes i wonder. This is the same friend that had that wrote that blog about me saying how sometimes my words to her were harsh and stuff. How much of a hypocrite are you if you do the same to me. Seriously sometimes the questions and answers she gives me are a serious insult to my intelligence. Yes i know i'm a bimbo sometimes but thats when I act like it. guh.... so angry....and hot...and tired...and head achey....vreh....oh and btw my food was cold.... oh one more thing, after i finally settled down it finally dawned on me how much it seems like i've grown up. Like i feel really immature sometimes and scared to do things on my own, but I think maybe today I proved to myself that I can take charge and take care of things. Cuz like in the car, i didn't even really stop to think i just popped open the glove compartment and called AMA. and i thought a pretty smart response to the big cell phone dilemna and it was a good call. and ....so yeah hahah i'm really proud of myself today cuz i handled it pretty well...haha yay.....this calls for a cookie...mmmm

ARG FUCK ME

AAAARGH, SERIOUSLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE THESE DAYS. My god. Come on world, how come you gotta be so mean to me. First off all my *long weekends* are fucking useless ESPECIALLY if i gotta work them all. Damn you fucking Goldie, took all the days off and gave me all her shifts till she gets mother fucking back from her nice holiday. I can't even fucking go shopping for fucks sake cuz i got THE shittiest shifts ever. ARG. AND THEN my mofo stupid DICK SHIT of a brother starts like flipping out on me....well ACTUALLY he was flipping on out my older brother who's out here in edmonton with me. Basically calling him useless and a mooch. n he was complaining that we use his car too much and that we take it on joy rides. FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING GOD i'm fucking sorry if we need food to live and if that is an inconvenience to you. So then he tells me that its not fair taht he has to pay for tune ups and insurance and all that crap. n i'm like FUCK YOU ASSHOLE man its your OWN fault for leaving the car out here and you staying up in fort mac molting. You could come back if you wanted to but nooo stay it is. and BULLSHIT on that whole paying the insurance part, i mean you paid for it either way. If we didn't drive your fucking car it'd be out here doing fuck shit anyways. So he wants us to send him up his car keys, which is fine by me because i've managed on my own w/o a car this long i'm sure i can again. A car is a luxury sure, and its nice to have around but i dont fucking need it. call me an asshole i seriously dont give 2 shits right now. But 2 can play this game. Personally i'd consider myself to be the most favored child of us 3, mostly cuz i'm the youngest, the only girl (evil snicker) the *happiest* and maybe the most independant. So my parents probably secretly worry about me the most and when i have a problem they really worry. So being out here *on my own* must give them nightmares. But they breath a sigh of relief knowing that i have a nice reliable car to help me travel halfway across town to retrieve our weekly rations (which i also pay for). I'd love to see the glares they give Terence (who is living w/ them btw) when i send them the keys back w/ a nice loving note saying *Terence's car keys, because he doesn't want us to drive his car anymore* Thats waht you get for being such a greedy bastard. Send your hate mail I dont care. If i was up in rich city making shit loads of money I wouldn't care if my brothers drove my car around once a week to get food. Seriously if he honestly wants to leave fort mcmurray i dont see why he doesn't. I know the restaurant is having some ridiculously stupid family bickerings but if he left, i'm sure they'd friggen force those stupid differences aside and make up. If not just close the damn restaurant down, from what i hear everyones sick and tired of it anyways. My rant for the day, sincerely Corinna-pissed off-Chow

you know you're bored when....

you go on ebay and look up used underwear....*le sigh*. hahah who knew that KitKat had so many flavors?? gaawd i want to buy all the flavors i see just so i can start a collection or something. I was on ebay and i seen strawberry,cappachino, white lemon yogurt, green tea, orange, blood orange, friggen christmas pudding...and they all come in pretty colors.... siiiigh. welp today was an interesting day. I woke up earlier than usual and went *grocery* shopping w/ my brother, only we didnt make it and went 2 walmart and toys r us instead. haha i bought a pair of shoes, and then some easter chocolate for my friends. Painting class was okay today, we're doing reproduction today and i WAS gonna do johannes vermeer's *girl w/ a pearl earring* but the other girl did n i was like, aaaah i dont want 2 compete. So even though i really really really liked that one, i sighed and went with my 2nd choice of jan van eyke's *man w/ a red turban* the colors arent as vivid...wut the heck man w/ the exception of red there are like no colors...haha but i guess its okay. that turban will take me like the whole time i bet, but thats okay, as ppl tell me i seem to have a knack for painting cloth. Em what else, oh i know, right after i left the studio i seen the sushi chef from work outside waiting for a bus...which sushi chef?? shaaadup you know who. hahah....maan i'm craving junk food. mcDAMMIT i shoulda brought my painting home, i was actually in a pretty good mood considering a stayed liek an hour more. hah

