an arm and a leg...

...is what i'd give for this kakashi plushie. Its selling on ebay for like 45USD. So ladies and gents, xmas passed already. I hate to say it, but christmas is getting more and more depressing each year.... present-wise that is. Hahaha. how sad, i'm all about the presents baby. I opened my first 2 presents and they consisted of a perfume (which i still believe is a man's cologne), and a baby blue nike sweater (if you've seen what i wear you'll know i dont wear baby blue). Haha i asked my mom if she wanted either. And after those 2 presents I was already 3/4 done. le sigh. Hahah my parents got me a chinese translator machine thing. Supposed 2 be pretty high tech, but i haven't figured out how to use it yet. My brothers got me a nintendo DS. which i told them was my favorite present of the. yahoo. Hahah i've been playing mario 64 nonstop for the past 2 days and I've got 40 stars already. I remember when i was like 10 and playing the original mario 64 it took me 2 months to get 40 stars. Hahah so sad. Any ways i should probably go to sleep. Or actually i plan on sitting in bed and playing mario till the battery dies. Mwa ha ha.

never again.

even though there was over 100 people at kyoto's staff party today, i have never felt so alone in my entire life. It was so awkward, and i just sat by the hostess stand eating dinner. I had like 1/4 of what i couldve eaten because i was depressed. I almost cried when my servers asked me where my brothers were. I'm positive that i was the only one who was there by themselves. Its absolutely impossible that one couldn't have found at least one friend to bring with them, UNLESS you are corinna. My brothers decided they had better things to do than give face and come w/ me to my staff party. they decided that they would much rather clean the toilet than come w/ me. pretty disgusting that they were my last hope eh? I dont think anyone has any clue as to how much this meant to me. In elementary, and high school and university i didn't have that many friends. and the ones that i had i loved being with. I love all my friends and family and i'm happy when everyone is happy and together. I love spending time w/ them and i dont really like being alone. So imagine if you will how it would feel to have your closest friends move away. Yeah so i thought i got over it, and i figured it wasn't so bad. But today it was really hard. It just made me realize how little friends i have when i couldn't find anyone to go with. And when my brothers didn't want to go and instead stayed at home doing something they could do any other day, imagine how i felt. It was that horrible feeling all over again of being alone. Thats all i could think of even though i was surrounded my so many people. so naturally i cried. i cried to work, i cried from work. i cried after work in the tub. pretty sad because i went to soak in the tub and when i lay down i cut myself on a mother fucking piece of glass IN THE TUB. but in reality it wasn't that bad cuz i was already bleeding anyways from my own self inflicted injuries. it worries me though cuz last time i did this i dont remember their being any blood, and this time (it couldve just been cuz i was in the tub and wet) it actually started dripping a little. so yeah it appears my life is actually getting worse, and not better as i previously though. little bit worried what might happen if there is a next time. this is so sad. it just fucking SUCKS that i dont have anymore close friends out here. I seriously couldve used one tonight. i wouldve loved to have someone to TALK TO during dinner tonight, and if not that i would've loved to have a friend's place to go to after the party. I didnt want to come home to this stupid apartment where my brothers are completely fucking oblivious to how much pain i'm in. i serioiusly dont understand sometimes how i'm even related to them. fuck i shoulve just rented a hotel like i originally thought and stayed there for the night. I coulda fucking cut myself as much as i wanted there and at least i wouldn't feel bad about no one worrying because i'm actually fucking alone.

hey

so yeah, my pretty good day today just turned really bad in an hour. all because my brothers are jerks. so christmas day is coming up and kyoto is having their yearly staff party. and this is the first year where i'll actually be able to go cuz i'm in town. each person is supposed 2 be allowed to bring 2 people. however my brothers are jerks and they wont come w/ me. and all my friends are out of town. rather my only friends are out of town. so no one will go with me. i started crying in the car today because i was really sad. its such a stupid thing but it means a lot to me. like, i was never popular in school and i always had very few friends and i always felt that people didn't like me and that they thought i was weird. after i got my job at kyoto i started to open up a bit. but also at the same time i always still feel this barrier between me and my workmates because i dont open up completely and i still sit by myselves sometimes. Like all the servers and chefs see each other outside of work at least once a week to have dinner or shopping or something, so they're pretty close. and like, i just dont want to go to a staff party and have dinner by myself. and i'll feel really awkward joining another family while they're trying 2 have dinner. and i think if i go i might risk even crying because i'll be reminded of how isolated and lonely i am. like honestly, how could one person not have a single friend thats in town that they can take? and worse of all is that my two brothers, 2 ppl who are supposed 2 be closer than friends won't even come with me. that makes me really really sad. like are they ashamed of me or something, i dont see whats the problem with taking 2 hours out of their *busy* life to have free dinner with their sister. it makes me so angry and sad. so i think i'm going to leave before dinner 2morrow, because i really dont want to be there by myself, otherwise i seriously might just sit in a corner and cry. ugh, God, why do you chose to make my life so miserable, and even though i know others have it a LOT worse than not having a dinner date, could you at least stop making me think so hard? if i was a vane, uncaring person then i really wouldn't care about this crap would i? i just think its really unfair how life really isn't equal, and what goes around certainly does NOT come around.
so yes, i'm going to go and take some of the pressure off this hurting feeling i got inside me by doing some you know what *wink wink nudge nudge*

