"The thing that made me the happiest today is seeing a message from you. My heart misses you very very much and every night before I go to bed and when I wake up in the morning I wish very very hard that it didn't and sometimes that I never met you"
What I sent to Dave when he wished me a Merry Christmas. He never replied back, which I wasn't really expecting him to, but was of course secretly hoping he would. Of course I was hoping for a fairy tale ending where he would say he missed me too. But, my brain knew, if I thought with a level head, that he was only being nice to me because he saw me as a regular friend. I miss him a lot, and I'll probably cry the next few nights/weeks, but its over and done with. I told him I missed him, and theres nothing else really left to do (especially considering I said I wouldn't do anymore chasing) It appears that nothing will ever get better and you will always be your cowardly, selfish self. I know what I said wasn't exactly the nicest thing, and what would he even say to me after that. But......I just wanted to let him know. That I missed him.
I wish I could be stronger and just forgive and forget all the heartbreak. But I don't think I can. Maybe I'm selfish too. I just want you to suffer and feel bad for what you put me through, and I want you to feel bad for what you did. It wasn't very nice, and I've said over and over again, that it was outright selfish of you to put me through what you did the last 2 months. I don't think I will ever be able to forgive you, and if I can't forgive you, then its probably not a good idea for us to be friends anymore. We never started out with being just friends, so it was very silly and selfish of you to ask me to go back to being something we never knew how to be in the first place.
I wish this was goodbye, but I have a feeling I will probably have a weak spell and message you again.
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