Has anyone else ever wished there was an instruction manual to life? That at the hardest, toughest times in life you could take a peek and it would tell you what to do to get back on track?
That or wish they were a mind reader. I'm so broken right now! I feel tired all the time, when I wake up, and I don't want to do anything after work. 5-10pm is so short, but so long at the same time. I wish I could just lie in bed and sleep and not have to think and wonder constantly. I wonder what Dave is thinking, what he's doing and if he regrets his decision. I want to tell him I miss him, and I want to ask if he misses me. But I don't want to hear the answer because if its not what I want to hear I think I will break even more. So many times I've said to myself I need to get him out of my life completely, and I'm so stubborn. I don't want him to leave, but I think I know as long as he's here and keeps messaging me, my heart will never let him go. Everything reminds me of him. I think everything I see and hear relates to him and I. And I think I just need to forget he ever existed. It makes me so temporarily happy when he messages me. So happy that I'm scared to message him back, because I don't want to feel that pain of when he doesn't message me back. It hurts so very much. That the one person who is capable of making me feel okay, is the same person that can shatter me to pieces. I want to find my energy and happiness, and myself again, I want to but its so odd. It feels like I'm being pulled down by an invisible net that I want to get up, but I just can't. Like I can't open my eyes fully or think of things to say. That everything is just blank.
No comments:
Post a Comment