Did it have to start the day after my birthday?....

I believe that this year is going to be a bad year for me. Why, you ask me? Well for starters, less than 24 hours after i turned 21, i started cutting my wrist again. I havent done that in a REALLY long time. (At least not that i remember anyways) I cried really hard in the bathroom too, and i cried again today. I haven't cried in consecutive days in more than 2 years too I think. Yesterday was just a really bad day. I had my belated 'birthday party' (nice eh?) Early in the afternoon Jess gave me a call 2 go to whyte w/ her. I was really tired still but I was like sure whatever. (She said she came out to Edmonton for my birthday, but i really doubted that when she said that. 1st of all we didn't really do anything birthday-ish together, and 2nd of all, she didn't stay at our place, so it leads me to believe, my birthday just coincided w/ some other event she had planned out here) But anyways, so we went 2 eat lunch at Chili's and I was telling her I always get jacked and end up paying more for my meal whenever I go out w/ a certain group of friends and we split the bill. And then for Dinner me, her and a bunch of people went to Japanese Village to eat. Jess left early, (coinciding event?) and because of that i screwed up on how to split the bill (it would have been divided exactly by 7 but she didn't stay so i had to take off a certain percent of the food she didn't eat). But she paid for my share, and that was nice cuz i didn't know, but in the end I ended up dishing out 10$ because of the confusing bill. After dinner we went to city centre to watch the Grudge II. I've been waiting to watch this for a while, and i checked in the SEE paper when it would be showing. There was a showing at 7 15 and i thought that woulda been perfect cuz dinner was at 5 and we could walk right over. But when we got to city centre, the ticket person said that they weren't showing Grudge anymore. I was like WTF. I dont know how it happened but we ended up watching SAW III instead. Within the first 10 mintues of the movie i was really tempted to get up and leave because i DID NOT want to watch the movie. So after the movie ended i was pissed and angry. Then me and Ling went 2 her place 2 get ready to go to a club on jasper w/ tara and jamie. We got ready in like 10 mintues and Tara told us to meet her at 7 11, so the 2 of us waiting like half an hour for the train to go to corona, and then we walked in the snow (PS it started snowing shitloads right after midnight on my birthday.) from corona to 711, where tara called and told us she walked back home, so we walked back towards tara's place, and then we went 2 New City, which was exactly were me and ling got on the train to meet Tara anyways. So we made a huge useless 10 mintues circle in the -5 degree weather. They stayed at New City all night. I didn't really like any of the music because it sucked. And then at 1AM i told them that I was going to go because I still had to work the next day, still had to go 2 lings place to pick up my stuff, and try and call a cab before the clubbing rush began. Those stupid fuck faces didnt listen to a word I said, they were like 10 more mintues 10 more mintues. We fucking ended up staying till almost 2 AM. It makes me so angry because Tara ESPECIALLY thinks of herself first. (Take the Lush story I told awhile back ago). SHE didn't have to fucking work the next day, SHE didn't fucking have to catch a cab home, SHE didn't fucking walk 20 mintues in the snow. Fucksakes, but so when i got back to Lings place All the taxi lines were busy. I i started getting really angry because I KNEW that was going to happen. So i called home hoping maybe Tchow or Felix could come pick me up. And Tchow got really angry at me, which i understand cuz it was late, but he didn't have to fucking swear at me, he could have just said no. And then his car got stuck in the driveway. So i had to find my own way home. And since it was past 2AM by now I knew getting a hold of a cab would be impossible. So i walked 10 blocks home in the snow carrying my birthday presents wearing a light sweater and backless shoes. When i got home my grandparents got angry at me. I told them to go to sleep and when they went into my room to sleep, I took out my trusty serrated knife and started cutting away. I prolly sat on the kitchen floor for a good 30 mintues before going to sleep on the couch. Actually the words 'going to sleep' are way too strong. For, definately, the first time in 2 years i had trouble sleeping. It felt exactly like when i used to have insomnia, and i stayed awake till about 5AM thinking how my life was going downhill again. I dozed off lightybefore I was jarred awake by the sounds of my grandma putting away the pots and pans at 9AM. At 10AM i got out of bed to go to work.
Today was definately not any better. I actually almost cried at work today cuz I was so stressed out. I was pissed off because of how jerk customers piss me off really bad and i cant do anything about it, and how all of the servers suck. They all come in late, leave early and always make me do stuff that the should be doing. 20 mintues before i got off work i was ready to fucking scream and walk out. I dont want to work anymore either. I cried all the way home, and when i got home i went to the bathroom and cried some more before hoping into bed, and playing w/ the knife that is still in my desk drawer.
I think what really makes me depressed is how easily I'm taken advantage of, and how i can't speak up for myself. Also, the fact that my family seems to not notice (or care) that my personality has taken a drastic change makes me upset too. I could be dead or dying in my room and they'd still be outside watching David Blaine and laughing. I wrote in a previous entry that Iris and Cathy moving to BC really upset me, but i didn't publish it because i thought i wasn't realy that upset. I realize now how not true that was. Because now I dont have anyone to call and talk to, and most importantly I dont have any friends that I can actually go over to late at night when i just want to get away from my family. Yesterday I could have really done that. I couldn't sleep because i knew these next 2 days were going to be really bad. I always lose sleep and fall behind in school because my grandparents are here. It might sound greedy but its true. Not only do I NOT have a quiet place to sleep, I also can't do my homework ANYWHERE and I always get jarred awake at like 6AM by my brothers after struggling to fall asleep. I get so stressed out and depressed when my grandparents come out, and its really extra stressful that I'm OBVIOUSLY not myself and everyone chooses to ignore that fact. I'm going to take a shower right now because since yesterday my entire body has been cold, not to mention the cut on my wrist is all swollen too.