Moo

aaah, nothing like slaving 2 hours in the morning to get your brother tickets to a event for his birthday only to be told later by him that he doesn't want them. *siiigh*. well today i just feel like rambling on about some useless stuff, nothing really to rant and rave about....except that my wisdom teeth have decided to start resurfacing at the same time. So yes my jaw does feel like its being pried apart. *ow* At work today i flicked ginger in my eye. it burnt. Its ironicly funny i think how i had originally gotten a job to work the afternoons so that i wouldn't be wasting them away. but magically somehow i no longer work the afternoons and instead work the busiest evenings. Its crazy i tell ya..OOH OOH especially yesterday. these damn assholes came in frolicking around like they owned the place. i felt so bad for the waitress who served them. Poor girl. welp. I think i might be alergic to surgical steel. I changed my barbells a week or 2 ago and like my tongue started to hurt again, so i put back in the original piercing one and it went back to normal. DAAAMIT. ps, who knew that rice absorbed flavors? i sure as hell didn't. Yesterday i had 2 pieces of leftover sushi so i put it in a container along w/ the left over wasabi and ginger and plopped it into the fridge. Just now i took it out and ate it and it tasted like someone smeared wasabi all over the sushi, i almost cried cuz it was so hot. haha but i didn't. PS, i'm a butch, haha at work all the girl's always ask for help moving the big tables. When i do it i'm like *RAAAAGH HULK OUT*n i ram that table to wehre it belongs....haha yeah im a pretty sad version of a girl. hahah

AAAAAAARGH

aaaaarg, you have absolutely no idea how much rage i am in right now....Not to mention its 10 friggen AM, i mean who the hell is up at 10AM??? ME thats who. ARG.
yaaaah, so i went and did stuff just now for 45 mintues, and i'm still pretty angry. Reason being, my 2nd brother's 24th birthday is coming up and him being an avid wrestling fan and all i decided to invest in some wrestling tickets for the upcoming smackdown event coming to Edmonton. and so i like set my alarm clock thusday morning at 9AM so i could wake up and mass horde some good seats. doo dee dooo 9am finally rolls around and low and behold what do i discover....i got up on the fruckin' wrong day. VREH. so blah blah wutever. Saturday morning finally rolls around and i sit w/ like, my timer and jolt cola on hand ready to do some ass fast typing and clicking. 9AM...BAM i'm like click drag point click *enter* FLOOR SEATING 3RD ROW NORTH SECTION YEAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! i'm like WHOO HOOO NO NOSEBLEED SECTION!!!! so i like did a little dance and opened up a 2nd window 2 maybe look for some better tix (hey i cant help it im chinese) doo doo, naaw i'll just leave it, so i start like filling in my addy and credit card info and push *enter* only to be blessed w/ this ungodly sight *We're sorry, but your 1 minute has expired and the tickets you were holding have been given up* i did my whide eyed look and went 2 look for them again, my new tickets? row 14 East.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, i seriously like went into shock i think. i guess i'll end this one short and sweet. being chinese and all i ended up looking around for some more and got some row 11east ones....but then after i paid i found some row 8east ones.... and me being like dumb and splurge of the moment i bought those too.... so yeaah....anyone wanna buy some SMACKDOWN tickets? aaaah well, i'll use the magic of ebay and hopefully luck will befall this hopeless schmuck, if not.... looks like i'll have 2 be going 2 smackdown