Batmaru

Hello everyone, This is Batman Mashimaru. I bought him today at T&T. hohoho. I'm sad now because there was a Spiderman Mashimaru, Superman Mashimaru, and Ultraman Mashimaru i didn't buy them. After i got home today i felt that Batmaru was a bit sad from being seperated from his fellow superhero-maru's. If i have time i will go back to WEM and buy the rest of them. HOHOHO. but what makes Batmaru EXTREMELY special is that the lady UNDERCHARGED ME for him!!!! (yes that requires FOUR exclamation marks) i'm pretty sure i remember the price tag being 9.99. But after i paid and left the store i looked at the receipt and seen 5.98! I quickened my pace after so she couldn't chase me. MWA HAHAA. haha yes that is my exciting news for the day today.
I've been scheduled to work like a horse this week. Its crazy. I'm working all day 2morrow (friday. aka the death dealing day). Sigh. My only motivation is that I seriously need money to pay for the 1000$ i've spent on xmas gifts. sob sob. Haha. and here i am still buying useless mashi's. Oh i seen a guy at work today who i thought looked like one of my classmates who i used to have a uber crush on. haha. I seen him a couple times and every time i see him i always think the same thing. But yeaaah. Thats all for now. I should prolly sleep now and prepare for the long day ahead of me 2morrolow.
PS walmart is supposidly open 24 hours this week ;) See Ya all there tomorrow!

Today is the week were they didn't have a secret rendevous

So, proof of how Barley, Ben and Bob are in cahoots. Last week and the week prior too I saw all 3 of them (well i guess minus Ben because i think he only comes in on saturdays) And this ENTIRE WEEK. I saw....'neither of them'.... dun Dun DUUUUN. Hahah which is a good thing i guess. Because i looked pretty bad. Last week i guess from all the stress and cleaning I looked like i should've been quarrantined.... seriously. My lip bloated up and started bleeding, my ear got infected, my nose was all stuffy, my eyes were kinda red, and i had breakouts gallore (most noticeably the giant pimple on my nose) Dear Lord it was quite sad. So whoever pays attention to this blog, should know that i moved out of my room and am currently sharing a different one w/ my brother. I'd just like to note how 'extremely' hard it is to fall asleep in that room. Its so f'ing hot in there. Also, my brother likes to turn on his super bright lamp when i am sleeping, or trying to sleep, and i therefore do not fall asleep. He also likes to play his new PSP hooked up to his speakers when i am sleeping or trying to sleep and i also therefore do not sleep. le sigh. So i had maybe like 3-4 hours of sleep last night before getting up this morning at 10 to go 2 work till 9. *sob sob*

But aside from that my mom came back from HK. Whoo-HA-whoo. I was trying 2 study in the living room for my mandarin final and she kept on empyting out her suitcase showing me everything that she bought. She actually put clothes on top of my notes and said *LOOK A MOY!!!!* Hahah, my mom bought me a lot of stuff. I feel kinda bad.... but at the same time i dont because i'm a greedy bastard. OHOHOH. But also at the same time, i am too fat to wear all the cool clothes she bought me from HK. The skirts she bought me are too short cuz my hips are to big, and the hoody she bought me....well lets just say HK ppl have f' ing short arms. The hoody looks like a 3/4 sleeve when i wear it, and then i just feel like an idiot wearing it because i know its not supposed 2 be 3/4 sleeve. Sigh, i'll try and change the sleeves during xmas break or something. But anyhoo, i gotta go 2 bread now, so i can fall asleep before my brother goes 2 sleep, and also so that i can wake up early 2morrow and study for my 2 exams that i have on tuesday.... Oooooh shoot me now!!

With my powers of super stalking....

....i was able to discover Barleys real name! However.... i extremely embarassed myself today. and yes i know that sentence is grammatically incorrect. So anyways. Barley and his lady friend came in today. And we only had table 4 open so i took them there. And aside from 'hi' and 'table for 2', he hasn't really said anything to me before. So i was extremely surprised when he noticed that i wasn't wearing contacts today and said soemthing like "Of all the times i've seen you, i dont think i've ever seen you wear glasses." and he smiled at me. And because i was in extreme shock from the that only thing i managed to do was so 'squeak' out a sighed *aaaaw*. I have ABSOLUTELY no idea why i said that. And after i said that i put down their menus and ran away. hahah GREAT impression Corinna. Great. le sigh. Of all the things i could have said. I could have laughed a witty laugh, said 'i dont wear them often', made a joke about being lazy, ANYTHING but squeaked out that sound. SIIIIGH hahah i seriously am living a the life of a cheezy teen flick aren't i. But yeah. barley is pretty, and i honestly think he has an azn fetish. All of his lady friends are all azn. Wee-yad. BUT change of pace here.

