Myself again....

"You wonder why I don't talk to you anymore and please believe me when I say it's not that I don't want to, it's just that everything I want to say I can't tell you anymore"

This blog-diary is turning into one of those ones where I post a quote of the day. Cept its not inpirational. Ha-ha.

There are many reasons why I didn't want to reply back to Dave. And that quote above is one of them. I can't treat you like just a friend after all I've been and done with you. It was very silly of you to ask me to try. And so soon after crushing my heart too.
Anyways. I'm doing a lot better. Almost a week ago I told Dave I wished I never met him.That my heart missed him so much, and I wished it didn't. Ironically, I woke up the next day and my heart didn't hurt anymore :) And I felt better. I know it was a very mean thing for me to say, but I don't regret saying it. And the best thing for you to have done is give me space. (Which, btw, is what you should've done in the first place). I just hope it lasts. 5 days later and I'm still feeling relieved, but I'm getting an urge to send him a text again :( I just want to know what he thinks. I wonder if he feels bad, and knows how much I hurt. Or if he feels relieved that I'm out of his life. Anyways. This shouldn't matter, because Dave isn't a part of my life anymore. A part of me still wants him to be, but that part isn't so big anymore. Instead of missing him, I'm able to focus on all the things he never did for me, and all the things he was never there for. I'm happy glad that I've started to take off those stupid rose colored glasses again. But its always sad thinking that I've wasted my time. I know, I need to think of it as a lesson learned. But apart of that spiteful me says 'But David never learned anything'. And that is a big reason why I'm so down around him too I think. I want him to feel bad, and I don't want to let him off the hook so easily...... I'm such a jerk ! Hahaha, but maybe thats what you get for breaking the kindest girl you will ever meet's heart. Anyways, it's a big unknown what will happen next. And I need to remember I'm not a fortune teller or mind reader. Maybe I'll never talk to Dave again, and that could be a good thing. But, I do hope something works out... that I can find it in my heart to forgive him, and he will message me and I can tell him I'm okay now.
Yes. I think that would be nice.