Basic Solutions

If only I could follow them....

Sometimes on a slow day at work (like today) I will google things like this. Ironically, it makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one suffering with a broken heart and sometimes. Just sometimes. There is a piece of advice that stands out to me. Kinda like this bit.

just remember that in order for someone to be right for you, feelings have to be mutual . if he doesn't feel a connection, then maybe you need to analyze whether your feelings are real. when you can't have someone, you want them so much more.

I kept saying Dave gave up too easily, and never tried hard enough, and he just needed to sit back and think about things and times that we were happy. And that is my wishful thinking. Me wanting to push my feelings into him..... Its very hard for me to understand how someone can fall out of love. (Especially with me!) I put a lot of effort into this relationship, and I suppose I'm bitter because I didn't get anything in return. I do just wish he had been more honest with me. Even the last part of the quote is quite funny to me. That is what I originally planned to do to Dave. I would make him miss me. I guess you all know from the last gajillion posts how that turned out. Anyways. I keep on, keep on, keep on writing in here to get these feelings out. I thought Dave was right for me, and its very, very, very hard for me to understand that Dave didn't feel I was right for him. I've never had that feeling before.... or maybe I did but just ignored it. When we were still dating, sometimes I would think, Dave doesn't really understand me. But then I would say, Thats just me being picky ! Warning signs, that I ignored. *sigh* There were even warning signs I said to myself before I started dated Dave. If only I had listened. They were all right. Dave never took me seriously before we dated, and he never took me seriously while we dated. He only started to listen (a bit) after we broke up. But that is too painful for me. To have him casually drop in and drop out of my life. It's too unexpected and painful. It triggers those happy highs when I see him, and then several hours later it brings those gut-wrenching lows.

I know. I know. I know. I need to stop seeing him and talking to him. Maybe I'm just building up courage ! My god. It hasn't even been 5 months.... It feels like its been an eternity....... But, it would be lying if I said I haven't gotten anywhere. I haven't seen a picture of him in so long I've forgotten what he looks like. I've managed to go out a few times (albeit it wasn't a happy drunken, few times). And I've summed up the courage to tell him I missed him (and have yet to regret it). It feels okay to get it off my chest, and maybe him not replying is the best thing that could happen :) Him not relplying tells me he can't return my feelings. So theres nothing up in the air anymore, and I should definately stop wondering if he misses me. And that also means no more imaginary conversations with you either.

Maybe  my heart really can say goodbye this time.....