I dont think i've actually commented on volume 10 of Trigun Maximum yet. But, it was extremely good, and EXTREMELY sad. i read it the same amout of times as vol. 9, and i think i like 10 more. Vash made a much appreciated appearance. Oh poor vash...OH POOR WOLFWOOD. *sob sob* But, from what i believe I think Livio will make and excellent....new partner for Vash. Le sob. I know there was a longer more intriguing entry for this but i am extremely tired, and my vision is starting to shake. I got demoted in living accomodations today. Hahah, from my own suggestion, but i moved out of my room, and am now sharing a room w/ my big brother so that my 2nd brother will stop being a jerk and sleeping on the couch. Sooo sacrificed some of my privacy so my brother could get his back. But ah whatever. I guess it was worth it, I haven't seen Tchow smile that many times in a long time, so i guess its all good. Hahah. But on the other hand our place looks like its been hit by a tornado....

Doo dee doo, I seen Barley tonight!

Ho hum. Today was the official last day of classes. I was so excited because I would finally get the night off, and I was looking forward to taking an extra long nap. Alas I had a feeling that this would not be the case. For at 3 30 my workmate called me and asked me to work for her. Annnd since i no longer had class 2 attend, I had no excuse. So I went to work. And made some much needed money. As will happen tomorrow as well after i got suckered into working all day. Sigh.... BUT on the plus side i seen Barley today. Him and his supah gangsta buddies. Hohoho. I tried to avoid standing suspiciously at the hostess stand as he waited for his buddies to pay. So i went and cleaned every table possible. And even after that he was STILL standing there waiting for his lady friend to pay. So i waited in the kitchen for the longest time ever. And came back out. And he was STILL there. So i went and stood by the hostess stand for several awkward mintues having nothing to do. hahaha. Yes. that is my story. La Fin. I dont nkow why i'm avoiding that guy either.... weeeird. Wlep i gotta go sleep now so i can spend my whole day making money.... sigh.

While at the Library Reading a Fable

Ho hum heres another fable I found to be pretty interesting. This one more funny than the previous one

The Lion, The Fox, and the Stag

A lion sick in his den, unable to provide himself with food. So he asked to his friend the Fox, who came to ask how he did, "My good friend, I wish you would go to yojnger wood and beguile the big Stag, who lives there, to come to my den" I have a fancy to make my dinner off a astag's heart and brains." The Fox went to the wood and found the Stag and said to him, "My dear sir, you're in luck. You know the Lion, our King: well, he's at this point of death, and has appointed you his successor to rule over the beasts. I hope you wn't forget that I was the first to bring you the good news, And now I must be going back to him; and, if you take my advice, you'll come to and be with him at the last." The Stag was highly flattered, and followed the Fox to the lion's den, suspecting nothing. No sooner had he got inside than the Lion sprang upon him, but he misjudged his spring, and the Stag got away with only his ears torn, and retunring as fast as he could to the shelter of the wood. The Fox was much mortified, and the Lion, too, was dreadfully disappointed, for he was getting very hungry in spite of his illness. So he begged the Fox to have anohter try at coaxing the Stag to his den. "It'll be almost imipossible this time," said the Fox, "but I'll try"; and off he went to the wood a sencond time, and found the Stag resting and trying to to recover from his firgnt. As soon as he saw the Fox he cried, "You scroundrel, what do you mean by trying to lure me to my death like that? Take yourself off, or I'll do you death with my horns." But the Fox was entirely shameless. "What a coward you were," said he; "surely you didn't think the Lion meant any harm? Why, he was only going to whisper some ryal secrets intyou your ear when you went off like a scared rabbit. You have reather disgusted him, and I'm not sure he won't make the wold King instead, unless you come back and once and show you've got some spirt. I promise you he won't hurt you, and I will be your faithful servant." The Stag was foolish enought to be persuaded to return, and this time the Lion made no mistake, but overpowered him, and feasted right royally upon his carcase. The Fox, meanwhile, watching his chance, and when the Lion wasn't loking, filched away the brains to reward him for his troulbe. Presently the Lion began searching for them, of course without success: and the Fox, who was watching him, said, "I dont think it's much use your looking for the brains: a creature who twice walked into a Lion's den can't have got any."

Hahah. stupid Stag.

While Reading a Fable

I was at the library looking for books for my project a few weeks ago when I stumbled upon a section with Aesop's fables. So having just finished my first 2 exams and having plenty of reading time for the next week and a half, I decided to rent out one of the books. Obviously his fables are speckled with morals and I've found that most of them are pretty much bittersweet. This following one that I just read, made me pretty sad actually for the lion..... poor guy.

The Lion in Love
A Lion fell deeply in love with the daughter of a cottager and wanted to marry her; but her father was unwilling to give her to so fearsome a husband, and yet didn't want to offend the Lion; so he hit upon the following expedient. He went to the Lion and said, "I think you will make a very good husband for my daughter: but I cannot consent to your union unless you let me draw your teeth and pare your nails, for my daughter is terribly afraid of them." The Lion was so much in love that he readily agreed that this should be done. When once, however, he was thus disarmed, the Cottager was afraid of him no longer, but drove him away with his club.

