its hard to admit

i made a recent discovery. Last year when i was constantly stressed out and depressed i cried *a lot* .... Today, after ....what....like 8 months, i cried. For the entire time that i was in the shower. I was so upset because since i only cry when i'm stressed it pretty much means i'm stressed out. and if it persists i'm get depressed again. I feel like i'm failing behind in school work right now in EVERYTHING. Theres so many people out here at our place right now its getting really hard to do anything. Everywhere i go theres clothes and suitcases everywhere. and i cant seem to do any work anywhere. Usually i'll do my art work on the living room floor in front of the tv and then i'll work on it, take a break, work on it, etc. But because my dad and grandparents are out here i have to pick everything up and put it away right away. And i can't even leave the smallest thing out like a cup or something. My brother got mad at me because i told him i was really behind and named all the hw that i still had remaining. He asked me 'what the hell i've been doing all this time'. and i honestly raised my voice a bit and told him 'I can't get ANYTHING done around here.* I'm most productive at night. I usually do my work on the kitchen table, but i can't now because dad is sleeping in the living room. I do my acctg hw in my room at night but i can't now because my gramma is sleeping in there. And felix's room is definitly out of the question because he sleeps in there. So at night i have nothing left 2 do but go to sleep. But, of course, i can't because A) i'm not tired, and B) i know i have so much hw to do. So i toss and turn for like 3-4 hours and that results in me waking up tired and sleeping in the afternoons. So not only am i falling behind in school but i'm also losing sleep. And what makes it even worse is that my grandpa is in the hospital still. and, i mean hes doing better but the nurses gve him a bunch of pain killers and hes all woosy and out of it, and my gramma worries about him. Today was kinda the first day i went 2 go see him and i was expecting 2 stay there an hour, and then i could come home and fiish my clocks. but they ended up staying at the hospital for almost 3 hours. and i started 2 get really frustrated because i wnted 2 go home. but then i started 2 get angry at myself for being selfish. Here was my grandpa in a hospital bed and my gramma worried 2 death over him and all i wanted 2 do was go home and finish my homework. And now i'm extremely stressed out because i know i'm falling behind, and im extremely confused at to what i should give first priorities to. I feel so bad because I DONT LIKE BEING DEPRESSED. it sucks and i know because i've had mild cases before and managed to get better and be able 2 look back and know how much it sucks. And now i feel like i'm falling back in again and as much as i dont want to i can't seem to help it. I tried really hard not to cry today because i knew that if i did it would be like i was saying that i was starting that road again. And it felt so bad in the shower because in the past when i cried i always thought about all the things that were making me cry and then i'd cry harder. and that is exactly what happened today.....so it's pretty much a given fact right now that i'm stressed out. I haven't figured out if i'm depressed yet (i'm saying it like im happy, but trust me i'm not) I dont know how i'm going to finish the rest of 2005 if everything keeps going on like this. I just dont want go back to being sad and always crying again because like i've figured out. i hate it.