Should I just be Frank?

Or Henry, or George, or Johnny....

My most recent attempt at humor......*weak smile*
The drama of a girl with a indecisive heart. First I don't like him, then I like him, then I'm not sure, then I like him a lot, then I hate him, then I miss him, then I hate him, then I miss him so much I think I might love him. I'm sure the last one is just me being dramatic. If I wanted to I could go and Google How do you know if you love someone, and see if that fits. But, at this point in time, I think that is the very last thing I should be doing. I'm sure its just my heart playing tricks on me, and my attachement to Dave that's making me feel this way. I did think at one point in time that we could get married. So, I guess it would be only natural to feel more attached to him than anyone else I've ever dated. I thought life with him was interesting and I felt cared for. When I look at the good side anyways. I always forget to look at the things I ignored because I was so blinded by happiness. I feel like I could be that person who refuses to give up, and keeps trying and trying and refusing to let go because I believe.
And then I think, no this is just the disorder talking, making me me unable to see both sides. Unable to let go and move on. Unable to adjust to the loss. Making me think of only the things that made me happy, becuase that's all that mattered. And making me forget about all the times he made me sad, and gave up so easily. Making me put all his good qualities before his equally as many bad qualities.
I tried to erase you from my picture, just like I originally had sketched you in. I wanted to get you out and as far away from me as possible, so I could be the me that was happy before I met you. I want to forget you. But then, it gets hard again when something trips. An old memory, friends mentioning your name or your friends. It makes me think of every possible situation and outcome. Why I wasn't asked, who's been talking, what if they said that, or thought this. Maybe she said something, maybe she heard something. So many possibilites, and I can't think that maybe none of them happened. Maybe nobody cares, and it all just boils down to a simiple thing. Everyone just wants to have fun with their friends.
I know I need to stop over-thinking things. That maybe thats one of the many reasons why this relationship failed. I wonder if Dave's friends think about me, or think that Dave made the wrong choice. I wonder, and I shouldn't because its trivial, and it shouldn't matter. I shoud be thinking about how to get better and become stronger. Not wondering and worrying about what people that shouldn't matter to me are thinking. If they really were saying horrible things about you, then I don't need them as friends, right?
Anyways, back on topic. My question is really asking myself if I should just honestly tell Dave that I miss him. He always asked me how I was doing, and I would always give an open ended answer. And now I think I should just flat out tell him. I miss you. I don't want to, and I try not to but I do. But I think the first thing I need to do is forgive you. On random days I still get mad at you and start crying and calling you poo-head. I do it to convince myself to stop crying over you because your not worth it. But deep down, I think I still miss you. You weren't a great boyfriend, and maybe this is the disorder talking, but I feel like I miss you. And maybe I should let you know? A while ago I asked you if it made you uncomfortable when I said I missed you. Without hesitating you said 'No'. No because it was only natural. I only told you once that I missed you, and that was a few days right after we broke up. Then I never said it again because I didn't want to seem like the weak one. But not saying it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. So thats why I think, that the next time you ask me how I'm doing. I will tell you. Because you shouldn't ask a question you're not prepared to hear the answer for.
I hope I'll be okay.