Swooning Blog Entry Today

Feel free to skip this entry if you wish because its another giggly school girly entry about some new good looking guy. Haha no this ones not from work, hes actually from tv. (Hes among the ranks and reachability of Michael Rosenbaum, aka sexy lexy) So this new tv show man is Jason Dohring (I think, i actually havent done the whole wikipedia, bio, stalker drill yet) aka Logan Echolls from 'Veronica Mars'. Funny, because the exact same thing that happened 2 Lex Luthor happend to the other guy. I didn't really like him at first, and then i started to think he was good looking, and then i started to love his character. So anyways. I was actually a little bit shocked when he and Veronica got together. But not like 'aw man' shocked but like 'aw thats nice' shocked. I think i like Veronica's character too, so 2 characters i like, getting together is okay. But anyways, Logan's character/ reactions I really like. Just, like i guess maybe thats what i imagine some guy doing to me sometimes. Like, i give him a little thank you peck or soemthing and go 2 walk away, and out of the blue he just grabs me and gives me a looooooong kiss.... *sigh* So yeah, I'd love to have a boyfriend who I could secretly make out with in the girls washroom, and one who would laugh while we're making out. I think thats sexy. hohohoho. BUT, the last episode I just watched was bittersweet because Veronica found out that the one who supplied the roofies that got her raped was Logan. And then she stood him up on their first official 'date', and then the credits rolled, and then it was the end of the dvd, and then felix stopped watching. And i was like..... *so sad...sniff sniff* But, this is supposed to be a suspense drama i think with a lot of twists and turns so *anything* could happen. But taht also means that anything 'could' happen, so Veronica could end up kicking his ass, yadda yadda yadda. Which i hope she doens't because I like him. He has a cute smile, just like bob.
Hahah, so theres the end of Swoon Blog.
So right now is officially my birthday. i'm 21 dawgs. yuh-huh. Dont really feel any different. But then again i never really do. I hope 2morrow is a good day. I dont know if i should wear my 60's costume 2 work or not. I wore my kimono 2 work today and my obi fell apart. Hahah during the busiest time possible, so i had 2 walk around holding the 2 meters of fabric in one hand. But i fixed it. And i'm happy to say that both of my costumes turned out swell. I'm really proud of the kimono cuz i actually made it properly. No real disgusting seams showing and it looks pretty good on me too.... yay. So happy that class go cancelled today. I dont have 2 wake up till 11. yessss. I love sleep, and sleep would love me if it could. Welp ttya'll later.