.... aaaaw. All of the fables up until that one had guessed correctly what the outcome was. But for some reason this one took me completely by surprise. Ah i've said it once and i'll say it again, I'm a hopeless romantic. Anyhoo thats all for now. Just a little quote on a silly fable.... *sigh*

Xala

TRY TO BE SUPER QUICK TODAY I WAS SUPPOSED 2 BE ASLEEP AN HOUR AGO

Xala
Today was the screening for Xala. I'm actually kind of bittersweet about this film. I didn't really enjoy it, and i also didn't really hate it either. It probably has to do with the feelings towards El Hadji, too. In the beginning I think I really disliked him, but as the film progressed I started to feel sorry for him, especially at the end, but still at the same time I felt like he had it coming. I would have like Xala more, I think, if they could have done something to make the 2 languages more distinguishable, because for a while i didn't know they were speaking 2 different languages, and I think this would have gave a stronger effect during the scenes were Rama was talking to her father in his office, and also the scene where El Hadji was presenting his case to the other members of his work. Um... I also made note about the clothing through out Xala. There was always the traditional African American loose colorful print garbs, and then the business suit/ Western clothes. The clothing difference stood out the most, when El Hadji went to visit those African 'doctors' to take away his Xala. Here he was, in a full business suite and briefcase, looking so out of place in an isolated African village, when usually, it is the other pople who look out of place in El Hadji's world. Also, Adja (1st wife) was always wearing the traditional clothes, and Rama would alternate between the two. Oumi (2nd wife) and her family all wore Western clothes and it felt like those people were always asking for money. The first thing the eldest son did when he seen El Hadji was ask for money, and same with the 2nd wife, even saying that what he gave wasn't enough. What I thought was really ironic and sad was that, even though El Hadji seemed to care the least about Adja (ie. he didn't give them money, and when he was rid of his Xala for those few days it was Oumi who he went to visit), and jet Adja and Rama were the ones who welcomed him back to their homes after he lost his job and went broke. There was also a lot of juxtapositions of culture throughout this movie, that if one wasn't paying attention to, they might not have caught it. First I caught the clothing juxtaposition. Also, when El Hadji's workmates where casting votes about whether or not they should exclude him from their group they put the ballots in a tribal centerpiece. So symbols of 'civilization' (voting) vs. 'un-civilazation' (the tribal mask). And also the whole idea of trying to cure El Hadji's Xala. Basically trying a tribal remedy for a modern day problem. I also wanted to point out is the title Xala itself. I thought it was interesting to note that to the unknowing audience (ie. Me) they wouldn't find out what Xala was until pretty much half way through the movie. My first guess was that Xala was the name of an important female character.

aw hell no

It is 3AM. I am not asleep, nor have i slept. After publishing my last post and stating i was going to sleep. I did not. Instead I spent 2 hours reading some other guys blog. YOU IDIOT.

Mwa Ha Ha

Hey everybody. Hows it all goin'. I was asking my brothers today about if they could, how would they choose to have their luck dispersed. You guys ponder too. Would you rather have all your luck dispersed evenly through ought every day so that every day is around average. Or would you choose to have your luck bundled up and have spurts of extremely good luck days follwed by spurts of extremely bad luck days? I always think that my luck is similar to the latter one. I always have certain really good days and followed by really bad days. Yaaah. I think if I could chose, I'd leave it. Because it when i have really really good days. They make me extra happy. But of course that means I have really bad days, and yes they make me angry and stressfull, but I still like the feeling I get after I get home from a really good day.
Hohoh. today was an above average day I guess.. or at least it ended pretty well. The weekend was really swell too so thats why i brought it up. Main reason for todays entry. I GOT MY FIRST A+ PAPER TODAY DAWGS!! Whoo man you guys have no idea how surprised and happy I was. Especially considering I totally wasn't expecting it. I got it on my Film Studies Critcal Project. I have it in my hand right now. Hee hee. So happy. I'm also feeling pretty upbeat because I have pretty much all 3 of my papers done now. I just have 2 write the last entry for my ArtH response. And if I have time I'll touch up my C. Literature paper. (Which I had decided as being 'done' yesterday but decided not to hand it in after like 5 hours of debating.) But anyhoo, someone praise me on my A+!! I'm so happy, haha i actually rejoiced when i walked into the house. My brothers didn't say anything to me though :( I was really proud, haha. I dunno how this is possible but I'm doing so much better this year than my other years. Which seems ironic because this year I'm balancing 5 courses, and a part time job, whereas in previous years I've always had less than 5 courses and in 1st year I didn't even have a job. How Bizarre. Now I just hope I do well on the 3 papers that I'm going to be handing in this week.....and on all my exams.... I dunno how my brother is doing in his school work. I hope hes doing okay. I seen his report today and I dunno if maybe I'm just reading it wrong, but it seems like hes not doing that great. He prolly has no clue cuz hes a jerk, but it really bothers me sometimes. And everyday I always worry for him too. I get so angry cuz he always sleeps on the couch, even though theres a perfectly good bed in the other room for him. Knowing from experience, it makes school work extra stressful if you cant concentrait or dont get a good nights sleep. I seriously thought about moving into felix's room so he could have his room back, but then I'd be the one stressed out since felix wakes up earlier than I do and he always wakes me up in the process. Tchow on the otherhand wakes up earlier than both of us so I dont see why he doesn't sleep in the room. Its so dumb. Gah, its the most obvious solution and it works best too, I just dont understand why hes such a jerk.
Harg, i dunno how that last bit came up, but I'm a bit upset now. I think i'll go off on a tangent about work on Friday and how I think some of my customers are in cahoots w/ each other :) Haha I swear. Theres these 3 (sometimes 4) customers that i recognize that (i believe) dont know each other. And everytime I see 1 of them, the other 2 always come in either later in the day, or the next day I work. And then. I wont see all 3 of them for like 2-3 weeks. And then, 1 of them shows up, and the other 2 show up later on. Its creepy. But strangely gratifying when I see them. Becase they are pretty.... Tee hee. haha i'm dense. BUT ITS TRUE! I told Yvonne, and she laughed. She asked me who and she only knew who 'ben' was. He cut his hair into a mohawk, since the last time i seen him. It was extremely hot. Hahah I was in the kitchen getting stuff and Yvonne told me my take out was here. And i went outside and i seriously dropped my jaw. hey you got extremely hot since the last time i seen you ;) haha which i didn't say. Tee hee. so purty. I dont know the gangster guys name but since Yvonne noticed the other 2 guys' names start w/ B, she said, "Maybe his names Barley" And i laughed. because that is such a gangster name. Hahah. Welp I gotta go 2 shower now. So then I can get up 2morrolw and finish my 2 papers and maybe Mandarin. And then on Thursday I plan on going to WEM, since I haven't went since September. There is a giant stash of money that I have saved up because I haven't had anything to spend it on. Would anyone like to accompany me? O-hohoho

