A Silent Voice

 When I was still talking to PBC last week he mentioned an anime called A Silent Voice.  Rather, he sent me a Cinema Therapy clip where they reviewed the movie.  I really like that channel and it piqued my interest to watch the movie, so I did.

I definitely don't think PBC sent this to me for that reason, but I see that movie as being about us.  PBC was Ishida and I'm either Nishimiya or the best friend that tries to be his best friend after barely knowing him.  Curtis was not a good person when I first met him almost 10 years ago.  But I still liked him and I wanted to be friends.  I just moved on with my life though trying to be a better and stronger person.  Whether or not I succeeded in that is a different story, but we crossed paths again almost a decade later.  He reached out to me and apologized for being a bad person and said that he was trying to atone for some of the bad things that he did.  That I was one of the people that popped into his head from time to time as a regret.

I smiled like Nishimiya did and said its okay.  It didn't hurt.

I think it did though.  I just forgot.

I can't say it was all PBC who turned me into a self loathing person, of course.  That's all me.  But that movie did hit home a little.  The X's on the faces is something I didn't know why it resonated with me, until I watched the Cinema Therapy breakdown.  It's cause he wasn't looking people in the eye and recognizing faces.  Which is what I remember not being able to do.  Back in my blog post years ago when I first met PBC.  I literally said "I couldn't look him in the eye".... and I know I did that with more than just him.

I felt like him and I are Ishida and Nishimiya.  Just like how I always smile and try to think of the positive side of things.  Even though I'm likely hurting a lot inside.

Obviously he doesn't know this.  I think he thinks he is Ishida and that's it.