Oh PS. I made birthday plans for the first time ever. We're going to have dinner at Japanese Village, and then go see Grudge 2, and then I dont know what else will happen after. Hopefully fun. Hopefull I will land myself a Logan Echolls laughing kisser.

The Conversation

Today's Film Journal will be about blank blank blank's The Conversation.

I really enjoyed watching this movie, and I think I can safetly say that of all the films we watched so far, this one was my favorite. I just thought that The Conversation was overall really well done. I made note of lots of small bits that stuck out. For example, in the beginning of the film rather than suddenly start out with a shot of the man in the brown suit, the camera slowly zoomed in on the mime and followed him around till he indirectly introduced the man in the brown suit. And then I thought it was really interesting how without warning the woman and the man's voices suddenly started to break up and get digitalized. It was eerie and because I didn't know what was happening it grabbed my attention right away. I also noticed that there wasn't exactly a lot of dialouge throughout the movie. Like there'd be short sections w/ a lot of dialouge and then a lot of other scenes inbetween w/ little dialouge and more music. One scene that I thought was really interesting was the one where Harry is in the room next to 773. After going out onto the balcony and hearing the girl scream and seeing the blood across the window, I didn't understand if that was 'reality' or if he was just imagining it. I thought it was just bad editing, haha. It wasn't until the end that I discovered that that scene was meant to be unclear, and that the audience isn't supposed to know if it was Harry's imaging or not till the story finishes unfolding. I thought that it was extremely interesting that a director/ editor would be able to convey that type of unclear feeling.

Character-wise, I though Harry Caul was pretty intersting too. It was pretty neat how the director showed us his (almost) obsession with security and privacy. (Ie, the 3 locks on the door, the alarm system, the call to the caretaker about how he got in, etc) It drove the point in pretty quickly that he was really strict about people not getting in his personal space. Continuing with this idea of personal space, trust played an important role in Harry's life too, in that it seemed he didn't want to trust/ open up to anyone. I thought it was kinda sad too, because in the film, the only times he started to open up to people, something resulted because of it. The conversation he had w/ the lady in green about Amy got recorded my Bernie, and as a result everyone laughed at him because 'the bugger got bugged.' That same night, after sleeping w/ the same lady, he awoke to discover that she had taken his audio tapes. Its things like that that probably made Harry so secretive and isolated. Another thing I noted was, because Harry does what he does, he knows how easy it is for someone to spy/record/listen in, on anything he does. And because of this knowlege, he chooses to be isolated from everyone so that no one has the opportunity to spy on him. This idea also plays out in the very last part of the film when Harry is desperately trying to find the 'bug' that Martin & Co. planted in his apartment. He really crossed the line of job and obsession after deciding to break open the religious figurine, and therefore desecrating something he cared deeply for (religion). After this, it was like there was nothing holding him back now, and he continued to tear apart his apartment looking for something that probably wasn't there in the first place.

so schweaty....

Hohoh i just popped out from another bath, this one was more successful than the previous one i attempted to take. hahaha. Another super quicky today. So i seen all of my 'favorite' customers today. Hohoho (and by favorite i mean good looking) Tee hee. This week wasn't as dreamy as last week though. *siiigh* It was quite the opposite actually.... well i guess not the *complete* opposite...but yeaah. As i mentioned yesterday, super gangster man came in. I was a bit sad because his super hot chick is Karen. hahah ooooh well. I thought it was funny cuz when K walked by he did a double take. i laughed...then i cried. haha but not really. i also seen ...wow i actually seen BOTH the guys from 2 weeks ago that i commented about. The one who followed me home and the other guy who was sitting next to him. Coincedence? Maybe they are secret lovers HOHOHO. Hahaha, yvan you are a super scruffy man. You look like you just came back from the wilderness. HOHOH. and i beleve your name is ben, ....well your just pretty. Hhaha BUT. main reason for entry today... well actually not really, so dont get so hung up over yourself. Hahah i seen bob today. Because everybody has a secret name on this blog, and bob is bob's secret name i'll just stick to calling you bob. But, so i seen bob today! I haven't seen him in like 3 months. (same w/ sal, i think i scared him away when i recognized his voice over the phone, haha but YOU TOO, dont get so hung up, i recognize a lot of ppls voices over the phone, especially if they order the same thing, i recognize cynthia, elizabeth, shawn/amanda, george, and that tyler guy) But anyways, so yeah, bob looks the same. Tee hee, super cute big smile. AND one thing i noticed while passing by and cautiously looking at him.... he has a tattoo! I was actually REALLY surpised w/ that one. I dont know why, either cuz i never noticed it before, but prolly more so that i would not expect him to have a tattoo. He doens't look like the type of guy to have a tattoo... But now that i know you are the type of guy to have a tattoo.... oh boy, my opinions of you have changed. ; ) Harg, i think i am drunk from those 3 capfuls of bubble bath i soaked in. So i should probably go.... yeaah. hahah. Sleeeeep.

