i hurt.....

.... i just dont get it.... when i really want to see him, i dont. And then, the one time i dont want to see him, i do. its frustrating....I'm just REALLY trying 2 get past him right now. And, i was actually doing pretty well. T called me up to tell me waht time the party started. And then she said *oh btw so-and-so is coming*..... and i paused n said something in an unexcited voice. I just.... its one of those times when, your not angry at someone...but you dont want to see them, because seeing them makes you feel sad. And.... and he doesn't even know it. Yeah, i dont think it was that bad though.... kinda like before we knew each other when he'd sit over there, and i'd sit over here. And not talk. Just what i wanted right? But, it still felt sad when he left though. Frig i dont even know why. And THEN there was the whole deal with the event tonight too. I was pretty excited about getting 2 go to a semi-formal event. I haven't been to one in a long time. Me and Iris and Cathy used to go do stuff like that once a month. Watch ballet, go out 2 eat at pretty restaraunts.... I missed that. So yeah i was pretty happy 2 go do that again tonight. But like.... i dunno, it was pretty good at first, being dressed up, but like... the settings weren't the same. And..... i just miss cathy and iris. Cuz we'd sit around and talk and gossip. But here everyone would get up and wander and talk w/ their other friends. And then, after the auctions were all over D was like *hey you guys hungry? wanna go out and grab a bite 2 eat?* and i was up for that cuz i didn't eat supper yet, and thats what iris and cathy would used 2 do after an event too. We'd go over 2 Joey's and eat, and then cathy would go home and me and iris would walk 2 my place where she would probably sleep over. Plus i love food. and being dressed up and going out 2 eat. But after the auction was over everyone went 2 this tiny dance floor 2 dance. And... and i was in that lethargic mood again. And i felt stupid sitting at the table while everyone was dancing, so i went 2 the dance floor. And then i felt even stupider cuz i didn't want 2 dance so i just stood in the corner. I'm such an idiot. So i just ended up giving iris a call. And talking 2 her till everyone decided 2 leave.... oh and yeah, they decided they didn't want to eat, but instead chose 2 go 2 a club. How awesome. Dave gave me a ride home, but i kinda wanted 2 walk, he kept on asking me, and i just gave in cuz i felt bad. I miss my friends because we always want 2 do the same stuff, and we jsut sit and talk about random stuff. I always have a good time and i never leave feeling upset or sad. You guys have no idea....