So, I guess sometimes I am a decently logical person....
Everything I've been reading these last few weeks about how to better myself, how to get over a break-up, I've actually already been doing! It definately makes me feel better knowing that I've been on the right path. Sometimes I'm such a nerd, needing to get acknowledgement from a textbook before knowing its the right thing to do. It is somewhat funny too (and sad) that I googled "How to get over a break-up" and so many hits came up. What doesn't the internet have a solution for?!
But yah, anyways, I've been reading that book on Worry Dave gave me and theres a lot of things I already did to block out stress and worry. For example, whenever I would start to doubt what I did, or think about something unhappy that already happened, I would say "STOP" and immediately think of something else. Because I started to realize it was no use thinking about something that already happened and that I couldn't change. (I even recall trying to tell Dave that sometimes too, but it didn't seem to work! How funny :) What I do need to work on though, is having that same gung-ho about the future. Don't worry so much about it, and try and work on Just Today. That and Dave actually did try some of the techniques on me too, I remember. When I had that mad spell from not getting the receptionist job at KW he asked me "What is the worst that can happen". And that is directly from the book. I gave him an answer that he didn't expect though. Ha-ha, I'm such a pessimist :( Anyways, I hope I can learn a lot from that book, and even just the first 50 pages kinda gave me a kick start. So its just nothing but sunshine from here right?
I do find it funny the process I'm going through to get through this break up. I kinda went through all my old posts about post break-up with Michael, and I'm trying to skip that whole year of being sad, and just skipping straight to the steps I did after I had gotten over him. For example, I'm definately not over Dave yet, but I re-registered fro PoF immediately. I'm not ready to start looking again, but I'm making all the attempts just so I can feel better. It's hard trying to convince your heart about something you're mind knows is best for you. And maybe one of the reasons ol' heartsy isn't believing is because Michael regretted breaking up with me 1 year later. And I keep on thinking that is what will happen to Dave. So I guess maybe thats why I'm not willing to bash him yet, and start ignoring him like I did Michael. Because I know once I cross that bridge there's probably no going back. (Although I guess that is what Mariam did about Nizar and everything worked out for them.....) So, I guess having said that...... here is the post where I cross the bridge, and make the list of things I didn't like about Dave, and things I did good. I'm doing this because its what I did after I got over Michael, and I'm doing this so I can move on, and have something to look at if I feel the urge to talk to Dave again.
So here goes.....Dave was alway nice to me and there for me physically...
But he was never there for me emotionally, and I guess we didn't connect on that level.
When I first met him, I didn't want to date Dave, because he never took my problems seriously.
And he never did take my emotional problems seriously, and just said things that would fix them at the time, but would never bring it up again.
He procrastinated a lot. And said things that he never ended up doing.
He was pretty messy and lazy.
He chose his job(s) over me.
He wasn't in a good financial situation, but never did anything about it.
He was overweight, and said he would work on it, but I never saw serious effort.
Even Big Dave complained he was a bad roomate, and he said he wouldn't want to live with Dave again.
Dave never really tried to fix our relationship. He just gave up. Yup. I can tell because he stopped trying to have conversations with me and just gave 1-2 word answers near the end.
He never did listen to my advice (until now), which I don't even think he realizes is because of me.
He bought me a Bullet Blender for Valentines Day.
His friends were pretty cool......if they considered you their friend.
They cut me out and ignore me because I am no longer seeing Dave anymore and therefore not their friend.
But they think its still okay to invite my friends out and not me, although the opposite would have completely pissed Dave off.
Dave held me back too.
Dave never really did thoughtful things for me, but I did so many for him.
He never really knew me.
He started smoking in front of me.
We started to look like a ragged couple the last time we went to an event as a couple (Yzabella's B-day).
He may have kept me around just for sex the last 2 months.
He had bad dental hygiene, and huge pores, and weird skin blotches.
I never liked the cologne he used.
He snoring was HORRIBLE!
Dave only came out to some of the things that were important too me. Like Dimsum and dinners, friends parties, etc etc.
He was too busy working
I put off a lot of things for him.
He never used his C-pap machine when it was hazardous to his health not to.
He, himself never took Amway seriously, and always calls the meetings "an Amway Thing"
He had a bad memory, and wouldn't remember advice he gave himself.
In the year we dated, I changed and grew, but it seems like he is still in the same spot.
When I first met him, he said he was going to quit Telus soon, but its been 1+ year and he is still there.
He never actually owned his own stuff, and would constantly borrow from people.
He never speaks up about things that bother him and just lets it eat away.
People take advantage of him easily (even me)
We never did said 'I love you', which probably meant we knew all the time we weren't right for each other.
Like most guys, he was probably scared of commitment.
He's 32 has nothing saved up, and chose to go it alone.
I'm also supposed to write a list of 10 things I did good..... but Im going to gloat becuase I need to realize I was awesome.
I was very good to Dave.
I may have been boring, but I never brought any drama, and tried to be mindful of Dave's wishes...
I brought him countless homemade lunches.
I would visit him and bring him surprises at work and home.
I planned romantic,relaxing dinners.
I taught Lika to dance.
I took care of him post-knee surgery and visited almost every day.
I thought (too much) of things he would like, and would want to do or try.
I never said no when he wanted to have sex (I wanted it too though :)
His friends honestly thought I was neat (and thought we would get married !)
I was always worried about embarrassing Dave (pro and a con)
I went to all his shows and supported everything he did.
Anytime he asked me to go somewhere or do something (minus Vegas) I never said no and always went.
I gave him advice which he admitted was helpful, although he never could keep doing it.
I asked if he wanted to move in with me mostly because I wanted to help him financially, not all because I wanted him to commit.
I paid close attention to the words he used, and could actually read him very well. (ie. I knew he wasn't serious about trying to work things out, because of the way he answered me).
And here are some lessons this relationship taught me
There were a lot of things I wanted to do (for myself), but I only wanted to do them with Dave, and since Dave was so busy I never did do those things.
I put aside a lot of my friends and forgot about them because of how infatuated I was with Dave.
I need to be careful in future relationships and balance boyfriend and friends equally.
Becareful of becoming so close, that all I start doing is complain whenever I'm around them.
Dave was attracted to me in the beginning because I was confident.
I lost confidence somewhere down the road because I started doubting my abilities to keep Dave happy. And thats when Dave stopped seeming me as beautiful.
So stay confident always and you will be beautiful all the time.
And finally, I'm not trying to sound conceited but I need to realise. I am a good girlfriend.
Either Dave will never realize I was good for him, or he will realize and it'll be too late
So let go.
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