Embarassing Story #2

Hey ya'll, I have a quick story to tell everybody before i go to sleep. I thought it was pretty embarassing even though nobody saw me. So anyways. Yesterday (wednesday the 18) I stayed all day on campus from 10-10. I dont know why but i just did. I was extremely tired after i got home and my back was killing me. (i had to sit through a 3 hour boring movie for FS class....so horrible) But anyways after i ate supper i decided to take a 'bath'. I never take baths, and the fact that i wanted to shows how sore i was. So i drew myself a bath and sat inside the steamy water for like an hour or soemthing. haha. and then after my bath i unplugged the tub and turned on the shower to rinse off. (skin soup anybody) And i guess because i had been sitting down for so long, and suddenly got up i got a little bit lightheaded. So i just closed my eyes and put my hand on the tile wall to steady myself. Well, apparently, during the 5 seconds i closed my eyes i somehow managed to fall asleep. Yes ladies and gentlemen i fell asleep while standing up. I was so embarassed. Hahaha because i could actually feel myself tipping over and yet my eyes did not open. my brain even said *hey, hello...you are tipping over... wake up* But wake up, i did not. In fact, the only reason my eyes opened was because my knee hit the faucet. hahaha i recal as i was falling i said aloud *oh no, what am i dont* hahahaha. But so yeah. thats my story. If you really really think about it.... its quite hilarious.
PS. super good looking gangster man came in today. And the 'hot chick' is Karen.... for anybody who cares. I was dashed :( hahah but not really. Any hoo gotta go. Later

Cirque du Soleil: Delirium

Hello everybody, so I just came back from Rexall Place after watching Cirque du Soleil. It was pretty amazing. I love watching entertainment circus. (not animals) They are so magical. I get really nervous when people do dangerous stunts. But yes today was pretty great. I will forever remember Mohawk Man, Prepubescent Boy, Sleeveless Guitar Man, Guitar Man with Sleeves, and Drummer. I secretly took pictures at the end. And i had an EXCELLENT photo of Sleeveless Guitar Man, but.... i got too excited when i was taking his picture and the photo turned out blurry. Right after i took the picture, he bowed and left. I was sad. hahaha. But all the performances were really good. I especially liked the hula-hoop lady, and the performers w/ the ribbons. So nice. So yeah, i kept on watching the musicians. haw haw. The guitar players kept on looking into the audience and into the depths of my soul. hohoho. And then there was the good looking mohawk man. haha he had abs of steel. And prepubescent boy. During one act, there were 4 groups of dancers. Each of them was a boy girl pairing except for prepubescent boy, he had a butch man dance w/ him. I laughed. But yes it was pretty good, the 'Special Effects' were really really neat, even if fairly simple, they worked out really really well. If they came to Edmonton or my city again i would definiately go. Even though the tickets were really expensive, because i bought them so long ago it didn't really dawn on me. So yeah i'll say it was worth it. I bought a mask, it looks scary, but it was the prettiest one there. But yeah, i should probably stop writing on here and go do some homework. I have a lot to do, and midterms to study for....*sob sob*

Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds

Hello Corinna fans, how is everyone today. Welp gonna cut straight to it today, Heres my Journal entry from today's screening.