地狱天堂

Hey yooo.
Such a productive long weekend eh? NOT. I actually didn't get 'anything' done while i was in fort mac. (Unless you count dot-to-dots) I was so sad. Hahah, but the last 3 days however have been quite productive :P On Tuesday morning during the 5 hour bus ride out here I actually finished the entire reading for CLit. It was great. I took a nap from Ft Mac to Grasslands. And after we left Grasslands I started to read for what felt like 10 mintues. I finished reading the entire story. And when I looked up. The bus was in Edmonton. I felt so accomplished. It turns out that I had actually read soemthing like 50 pages. Hahah. After I got back into Edmonton I took a nap, and then i watched way to much tv with my brothers. And then finally I went in and started my Comparative Lit paper. I hate starting papers but once i get into the groove its a lot better. I'm still not quite finished it yet and am missing like... ~200 words. But its certainly better than 1500. Classes resumed on Wednesday so I was pretty much on campus the whole day. And at night I actually finished writing my 3 film journals. Quite pleased. Hahah. Today I woke up around 12 and dooked around before settling down to re-watch The Conversation. I really like that movie. Anyways, so i finished my FS paper, (that one was more smooth and successfull I think) I tried to start on my ArtH responses but I'm having trouble finding articles and stuff. The internet had zilch, and my library search brought up nothing too. I hope i can find some stuff in the library tomorrow or I think i might be in a little trouble.
But anyways. If anyone noticed my title for this blog is in Chinese. It literally translates to Hell Heaven. (Say Whaaa?) Haha, its a title of a chinese song that I've been looking for, for like... 6years now. I FINALLY FOUND IT. MWAHAHAH. So happy. All thanks to my amazing sleuthing skills. And like the help of 3 sites. Hahah. It was ACTUALLY by pure coincedence that i bumped into the MV of it on youtube. (thanks ling). I also discovered how to type 神劍魔刀 !! AMAZING! hahah Thats the chinese name for *The Divine Sword and Possessed Sabre* aka the Blood Stained Intrigue. If i really think about it it was a complete waste of my time as I cant really do anything with it. But it sure was morale boosting! I listened to the 地狱天堂 song like 500 times now. Its so nice. Ohohoh. Har har, but anyhoo, i'm gonna jet now. Might be a long day tomorrow. Chow

Rear Window

Hohum, since its been exactly a week that means I have 2 journals to post up tonight. The screening for tonight was Alfred Hitchcock's Rear Window and a short film called Les Filles du Roi.

Rear Window
I really enjoyed watching tonights screening of Alfred Hitchcock's Rear Window. I thought the plot was nice and the characters Jeff, Lisa and Stella were also exeptional. I also enjoyed this film because it almost seemed to have more than one story going on at one time. Depending on which window Jeffrey was looking at, the audience would then get a glimpse at a different story line with different people in it. There was Miss Torso and her dancing and the many young gentlemen she would sometimes have over. And then there was Miss Lonely-heart and her story of trying to find a partner. And also there was the pianist and his story about trying to finish composing his songs. And of course the story of Mr and Mrs Thorwald. I liked how all of these 'mini-stories' made up the main story and it was done without being confusing at all. Alfred Hitchcock is said to be the master of suspense, and I'll say that for this movie I think he did a wonderful job. The very first hint the audience gets that trouble is coming, is when Stella is introduced and says something like, 'i can smell trouble a mile away, and frankly, i smell trouble' I also like how the the character Lisa progressed throughout the story. In the beginning she was always all dressed up and posh talking about things like the Waldorf, and Harpers Bazaar. Jeff and Lisa then argued about how 'she couldn't live in his world, and he couldn't live in her world'. Lisa then starts changing when Jeff introduces the thought about murder next door. She starts snooping around (ie finding out the names of the Mr and Mrs) and near the climax of the film she actually volunteers herself to dig up the flowerbed. I thought it was great showing Lisa climb up the fire escape and into the Thornwald's apartment, nearly killing herself, all the while doing it in a fancy dress and high heels. The ending of the movie also wrapped up nicely as it showed happy endings in all the windows, including Jeff and Lisa's.