p-p-pingu-pingu

Who loves pingu? i sure do. I remember one time i watched pingu and his bed grew legs and started walking towards a giant seal. it was funny. Welp, anyways, gonna be a short post today. My aunt and aunts went 2 mirama today and i had to work...sooo they brought me back left overs.... mmm good ol' oily peking duck. Well, i'm not so full of anger and hot headed today so i wont be ranting that much....except for one thing. *siiiigh* I think i'm going to be doomed to live a life forever single. Why do I say that? well because all the guys that i like either A) are assholes, B) have girlfriends, or C) suddenly decide they are gay.... i'm serious about that last one btw. I like this one guy for like a super long time, and then i suddenly found out that he was bi. weeeell i guess bisexual isn't as bad as gay, because it still means he's into girls....but the way i see it, hell if i was a guy i'd go for a guy rather than an ugly girl who could be mistooken for a guy.... yes ladies and gentlemen, i am butch, and i used to be able to be mistooken for a dude. i'm not so man-ly now, but i'm still pretty butch i think....hey its what happens when you grow up w/ 2 older brothers whose favorite sports are hockey and wrestling. haha. well gonna go 2 sleep now, my stomache is all gurgly from some weird food or soemthing

STUPID SHIT HEAD

OKAY, i'm so FUCKING pissed off right now that i could fucking break something. I dont care if you read this or not anymore you fucker, cuz its about time someone told you. STOP THINKING OF ONLY YOURSELF. GAWD. So i told my cousin today that i was planning on coming back home during the spring cuz i dont have classes, and i can make a lot more money up in fort mac than i can in edmonton, cuz A) i get paid more by the hour, and B) i get a lot more hours. And being a university student i need the money. and she goes *Yeah, you need MY money*??? uh okay. so i was like...*riight, i'm taking over my mom's shifts dude, she needs the time off, and even if she has to work its not like you guys dont need the help* every day i hear someone complain of how mofo busy it is or something. and its like it just wont sink in her MOFO DENSE HEAD. GAWD I'M NOT TAKING AWAY HER FUCKING SHIFTS. i'm working my FRICKEN moms shifts so she can take some FUCKING TIME OFF. NOT TO MENTION, I highly doubt shes gonna skip class so she can work in the morning.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH MY FUCKING GOD, i think i fucking broke something punching all that shit. stupid shit. so yeah i hope everyone in etown enjoys my company for the rest of the year cuz i'm not going anywehre for awhile. friggen JESUS. i'm going to go and paint soemthing now.

TGIF?

thank god its friday :) or thank god its friday :(
no school, but yes work.... *le sigh* soo whats new cowboys? nadda really, my aunts coming out 2morrow so me and flex had 2 mass clean the place up. hah my god we have like 6 bags of news papers. (we're such hermits) I finally got my artH midterm back, and i think i got a B+...my god i'm still in shock. haha who knew? I also got a B in painting (phew) I went into Divine Wednesday to get a smaller barbell, and yaay super pretty happy Mat was there. haha hes got a great smile. While i'm on the topic of guys i'll continue to be a little girl and swoon. 2 guys that i see on a regular basis got hair cuts and became really really hot. which is bad because i work w/ one, and go 2 calss w/ the other. even worse is the one at work has a super hot smelling cologne and i almost like...followed him out 2 his car...heheh oops. welp enough of that. I really want 2 go and work on my new painting project. I'm kinda motivated to do it now cuz i got some compliments from my instructor, which was like a serious first. Also not to mention i dont like looking at one eyed bald corinna's. yaaah, i think i'll take a shower and work on it then. laters everyboby

My new piercing yay! 

I dont know what i'm doing up still

its like 5 30 and i dont know waht i'm doing up still. All i know is that i'm really hungry... dooh. I think i'm only up cuz of that stupid art project. Nooo not cuz i had 2 paint it but more because it required me taking a picture of myself that i'd have 2 paint later. And since i'm so unphotogenic, it took me like 2 hours to get a picture that i looked okay in. And since i finally got one i figured i'd put it up or something. And while i was being unphotogenic i managed to take a nice pic of my tongue piercing too, so i might as well put that one up....that is....if i remember how....