I was quite surprised today after watching Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds. It could be because I spent Monday working on the Shot Analysis project, but I found myself paying more attention to the types of shots and camera angles used in this film, than usual. Melanie Daniels' character was almost always shot in soft focus making her seem picture perfect, compared to the crisp shots of other characters. I also noticed the use of different camera angles at different points in the movie. For example, a Dutch Angle Shot was used on Lydia Brenner while she was in bed after seeing her friends mauled body. It added to the unease and confusion that Lydia must have been feeling at the time. Another camera angle I noticed was in the shot where Melanie was inside the telephone booth during the bird attack. The camera was at an unusually high angle showing the very top half of her body as she frantically moved around in the small area making the telephone booth seem that much smaller and confining. Another thing I notced about this movie was lack of sound/ suspense music. This was the first Alfred Hitchcock movie I had watched, and I know that hes supposed to be a master of suspense film, but honestly it completely left my mind that it was supposed to be a thriller. There were quite a few scenes were I though some building thriller music would have made the movie that much more suspenseful and stronger. For example the scene near the end of the film were Melanie (in the Brenner House) goes upstairs to check on a suspicious noise she hears and is about to open the door to the room. It could probably be just me, but I find music and sound play important roles, especial in suspense and horror movies. Someone once told me, that music and sound is what makes a horror movie scary, if you turn of the sound, the movie is no longer scary.
So yes, that is all for this entry. I just thought it was pretty interesting that I was starting to notice some of the technical elements of film, rather than just literal.

Happy Thanksgiving

Yo hoho, check out the awesome turkey cake that me and my brothers and Ling had. It was great. I've always wanted 2 have one of these. I made my brother drive all the way down to whyte ave to check and see if they had one. When he drove into the parking lot and passed by the entrace i had my face smushed to the car window trying 2 get a peek at their freezer. When i seen they had a turkey cake inside i actually screamed, "I SEE THE TURKEY CAKE!!!!" (and interupted my brother.) I actually ran across the parking lot to baskin robbins.... pretty sad eh? Hahaha. The cake cost 25bucks, and Felix, Terence, Ling and me ate it all in one sitting. now THATS sad. hahah. We went to Swiss Chalet for dinner, the chicken there was really good i thought. I never ordered ribs before but for some reason that combo platter was really enticing today. Delichit.
Ling also showed me some of her Lush products. I never really liked the store before because i felt awkward in it. But Ling let me dook around w/ one of her good smelling massage bars, and its been like 5 hours and i can still smell it. Its also delichit. I am tempted to go to Lush now and buy a bunch of products.
Sigh. I wish i was rich, married, and living in new york

the past 3 days....

....have been interesting.
But before i comment on the above, i just want to make a little note. My mom left for HK yesterday at 7 30 to visit my grandma who recently broke her pelvic bone. I really would have liked to go back to HK cuz i haven't went back in like 7 years (and seen my gramma in the equal amount of time) But so my mom went back for 2 months. I was kinda sad, but i'm not really sure why. Like she'll be back in December and stuff, but i was still pretty sad. I didn't tell anyone cuz I thought it was pretty stupid to be sad. So yeah, thats the sad stuff for this entry.
But, i've had an interest past 3 days. Of course in realitly when you read about it, it will undoubtedly sound like a regular 3 days to anyone in their sane mind. I had some interesting encounters w/ some good looking guys recently. On Thursday (Read oct.5ths entry) i bumped into the guy who had just finished ordered take out at kyoto in my apartment complex 5 mintues after me and him both left kyoto. On Friday i seen L's supah gangsta friend. Hes pretty too. He looks like he could be a skateboard clothing company model. But he told L a while back ago that one of our servers is really hot. And when he came up to pay that day L asked me who it could be, and the guy seemed a bit embarrased saying something like 'well dont go telling everyone now.' (L asked him who it was and he said he didn't know her name, and then she asked what color uniform she wore, and he said he didn't know and then he said *OH, i know she wears black pants!* I laughed really hard when i heard that) But so yeah, hes polite too, and thats nice. I noticed that whenever i'm around and L asks him about the hot server he doens't say much about 'her'. Soo.....maybe .....hehehe naw in my dreams. Todays encounter was just a really smal miniscule one. But i still made note cuz the guy was really pretty. After work when i was waiting to cross Jasper Ave, these 2 guys where walking down Jasper passed me. And i looked at one of them as they walked in front of me and out of habit i smiled at him. He looked at me and give me the prettiest guy smile i've seen in a long time. *siiiiigh* i'm so lonely. i told ling to make me a lifesized gingerbread man. Hahaha well....thats my 'past 3 days'. For a single girl who doesn't get hit on ever, thats pretty special. hahah such a nerd.