A little side note that I made at the very beginning of this movie. I never watched Rear Window before, but I did recognize it from an episode of the Simpson's Treehouse of Horror. I immediately recognized the storyline when I seen the foot-in-cast, wheelchair-bound, spying Jeffries since it was the exact same image shown of Bart Simpson in that episode. I found it all the more interesting to watch because, in the Simpsons episode, the murderous neighbor is actually innocent and all of the 'clues' that point to him being a murderer are actually a bunch of coincedences. I kept on wondering if the Simpsons episode was exactly the same as Rear Window and that the outcome would mean that Mr Thorwald was also innocent and that Jeffries, like Bart was just thinking too deeply. So the fact that I had two suspenses going on at the same time, made this film even more enjoyable.

Les Filled du Roi
I was actually surprised that this short film wasn't quite what I expected it to be. After just finishing watching a 2 hour movie I figured I was going to be quite restless and bored throught this film. But as it progressed I thought it wasn't too bad. I guess I wasn't expecting the Feminism theme to be portrayed, and the fact that I felt it was portrayed really well probably aided in my liking of this film. The constant portrayal of women in their 'workplace' mass producing things. Rows and rows of sewing maching operators, data entry workers, it showed how women's jobs at the time weren't unique at all. It was like watching a bunch of lab rats in a cage, you couldn't tell who was who. The narration wass really well done too. I didn't notice how all the women, while at work to 'be closer to their husbands' were actually more in contact with strangers rather than their loved ones, until the narrator clued me in. The narrator cleared up the idea being conveyed in certain scenes, and also made the audience ponder about thoughts, where as if there were no narrative, the audience would just sit there watching pretty pictures on the screen. Considering that this movie seemed documentary-like and I had immediately labelled it as boring, I actually enjoyed this film as well.

Grand Illusion

So this journal entry is about a week late, but as always, better late than never right.

Today we watched Jean Renoir's Grand Illusion. I actually quite enjoyed this film. We were asked to pay attention to this movie in terms of Bazinian's theory of realism, and since I kept an eye out for this throughout the movie I thought I'd note on it. I especially noticed that Grand Illusion had a lot of long takes. For example, in the beginning when everyone is sitting around the dinner table talking, rather than cut to shots of each individual person, the camera did a 360 degree pan. And later when the camera was at the head of the table it was able to record the groups reaction to the news as a whole rather than single out specific people's reactions. Most of the scenes also had clear fore, middle and backgrounds. One of the main things I noticed about long takes is that it conveys space much better. Rather than cutting to different angles all the time (ike in Battleship Potemkin) the camera usually filmed scenes in one shot. To me it was much less confusing and as a member of the audience I wasn't as confused about where the actors where in relation to each other, and the setting. The size and scale of rooms to me was easier to convey. For example the scene where everyone is getting their parcels from the post office room, the camera just stayed at one angle and continuously panned left and right. The audience could see the entrance to the room on the left, and when the employee went to the back to get their parcels, the camera followed him and we were able to see the back of the room. The action for sure is easier to follow with long takes, but it's certainly not as interesting without editing.
Another thing I'd like to comment on is the usage of comedy in this film. I thought Grand Illusion was absolutely hilarious at certain scenes, and the comedy parts seemed absolutely effortless. All the hilarity was implied through actions and reactions and I thought this was especially nice. Sometimes movies try to hard to be funny but I thought the comedy in this film was great. For example the scene were one of the soldiers dresses up in a skirt and all the other men in the room stare at him. Aside from the man in the dress mumbling about 'how silly he looks', there is no other dialouge. Only shots of him and the crowd of men staring at him longingly thinking that he doesn't actually look that bad. This scene was hilarious, when in actuality there wasn't really much going on in the scene, just implied meanings.

no idea

Just a quick post tonight. It's been a few weeks i think since my last post. And i just want everyone who cares to know that I feel better now. I'm going back to fort mac 2morrow for the long weekend, so we'll see how that goes.
On the lighter side of things, if anyone read my 3rd last post about the supah dreamy guy from Veronica Mars, i've got some stories to elaborate on. Ohohoh. So when i watched the ending to season 1, I was like WTF. cuz i wanted to know who was knocking at her door. And i skimmed a spoiler on Wikipedia (damn you Wikipedia) that the dreamy guy was credited as being Veronica's bf. So i was like oh yay. And then i watched the 1st episode of the 2nd season, and it was seriously F-ed up. Stuff kept on switching around and in the end Veronica didn't end up the dreamy guy. And i was like... SAY WHAAA? and then the episode ended. And i went onto wikipedia cuz i couldnt take the suspense and read the entire series re-cap. Hahah i'm an idiot. But dreamy man and Veronica do get back together again 'late' in the series. So yeah... bittersweet. Yarg. Welp, thats all for now, i gotta go to sleep and get up early 2morrow.

Did it have to start the day after my birthday?....

