so, yesterday I kind of had a....a....i dont even know what i had. an episode of depression? mini breakdown? I feel a bit better now but I dunno if I over reacted or whatnot but just a bunch of unexpected things happened to me as the week progressed and the last one kinda shook me up. I dont even know what happened first. I guess... maybe the first thing that upset me was when I was at KW and M told me that I should never have to call a guy, and if a guy was interested in me he would be the one to make the first move. And like, I could totally see her pov, but I kept on defending my reason saying, *oh but this* and *oh but he also* And like, I could hear the words coming out of my mouth and I knew how infatuated I mustve sounded. But I was really sad because the more people I asked, the more they told me that *it sounds like the guy's not interested, your the one always initiating conversations, and he doesn't talk to you unless you talk to him first* And so that brought me down a little bit. I was like, why do all the guys I'm interested in don't care so much about me, and vice versa. The only other guy I replied back to on pof msgs me randomly all the time, but I'm just not drawn to him at all. Its ridiculous how often I fall in this situation. Whats even more awkward is that both pof guys know each other. Like 'good friends' know each other. So anyways. I was a bit upset over that but I was still like *I DONT CARE! I'm going to ask him out for coffee next week!!!* Few days later my classmate messages me about renting out a studio with her. And I was like *FUCK YEAH* I need a studio space SO bad. Whenever I get home I just get so lazy and I look at that pitiful *drafting area* that I have and then I go and climb in bed. So anyways I was really excited to get an actual studio space to be creative. And then, obviously because I'm an idiot, I started worrying again about doing this for the rest of my life. What if I just end up getting bored with it like every hobby I've taken up. What if my designs dont sell. What if I'm wasting my money again. What if I spend the rest of my life working as a waitress or at KW. So much doubt in my mind, and not enough confidence in myself. And THEN the big kicker of the week.........was when Michael asked me to get back together.....yup..... after year and 2 months of hoping and hoping and hoping that we would get back together. The week after I finally decide to move on and find someone else, he asks me to get back together. It took me so so SO long to get the courage and settle my emotions down enough to move on. And then this fucking happens. I would've been SO happy if he asked me 2 weeks ago before I developed this new crush. But no. Of course the SECOND I like someone else, he decides that he wants to get back. And of course, I dont have feelings for him anymore because I like this new guy who, of course, does not appear to have feelings for me. Its obvious that someone enjoys fucking with my life. I just....all I can think about now when I think about Michael is him walking away from me and breaking my heart. Ugh. I feel like I'm over reacting this time because I'm not even confused. I dont know why I'm so so sad, because I know what my answer will be, but I still just feel so down. Am I making the right choice again? I dont want to go back to Michael 'just because' its convenient. you know what I'm sayin?