I would make an 'Excellent' stalker....

This is especially true, as i am good at being nosy w/o people knowing, and i'm also very very perseptive. (Perseptive enough to know that i have spelled perseptive wrong). But anyways, something out of the blue happened today. I seen a lot of goodlooking guys come in today. (Hahaha, yes, that is the only thing that i look forward to at work.) It was a wide variety of gentlemen today, some in their dashingly handsome suit and ties, and some in the rough sax-y casual clothes and stubble. (mmm stubble). But yes, anyways, so today after I printed out my report and started cashing out when these 2 guys came in to place take outs. And both of them were pretty good looking, but the 2nd guy, he was extra pretty. Not like. pretty-boy, pretty. He was, I-could-probably-beat-someone-up-if-I-had-to, pretty. But anyways, after i cashed out I walked over 2 save-ons to buy some milk. And i was like, 'Ooooh, maybe if i'm quick I can catch the guy leaving kyoto. (and do what? I dont know) Hohoho, so i went and bought milk, and while i was walking across the save on parking lot I seen him drive out to Jasper Ave, and i was like 'Noooo, if only i had been 30 seconds faster'. Hahah so then, i dejectedly crossed Jasper and walked back home. However, (this is something you only every hear on soap opera's or novels, but it really did happen) when i got home and buzzed myself in, i took a quick glimpse behind me cuz i saw someone approaching. And who do you think it is? But the good looking man himself. Hohoh, how extremely bizarre. So yeah... hows that for coincedence eh? Hahaha, but I'd guess that hes probably visiting his lady friend w/ sushi, since he came in from the main entrance. (see that stalker instinct? hahah) ....*sigh*

Another thing I want to mention is how i've really really bean craving to go to New York again lately. I've been day dreaming about going back to all those stores that i went to, and also going to the stores that i didn't get to go into. *siiigh* why am i so poor? I'll ask Jess and Ling and Iris, because if i do make plans to go it will be in summer 2008, after i graduate. That should give them enough time to save up a good chunk of moolah eh?

Oh cruel world. How i wish i were rich and married....