I believe that this year is going to be a bad year for me. Why, you ask me? Well for starters, less than 24 hours after i turned 21, i started cutting my wrist again. I havent done that in a REALLY long time. (At least not that i remember anyways) I cried really hard in the bathroom too, and i cried again today. I haven't cried in consecutive days in more than 2 years too I think. Yesterday was just a really bad day. I had my belated 'birthday party' (nice eh?) Early in the afternoon Jess gave me a call 2 go to whyte w/ her. I was really tired still but I was like sure whatever. (She said she came out to Edmonton for my birthday, but i really doubted that when she said that. 1st of all we didn't really do anything birthday-ish together, and 2nd of all, she didn't stay at our place, so it leads me to believe, my birthday just coincided w/ some other event she had planned out here) But anyways, so we went 2 eat lunch at Chili's and I was telling her I always get jacked and end up paying more for my meal whenever I go out w/ a certain group of friends and we split the bill. And then for Dinner me, her and a bunch of people went to Japanese Village to eat. Jess left early, (coinciding event?) and because of that i screwed up on how to split the bill (it would have been divided exactly by 7 but she didn't stay so i had to take off a certain percent of the food she didn't eat). But she paid for my share, and that was nice cuz i didn't know, but in the end I ended up dishing out 10$ because of the confusing bill. After dinner we went to city centre to watch the Grudge II. I've been waiting to watch this for a while, and i checked in the SEE paper when it would be showing. There was a showing at 7 15 and i thought that woulda been perfect cuz dinner was at 5 and we could walk right over. But when we got to city centre, the ticket person said that they weren't showing Grudge anymore. I was like WTF. I dont know how it happened but we ended up watching SAW III instead. Within the first 10 mintues of the movie i was really tempted to get up and leave because i DID NOT want to watch the movie. So after the movie ended i was pissed and angry. Then me and Ling went 2 her place 2 get ready to go to a club on jasper w/ tara and jamie. We got ready in like 10 mintues and Tara told us to meet her at 7 11, so the 2 of us waiting like half an hour for the train to go to corona, and then we walked in the snow (PS it started snowing shitloads right after midnight on my birthday.) from corona to 711, where tara called and told us she walked back home, so we walked back towards tara's place, and then we went 2 New City, which was exactly were me and ling got on the train to meet Tara anyways. So we made a huge useless 10 mintues circle in the -5 degree weather. They stayed at New City all night. I didn't really like any of the music because it sucked. And then at 1AM i told them that I was going to go because I still had to work the next day, still had to go 2 lings place to pick up my stuff, and try and call a cab before the clubbing rush began. Those stupid fuck faces didnt listen to a word I said, they were like 10 more mintues 10 more mintues. We fucking ended up staying till almost 2 AM. It makes me so angry because Tara ESPECIALLY thinks of herself first. (Take the Lush story I told awhile back ago). SHE didn't have to fucking work the next day, SHE didn't fucking have to catch a cab home, SHE didn't fucking walk 20 mintues in the snow. Fucksakes, but so when i got back to Lings place All the taxi lines were busy. I i started getting really angry because I KNEW that was going to happen. So i called home hoping maybe Tchow or Felix could come pick me up. And Tchow got really angry at me, which i understand cuz it was late, but he didn't have to fucking swear at me, he could have just said no. And then his car got stuck in the driveway. So i had to find my own way home. And since it was past 2AM by now I knew getting a hold of a cab would be impossible. So i walked 10 blocks home in the snow carrying my birthday presents wearing a light sweater and backless shoes. When i got home my grandparents got angry at me. I told them to go to sleep and when they went into my room to sleep, I took out my trusty serrated knife and started cutting away. I prolly sat on the kitchen floor for a good 30 mintues before going to sleep on the couch. Actually the words 'going to sleep' are way too strong. For, definately, the first time in 2 years i had trouble sleeping. It felt exactly like when i used to have insomnia, and i stayed awake till about 5AM thinking how my life was going downhill again. I dozed off lightybefore I was jarred awake by the sounds of my grandma putting away the pots and pans at 9AM. At 10AM i got out of bed to go to work.
Today was definately not any better. I actually almost cried at work today cuz I was so stressed out. I was pissed off because of how jerk customers piss me off really bad and i cant do anything about it, and how all of the servers suck. They all come in late, leave early and always make me do stuff that the should be doing. 20 mintues before i got off work i was ready to fucking scream and walk out. I dont want to work anymore either. I cried all the way home, and when i got home i went to the bathroom and cried some more before hoping into bed, and playing w/ the knife that is still in my desk drawer.
I think what really makes me depressed is how easily I'm taken advantage of, and how i can't speak up for myself. Also, the fact that my family seems to not notice (or care) that my personality has taken a drastic change makes me upset too. I could be dead or dying in my room and they'd still be outside watching David Blaine and laughing. I wrote in a previous entry that Iris and Cathy moving to BC really upset me, but i didn't publish it because i thought i wasn't realy that upset. I realize now how not true that was. Because now I dont have anyone to call and talk to, and most importantly I dont have any friends that I can actually go over to late at night when i just want to get away from my family. Yesterday I could have really done that. I couldn't sleep because i knew these next 2 days were going to be really bad. I always lose sleep and fall behind in school because my grandparents are here. It might sound greedy but its true. Not only do I NOT have a quiet place to sleep, I also can't do my homework ANYWHERE and I always get jarred awake at like 6AM by my brothers after struggling to fall asleep. I get so stressed out and depressed when my grandparents come out, and its really extra stressful that I'm OBVIOUSLY not myself and everyone chooses to ignore that fact. I'm going to take a shower right now because since yesterday my entire body has been cold, not to mention the cut on my wrist is all swollen too.