what a terrible way to end a day

ugh, aaaalright, so i was fine till just now, when i was bored and i was dooking around on a friends web site when i found a *secret* page. (which mind you isn't so secret if its a link on the main page). Okay, so this Tea Party Page is my secret page. Nobody knows it exists, except jessica (that damn ogre who traced the comment i left her) Even though she rarely reads it I still find myself putting up a guard when i write in here. Okay, well so, i found my friends secret page, and i read it, and right away i knew it was about me. And how....uh i dont understand it actually and i dont want 2 go back and read it cuz it makes me sad. But we had went out on friday and right away after supper i knew that something was wrong but i didn't know what cuz she wasn't talking. i dont know if she knew or not, but i knew right away. and i take it by her blog that she thought i didnt know. But, i just want to say this right here and now (ARG i'm getting all misty eyed now) I'm not as easy to read as you think i am. I hurt, a lot in fact. i'm upset at myself, and sometimes everyone else cuz they think they understand me, but in fact i believe no one does. I dont know how to act around people alot, and when i'm with close friends I feel so happy that sometiems i get carried away. When i get in bigger groups with people that i dont know I get so nervous and scared i swear i think i'm going to die. Its the worst feeling every. Imagine that feeling you get when your misunderstood by a person and you feel bad cuz they think your something that your not. Well, imagine feeling like that everyday, and those people are your best and closest friends. Let me get this across, I dont have that many friends. I have aquantainces that i conjure up basic grammar with, but i have very few friends that i call close....i have 3 actually. It used to be 4, but 1 of them i realized was really taking advantage of me. So yes, i have a fear of people basically, and i have a fear of opening up. I can't stand the feeling when i want to scream at the top of my lungs to get my point across that i'm not a stupid girl, but i can't. I just can't voice myself cuz i'm so damn scared, and knowing that point myself makes me want to die. I mean how useless can a person be? I'm a fucking god damn stick in the mud. I'm so scared a lot because my parents put so much faith in me and they support me and believe in everything that i do. And i swear, if it weren't for the fact that me dying would make people sad and cry, I think i'd do it. Basically the only reason i'm a live sometimes i think is that I dont want to hurt anyone. But its bad because, in the end i'm still the one who ends up suffering isnt it? Im forced to live a life, wehre I dont belong.

Been awhile raggidy sanchez

Ahoy mateys, been awile since you've heard my groaning hasn't it. haha Welp my cuz was out here so we did our usual troublemaking, doing illegal stuff scmuck. hah. Lots of fun stuff happened over the week/reading week.... i got a triple digit paycheck (whoohoo!) haha and i was able 2 go to WEM and actually buy something. yaaah. i bought a new tongue ringy-thing. i finally have a piercing thats bigger than an 18, yaaah i feel so special. hah. Yesterday me and jess each wasted 17bucks and saw *SOUL DECISION* at Reds.. haha well not *wasted* but.. you know. Trevor has a hot voice...an is himself hot. So is that Tito guy, (hes funny cuz while everyone was drinking water, he chugged back a beer). I swear everytime he mosied on over 2 the guitarist or the singer and started rocking out, it looked like he was gonna kiss them...haha (i wish). Eeeem, what else...oh right, so at work, the chef's are finally seeming 2 like friendly up now. I feel like a creep cuz i keep on looking at one of the younger guys and trying 2 decide whether or not hes not...(insert eyeball roll here) hahaha seriously though. Like whats w/ me and getting attracted to the bad guy persona?? It so can't be good for me.... haha. welp, my toungue feels like its back to its regular normal flexible pointy self, so when i can finally change the piercing i'll take a picture. Hup hup, *engines ready?* hahaha i was watching treehouse over the weekend. That mofo racoon jackson makes me want to cry. hahah aaah i have 2 go ans shower and sleep now. worky worky 2morrow.