Tokyo Story

This post was supposed to have been made yesterday. But i forgot. So here is my entry for Yasujiro Ozu's Tokyo Story.
Since the unit for this screening was International Cinema, I'd like to start off my entry with a comment on subtitles versus dubbing. I know that every person has their own preference because both have their pros and cons. My brother tells me he prefers watching foreign movies with dubbing because subtitles are a distraction and while you take the time to read the subtitles, you could have missed something very important on screen. I found this especially true while watching Tokyo Story. I would look down to write notes and I realized I'd miss a good 15-20 seconds of the film. Normally when watching a English movie if I'd look down to write notes and I would at least be able to listen to the rest of the dialouge. But this was not the case in Tokyo Story since I couldn't understand the language. However, having said this, I would much rather prefer watching a foreign movie with subtitles rather than it being dubbed. I don't watch that many foreign movies, but I do watch a lot of Japanese animation, and I've noticed how in a lot of the American dubbed versions the emotions seem to be toned down drastically. If you watch a foreign movie with the original voices, the audience may not be able to understand, but they should be able to understand at least the emotion the actor(ess) is expressing just by listening to their tone of voice.
As for the actual movie, I felt it was okay. Not really great, but not hiddeous either. I think the length of the movie made it seem less enjoyable and a lot of the scenes seemed dragged out longer than they could have been. Character-wise, I really really really disliked, I believe her name was Shige. From everything she said, to her actions and re actions, to even her facial expressions. Koichi (the doctor/son) I didn't like either. The director was probably aiming for this, but I felt that both of them were so mean to their parents. When the Mother was sick and Koichi pulled the Father and Shige aside, he talked about his own mother like she was just a regular nameless patient. This is probably a given, but I felt really really sad thinking about how the parents were treated. Their son's and daughters felt that they were an inconvience in their life and constantly tried to get rid of them. Something I just thought of was Why the Father used to drink. It was said that in the past he drank constantly until Kyoko was born. I'm wondering if perhaps he used to drink because he was unhappy. The first time we see him drink is when he is out with his old friends. Shige says to him when the police officer brings them back to their house something like, 'Why have you started drinking again.' Perhaps its because Shige and Koichi have made him feel so unwelcome that he wants to forget that hes become a burden to his family. The second noticable time we see the Father drink is after his wife dies. I imagine that he's extremely upset and sad at this time and wants to drink a bit to ease the pain. Shige almost stops him immediatly saying 'It's not good to drink'. Another scene that sticks out in my mind is the one between Noriko and the Mother. Even though she is not blood related she treats the Parents with the most respect. Noriko gives the Mother money out of heart. Unlike the others she doesn't spend money to get them out of the way, she gives them money so they can spend it on something they will want. There were a lot of other things that I wanted to comment about but most of them are little bits about how careless Shige and Koichi were, but since I'm sure the audience got the jist of that feeling, I'll comment on one last other thing. I thought it was really important to know that Kyoko and Noriko didn't bring mourning clothes with them to Onimichi. As far as I know people usually don't like thinking that someone they care for will die. Even if it is inevitable, it seems cold and rude and it's almost like they'd be giving up hope. The fact that Kyoko and Noriko didn't bring mourning clothes shows that they didn't even consider the fact that their Mother would die.

Thoughts on anime

I'm writing this post a night after just finishing watching Fullmetal Alchemist Conqueror of Shambala. In the beginning when my brother first started watching the FMA series I'll have to say that i wasn't that interested it it. For some reason i thought that it was really childish and couldn't quite get that into the series. So i never watched every single episode and would only sit through a few every so often when my brother would put them in during dinner. On Sunday my brother put in the last and final DVD. I managed to catch the very last 10 mintues of the series finale. And i'll say that I didn't really like it. I always like series to end w/ good endings. You know, everyone is back together the sun is shining down and everyone is just plain happy. This ending I thought was really sad. It was really sad seeing that Edward and Alphonse could never be together and complete at the same time. And the fact that Al lost his memories of the past 4 years was pretty sad too. And THEN, the fact that Ed was still alive in an alternate dimension and unable to use alchemy I thought that was really REALLY depressing. But I saw the commercial for the FMA movie and i thought that there would be more resolution in the movie and it would have a happier ending. I watched it yesterday and I thought it was even more depressing. Ed spent 2 years in that alternate world and everyday he tried to get back to his real world. Knowing that for 2 years he couldn't use alchemy was pretty sad too. And then, he was finally able to get back to his world, only to see everyone he cared for and all his friends, just to leave them in like.... 30mintues. After the movie was over and i went to sleep. I woke up a few hours later and i couldn't fall back to sleep cuz i was thinking of the outcome. I felt really really bad for Winry because she was probably waiting for him to come back (for 2 years) and she seen him for like.... 10 mintues. And then he left again w/o saying good bye. I mean i know if he could have said goodbye he probably would have, but it was still pretty heart wrenching. Some of the scenes I also thought were really moving. Like the scene where Al first found his brother again after attatching part of his soul to that suit of armor. And when his soul started to detatch itself and how Ed got really sad because it meant he was going to be alone again, I think i actually got a lump in my throat. Overall there were a lot of things that people did in the movie that I dont know if i'd have the strength to do, if it were me. Like Ed making the choice to go back alone to the alternate world. I thought all night about if that were me, how would i feel after i went back and realized all that I had given up. All my friends, and (at the time) my only family, and all my powers. And never being able to go back to my real home world. It's really really depressing. Especially considered the fact that Ed never got to say goodbye to anyone, that really tore me up. Hhaha no i didn't cry but i did get pretty sad. I was hoping that the movie would have wrapped things up a lot happier. And i guess even thought Ed isn't alone anymore, its still pretty sad. I always get pretty sad when an anime/ manga is finally completed because its like the characters immediately die after that, since we no longer get to follow them on a journey. Sigh so sad.
I thought it was pretty interesting to note that I can get so caught up on anime movies/series too. Because you always hear a lot of critics say stuff like, anime is for kids/ its not deep enough. But personally i feel i can get equally (if not more) emotional watching/reading a good anime when compared to watching a regular non-anime movie. I'd also like to say that i take back my original original belief in that FMA was too childish and uninteresting, having watched the movie and realizing how sad it made me. I'm a nerd but...thanks.

