Hearts

Does anyone think that I refer to my heart too much? I think sometimes I feel my heart and my mind are 2 separate entities. Like Masa and Mune. I always talk about things that make my heart happy, or my heart smile, or my heart sad. I refer to it as if it were a real live being. And yet I never refer to my mind or do things that relax my mind. Instead I do things to distract my mind and make my heart think its happy. Hoooooow Silly. I'm just going to do some philosophical blogging today and see where it goes okay?
I find physical things I do make my mind not wander. Coming to work distracted me from constantly over thinking and the depression I was facing last year. Writing blog entries seemed to relieve stress or anxiety. But it didn't make me happy per se. It just made me able to function and go on with the rest of my day.... I'm thinking this is sounding pretty "duh" right now, but a boring routine is what was keeping my mind sane. Get up at 6:37am. Apply Makeup. Change. Go to work. Off work at 5pm. Go to the Studio. Go Home. Sleep. Repeat.  My mind was very easy  to please because it didn't have to be pleased. It just needed to be kept busy. And when my mind isn't over thinking, overacting, overanalyzing. Then my heart is okay too..... I suppose, now having said that, I should realize the 2 are connected. All is One and One is All. When my heart feels Happy, my mind is Happy.
Holy Shit Epiphany much!
It's just finding that balance I guess. My mind is always constantly arguing with my heart. Is that the reason why I'm not content? Both should be resonating, not reasoning with each other. My mind is always telling me, Look at the cold hard facts. Look what happened. Look at the meanings. Proof Proof Proof. Always trying to prove my self wrong and saying 'Didn't I tell you, this was going to happen?" While on the other hand my heart is constantly full of feelings and impulses and urges and wants, and hopes, dreams and wishes. And Brain just says 'they are too big'. Yikes. This is turning into more of a soul releasing entry than I thought. How do I get too this happy medium? Where I feel confident. Where my heart can feel happiness, and my mind feels safe. I'm just realizing now as I write this entry how much my mind and heart argue with each other. If my brain were a person, it would be the most stubborn, know-it-all person in the world. I'll give myself that much that I am insightful and fucking logical and when I talk things out I usually have sprouted the answer without me knowing. But.... that shouldn't stop me from doing things should it? Or should it... Damnit ! That last line is TOTALLY my heart thinking. Sneaky, sneaky heart. Trying to convince Brain that you know best !
The confusing part for me, I think is. My heart does things that, yes, make my heart happy. Makes me feel happy. But only temporarily. And then reality (the outcome) kicks in and is like Fuck You Bitch. And Brain is like 'I tooooooold you this was going to happen, you shoulda listened'.
Moral of the story is. I should be listening to my mind right? I'm a Scientist at Heart.
Basically I think what I'm trying to do right now is justify the actions my heart wants to do. Justify the stupid things I do. Aaaaaugh. So silly right now. I'm imaging this conversation physically happening right now. Me physically giving advice to a friend (that friend being my heart) and I can just see me face palming myself over how stupid this person is, and how they aren't hearing the words that are being said. Just to lost in their own thoughts and idealizations.
Oh. Em. Gee.
In case you guys haven't guessed. I'm eluding to wanting to message Ponyboy again. *FACEPALM*. I know, I know. Let me wallow in my false glimmers of hope.
"Why would you ever do that", said Brain.
"Because it makes me happy", said Heart
"No it doesn't, the thought of it and what you think is going to happen is what makes you happy. But it never does because you haven't learned to stop expecting things to happen."
"But you are the one that is imposing these false images and ideas into me.........How do I stop that?"

.......Problem not solved D: