I miss you :(

I'm such a high school girl.
I can't remember what you look like anymore but I still miss you. The thing that would make me the happiest is being able to wake up and lie in bed next to you. Just for a little bit. I'm so silly for still missing you. For not being able to move on and move past you yet. For being scared when other guys show interest in me. I want to see you, and I want to hear you say that you miss me too. I'm so silly. You'll ask me how I'm doing, but I'm too scared to answer you back. To scared because I know I over think things, and I automatically assume that you messaging me, means you miss me. Because what I do when I miss you. I keep hoping I will have a fairytale ending and you will look for me. And that I can't completely convince myself that its over. That we are over. I don't think about how you gave up on me. How you ignored me, instead of told me what was on your mind. How I fought for us, but you didn't even try. How you just kept me around as someone to have sex with. I say this to myself everytime I start to miss you and I feel like crying. And it works for a bit, but a tiny while later my heart will ache again. I read so many articles on how to deal with a broken heart, and I see how others feel and go through exactly what I'm going through, and I just wish I could be Black or White. Not inbetween. Not hating you and wanting you at the same time. I want you in my life so much, or not at all. Not even a friend. I haven't talked or seen Dave since my last post. 26 days. It seemed so long, but it wasn't really. Day 7. Day 12. Day 20. I felt stronger and stronger every day. And then slowly I started to think about you and miss you all over again. Wondering if you were happy. Wondering if you thought about me. But I didn't want to ask you, because I didn't want to hear the answer. I want to move away from here. Far away from everything and everyone and every place that reminds me of you. Away from my friends and family to be a strong person again. I miss you very much. And I wish I didn't. I'm not perfect, and neither are you. I accepted you for who you were, and I tried to help you work on your faults, but I never got mad if you failed or got distracted. I wanted you to do the same for me. To be my equal and help me stand when I needed help. I didn't want you to pity me, I wanted you to understand me. I told you all my weaknesses and fears so that you could be there for me when I felt scared. But you didn't do that for me. Even though I supported everything you did. You never did the same for me. All I wanted was for you to be honest with me, even if it hurt. It wouldve made me feel better because it meant you saw us together in the future.
I miss you. And I wish I didnt.