Feelin' Horrible

Today was a really really grumpy day for me. I absolutely did not want to go to work today. And I shouldn't have either. I'm scheduled to work Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday evenings ( ~20hours/week). I complained to my boss several weeks ago that its to many shifts and that i need at least a full day off to read and do all my homework. I was expecting that he'd give me Sunday off. And that he did. In exchange I now work all-day on Saturday. So basically, nothing has changed, i still work ~20hours/week. And then, last week after the new schedule was put up, T (the hostess who i loathe w/ a passion because she is lazy and doesn't pick up her after her fucking self) asked me to switch shifts w/ her (a-fucking-gain). She told me that she was doing a fundraiser walk, and i was like, sure whatever. Assuming that the walk must have been mid-day or during her actual shift. So anyways. I went in to work today and went to look at the new schedule. And my boss finally hired a new hostess. BUT rather than taking ANY ONE of my shifts, my boss gave her TWO of T's shifts. I was so fucking pissed off because I had asked first, and i think that I honestly needed the break more. So that was right at 11AM when i started work. and at 11:10 T and who i assume to be her bf came in, and ate lunch having just finished their fundraiser walk. I was so pissed off. This has NOT been the first time where shes asked me to work for her because shes sick, or something comes up, and an hour later her and her whole family will come in and eat supper. I get so fucking pissed off when i see her. And then she fucking said. *OH did you see the new schedule? Henry hired a new hostess, now i have less shifts!!* I walked away right when she said that cuz honestly if i didn't i think i wouldve punched her in the face. I was pissed off for the rest of the day. And i didn't say anything to anyone (minus normal customer banter) for a good 5 hours. So moody. I almost cried, i almost walked off, i almost wanted to beat someone up. So fucking unfair. I'd like to think that i'm a good hostess. I'm fast, I've never missed a shift before, I help everybody, I do stuff that people ask me to do, and I do stuff that people dont ask me to do but appreciate it. Today I felt like i was just being taken advantage of because i'm such a push-over. Fuck, T ALWAYS calls in like 10 minutes before her shift and asks me to work for her, and usually i do because i need money, and then she'll come in and eat w/ her family all happy and frollic-y while i'm fucking tired and gumpy from working 11 hours straight w/ no warning. She always leaves her garbage around the hostess stand (and INSIDE the fucking drawers) and i have to clean it up. She never finishes the floor plan at the end of the shift and i finish it for her. Fuck, like last week when i came in at 5 to work (and she was working lunch) almost all the tables were still dirty and she was just sitting there. So I started cleaning up the tables because there were a lot of reservations coming in. She finally started helping after i picked up majority of them. And then I went to clean the table cloths, and one of the kitchen prep workers asked me to change the toilet AND hand paper. i was like *fuck how do both of them run out right when i start? They DONT, thats how* so i was like. "Ask T to change it, i'm busy." and the kitchen prep worker said, "T told me to tell you to change it." Fuck sakes. (I'm really angry now if you cannot tell by my swearing frenzy) What the hell was SHE doing that made her so busy. (she was cashing out btw). So i told my boss today when i seen him. "I'm not working all day on Saturday. You hired a new hostess, why dont you give her a shift." i forget what he said. but i thought 2 myself if he told me to work it i'd tell him right there that i quit. I was that pissed off. And then after work while i was tired and angry and sore, i cried and i walked home.