Heartbeats

Sometimes my heart starts racing randomly.
For no apparent reason that I can connect to....
I wonder if this is unhealthy......

Anyways, its kinda sorta a slow day at work today and I just thought I'd write an entry here and get some thoughts out of my head.
This blog is my diary btw. My therapy.
I've been feeling really cheerful lately. Normal actually. It's nice. I read a quote awhile back ago that read something like:

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

I want to change it to When you change, but I'm sure it still applies. I understood it when I read it at the time and I knew eventually something would change, but I was constantly waiting for that perspective shift. Right after my break-up, everything I looked at made me mad or sad. People, things places. I wanted to get away, I didn't want to see people, I didn't want to go anywhere and I didn't want to do anything because nothing mattered. Everything made me sad and doubt myself. I just wanted to be alone where nothing would remind me of anything, because everything made me sad.
It's interesting, funny, and odd how something so simple makes such a big difference. I keep on envisioning myself taking a tiny, tiny sidestep to the left and then it's like suddenly everything looks different. Perspectives change. Things that used to make me sad don't make me sad anymore. In fact some of those things make me happy and my life feels interesting again. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest. Things are in color again and I feel like smiling.
Confidence is a silly thing sometimes.
Anyways..... Do you know what silly thought is going through my head now because of this sudden burst of confidence.

To message ponyboy.....

Oh my god you can't be serious, right?!
Sadly I am. I keep thinking to myself ! I was so boring and sad and mopey when he met me, that this happier, smilier C will be more attractive. That is what is going through my head. I keep having this notion of asking him to come to the antique mall with me in the west end next weekend.... The only thing is I deleted his number... ha-ha. (But I'm pretty sure I still remember it though......). Anyways, I'm sure that this is a bad idea. If I have any regular readers, whenever I have GREAT WONDERFUL IDEAS, I always talk them out here first, and pretty much foretell the horrible outcome with basic common sense......but still decide to go through with said horrible idea in the first place. Anyways, I'll give it a few days. Hopefully this silly urge boils over. As he once said to me 'Expectations are what Ruin Things'

I'll tell you all the outcome next week.