The Day After

hey scrappy doo. So its the day after and my tongue doesn't seem to be getting any bigger. PHEW i was scared that i was gonna like choke on it or soemthing. hahah. i cant pronounce my s' and t's and i cant do my crazy soundeffects, but ashide from dat i'm doing good. My cousin and one of my old friends said they wanna go and get soemthing pierced so I hope to take them to Divine. hahaha i'm not a stalker!! Jess is on webcam/audio right now and is palying songs by the moffatts...haha le sigh* i used to like the moffatts. doo dee doo. So i went to WEM today (accidentally i SWEAR) and i went and bought my mommy her birfday present at Fairweathers (i've decided to boycott Laura Petites cuz that bitch ass lady) but also ran into trouble.... sigh i just can't help but look like the dupe-able type. So i found a blazer that I thought my mom would like but noticed a button missing, so i took it along w/ a pair of pants up 2 the cashier, and told the girl that a button was missing. And she (who was on the phone the whole entire time talking to her bf or something said) *I'll give you 5% off*.... HONESTLY, 5% what is that like...a dollar??? duh, if i was that lady i'd feel ashamed for even offering 5%. If i said that at my work place the customers would prolly shove a fortune cookie up my ass. but yeaaah that was my day...ahah now that i think about it it was kinda terrible. I was craving like junk food, so i bought a poutine at NYFries.... haha big mistake, it took me like...45 minutes to eat 3/4 of it. I left after that. hahah i cant believe i made my friend wait that long. haha. Welp today was a very unproductive day. I slept till like 2, then i went out at 3ish 2 look for some unfound place and ended up walking around WEM till it closed...haha oh god im turning into a mall rat....I REALLY SHOULD BE PAINTING NOW....

The feeling is almost Euphoric

Does anyone else love the feeling they get the moment after they've gotten a piercing/tattoo or something? Well I sure as hell do. Aaaah it feels so good. Heh heh, so i tried going to sleep super early yesterday so that today would come faster (not to mention i was really really tired) but alas, i stayed awake till 2AM channel surfing w/ my brother. I hopped into bed but i dont think i actually fell asleep till like...4AM... haha then i woke up 2 hours b4 my alarm clock rang and ended up just cleaning up the house, doing dishes, and making something to eat....random stuff. Hah, i never thought it was true about losing your apetite when your nervous, but boy was i wrong. I almost chucked up my perogie breakfast this morning cuz i was so nervous..hwa hwa. Aside from that my nerve racking day was also accompanied w/ a little anger. My friend who was supposed 2 accompany me was late today. I was even angrier cuz i know shes usually late so i called her b4 i even got dressed and told her i was leaving the house now and 2 meet me at the University and still managed to be 20 mintues late. Aaaah but whatever, my piercing man was hot good enough. Haa, so that means i didn't chicken out, i'd feel terrible if i did. So my piercing man was named Mat, and he was pretty :p I feel bad cuz I super drooled on his hand when he went 2 tighten the beads, haha *doh* So far i've always had a pretty guy do all my rebel stuff. I almost started laughing cuz all the stories i've read about him say he talks really fast, and boy does he ever. But aaah who cares he was hot and told me i was *so cute* tee hee. The piercing itself actually hurt a bit more than i was expecting, but i guess *duh* After i got out of the store i almost did that leprechaun jump haha feels soo good, mmmm. I have like a lisp-y now and an overbundance of saliva in my mouth, but its all good... aaah so pretty. If i ever decide to go and poke some more stuff in me i'll go back 2 divine, I like the guys there they're all like nice and friendly. haha so heres more advertisement, GO TO DIVINE ON WHYTE!!....AND KYOTO ON JASPER!! hahaha. aaaah i'm so happy after i get piercings and tattoo's done. When my tongue unswells from the size of a golfball i'll go and take a picture or something okeey. I have a wierd tongue, and my cousin tells me its gross. aaaw, but its okay, someone else decide if its weird or not later okay. Bye

Whirlwind Kick HIYA

yeaaah so i just got up.... looks like a mighty fiiiine day today...haha no. welp its all set nooow :p i'm going in on wednesday 2pm to get my toungue pierced...oooh aaah getting those butterflies again.... hahah maaan how did i ever make a week feeling like this last year? I'm haveing a terrible terrible fear that i'm going sneeze right when he goes to put the needle through....hah seriously i keep thinking that. My friend is coming w/ me but she wont get anything pierced. she told me she thought about getting her navel pierced but she wont go do it....*sigh* if i had a flat tummy like she did i'd get it pierced too.... arg gar, i guess i should get ready or semthing.... maybe paint....but i dont think i will. Work is coming along nicely, cept when it gets really busy like on fridays and saturdays... oh the horrors the horrors. so my cousin should be coming out this time next week....which is always great cuz i never get anything done... hwaa hwaaa.... yeaaah. but i'm gonna go and shower then make a lunch or soemthing and go to work. bye bye