Realization

Okay, i think i've finally come to a realization over one thing. I'm not over Craig. i know this because of the simple fact that when i see the name craig i get floaty and my heart skips a beat. Whats especially sad is that I've never actually met him before. Although i do recall that i had like several opportunities to meet him but ironically something would happen on the exact day an hour or 2 before/during the meeting time....it makes me sad. Really really sad and I cant help but wonder what would have happened. I know theres like a 50-50 chance that it would have ended even worse off, but that way i wouldn't have to keep thinking about him anymore. just on with my life knowing that he was a real asshole and i'm better off. Now all i can do is make up the excuse and *hope* that he was an asshole which would explain the sudden disappearance. It makes me sad again. its been like 5 months since i last talked to him but even the last conversation seemed awkward. What would have happened if i met you that day? What would have happened if I hadn't had a boyfriend that time? Would you still be here by my side? It sucks not knowing. Craig is my favorite guy that i've liked before (even considering that I haven't met him before) mostly because hes so sweet but brutally honest at the same time....he knows how to make a girl feel good. And it saddens me. I think the real kicker for me that made me like him more than everyone else was that when i was going out with a boyfriend and craig didn't know, he flirted with me and then he asked me if i had a boyfriend (i hate mitch more because of this) and i told him yes cuz if i said no that would be cheating (DAMMIT). so i said yes i had a boyfriend. And i swear i could feel his depression even though were were like 400km's apart. I felt so sad that night, and nothing (even the fact that i had my own boyfriend) seemed to make it go away. And then, like a week later my ass of a beau broke up with me because he didn't htink long distance relationships would work (FUCK THAT SHIT he KNEW i had to leave at the end of the summer so why'd he FUCKING BOTHER) i was like brutally devestated and my brothers and cousin tried to drag my out of my bed and my cousin got me to dry my eyes and come on the computer where she then proceeded to called up Craig (at 3AM) and told him to come online. I dont know if she told him that i needed cheering up or whatnot but he came on line and did just that. At 4AM i stopped crying and was laughing again because he picked up right where he left off and i loved him for that because he made me happy for that hour. And that was the end. Pretty much after that night i never talked to him again....or at least the same Craig anyways. I can't possibly believe that I miss him this much. How can I possibly miss someone that I've never met before. I mean i dont even know his last name, even. It makes me sad because I can't even forget about him, every where i go i see signs with Dr. Craig's or Jenny Craig, or shit like that....my fucking ex's MIDDLE NAME was Craig. how....please somebody tell me HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY....(sigh). Could you at least come back online once and leave me a message or something? Tell me your married, Tell me your gay, Tell me something....anything so that i can move on....all i really wanted to know was what could have happened.