Growing Up.

This quote I found the other day is kind of having an effect on me. I've been at home for the last 1.5 months finishing up renos and cleaning up the condo so I've had a lot of time on my hands (kinda). I've been posting a lot on FB. An unusual amount. And I think it has to do with PBC. As stated before I wanted him to see not the me that he saw those 2 times we met. And, I also wanted people to see me as well and the things that I do and am capable of. So I started posting a lot of photos of things that I was proud of, things that I did and accomplished. I was hunting for "likes" and thumbs up.
And then I found this quote.
And I thought. I wouldn't impress anyone. The photos I've been posting are so empty and materialistic
And why should I worry who I am impressing. As long as I know, right? So..... I should take a FB hiatus. Haha. Again (eyeball roll). I probably won't deactivate, but I'll just keep my posts and photos on the DL. Yesterday and Today was like withdrawl. It's kinda funny actually..... and maybe sad. Everything I did or talked about today, my brain was thinking 'how can I make this a FB story. how can I visualize this on Instagram.' I had so many photos on my phone with captions in my brain. Which one will make PBC notice me?!!! Oh my gosh, I sound so pathetic ! Ha-ha. But yeah, just a little cap on this over-activity. Gonna go back to the studio this week and not be lazy, maybe try to lose a bit more weight (2nd goal this year to get under 120lbs !) and just get back to being normal. I mean, I'm feeling pretty normal now, but back to my quiet, less annoying-normal
I think I'm gonna start putting posts and photos on here instead. You guys won't judge me right :)

So, here's a photo I took of my new living room. I'm sure it doesn't mean anything to you guys, but I'm so happy when I see this. Carpet is out, no more torn up broken, crooked furniture, no more boxes of things that don't belong to me, no more messy kitchen. Nothing but happiness in here. Reno's are all done, and I'm really happy. I haven't slumped too much, and I think the depression will be gone for a while and I'm really glad. I really do feel happy about 90% of the time now. And I feel like tackling so many goals right now, especially now that I know I can handle things again. I feel really strong ~

The only thing that bums me out a little bit is that nothing ever happened between PBC and I. But really, when I think like a smart person would, it totally wouldn'tve worked out. He's so young and extroverted. I really don't think I could handle him. Ha-ha, I mean I would love to have tried and honestly when I think about it, I know a lot more about the world he lives in than he probably thought. But, really, if I haven't been living that life yet, I probably never will. Just, everything that he does is what I've always wanted.....Yeaaaah, I'm pathetic I know. But, I'm good. Heart doesn't really hurt anymore so I'm gold. Recently a bunch of my friends have been getting pregnant or going on dates and messaging me left and right about how nice it is, and I'm just like 'I'm so happy I don't have to worry about snoring, liars and getting choked in my sleep anymore'. I think I'm good with being single for the next little while.  I don't even remember what I wished for on my birthday but I think know I'll have a good year this year.
Maybe I'll meet someone. I hope he's tall.