Swooning Blog Entry Today

Feel free to skip this entry if you wish because its another giggly school girly entry about some new good looking guy. Haha no this ones not from work, hes actually from tv. (Hes among the ranks and reachability of Michael Rosenbaum, aka sexy lexy) So this new tv show man is Jason Dohring (I think, i actually havent done the whole wikipedia, bio, stalker drill yet) aka Logan Echolls from 'Veronica Mars'. Funny, because the exact same thing that happened 2 Lex Luthor happend to the other guy. I didn't really like him at first, and then i started to think he was good looking, and then i started to love his character. So anyways. I was actually a little bit shocked when he and Veronica got together. But not like 'aw man' shocked but like 'aw thats nice' shocked. I think i like Veronica's character too, so 2 characters i like, getting together is okay. But anyways, Logan's character/ reactions I really like. Just, like i guess maybe thats what i imagine some guy doing to me sometimes. Like, i give him a little thank you peck or soemthing and go 2 walk away, and out of the blue he just grabs me and gives me a looooooong kiss.... *sigh* So yeah, I'd love to have a boyfriend who I could secretly make out with in the girls washroom, and one who would laugh while we're making out. I think thats sexy. hohohoho. BUT, the last episode I just watched was bittersweet because Veronica found out that the one who supplied the roofies that got her raped was Logan. And then she stood him up on their first official 'date', and then the credits rolled, and then it was the end of the dvd, and then felix stopped watching. And i was like..... *so sad...sniff sniff* But, this is supposed to be a suspense drama i think with a lot of twists and turns so *anything* could happen. But taht also means that anything 'could' happen, so Veronica could end up kicking his ass, yadda yadda yadda. Which i hope she doens't because I like him. He has a cute smile, just like bob.
Hahah, so theres the end of Swoon Blog.
So right now is officially my birthday. i'm 21 dawgs. yuh-huh. Dont really feel any different. But then again i never really do. I hope 2morrow is a good day. I dont know if i should wear my 60's costume 2 work or not. I wore my kimono 2 work today and my obi fell apart. Hahah during the busiest time possible, so i had 2 walk around holding the 2 meters of fabric in one hand. But i fixed it. And i'm happy to say that both of my costumes turned out swell. I'm really proud of the kimono cuz i actually made it properly. No real disgusting seams showing and it looks pretty good on me too.... yay. So happy that class go cancelled today. I dont have 2 wake up till 11. yessss. I love sleep, and sleep would love me if it could. Welp ttya'll later.

Oh PS. I made birthday plans for the first time ever. We're going to have dinner at Japanese Village, and then go see Grudge 2, and then I dont know what else will happen after. Hopefully fun. Hopefull I will land myself a Logan Echolls laughing kisser.

The Conversation

Today's Film Journal will be about blank blank blank's The Conversation.

I really enjoyed watching this movie, and I think I can safetly say that of all the films we watched so far, this one was my favorite. I just thought that The Conversation was overall really well done. I made note of lots of small bits that stuck out. For example, in the beginning of the film rather than suddenly start out with a shot of the man in the brown suit, the camera slowly zoomed in on the mime and followed him around till he indirectly introduced the man in the brown suit. And then I thought it was really interesting how without warning the woman and the man's voices suddenly started to break up and get digitalized. It was eerie and because I didn't know what was happening it grabbed my attention right away. I also noticed that there wasn't exactly a lot of dialouge throughout the movie. Like there'd be short sections w/ a lot of dialouge and then a lot of other scenes inbetween w/ little dialouge and more music. One scene that I thought was really interesting was the one where Harry is in the room next to 773. After going out onto the balcony and hearing the girl scream and seeing the blood across the window, I didn't understand if that was 'reality' or if he was just imagining it. I thought it was just bad editing, haha. It wasn't until the end that I discovered that that scene was meant to be unclear, and that the audience isn't supposed to know if it was Harry's imaging or not till the story finishes unfolding. I thought that it was extremely interesting that a director/ editor would be able to convey that type of unclear feeling.

Character-wise, I though Harry Caul was pretty intersting too. It was pretty neat how the director showed us his (almost) obsession with security and privacy. (Ie, the 3 locks on the door, the alarm system, the call to the caretaker about how he got in, etc) It drove the point in pretty quickly that he was really strict about people not getting in his personal space. Continuing with this idea of personal space, trust played an important role in Harry's life too, in that it seemed he didn't want to trust/ open up to anyone. I thought it was kinda sad too, because in the film, the only times he started to open up to people, something resulted because of it. The conversation he had w/ the lady in green about Amy got recorded my Bernie, and as a result everyone laughed at him because 'the bugger got bugged.' That same night, after sleeping w/ the same lady, he awoke to discover that she had taken his audio tapes. Its things like that that probably made Harry so secretive and isolated. Another thing I noted was, because Harry does what he does, he knows how easy it is for someone to spy/record/listen in, on anything he does. And because of this knowlege, he chooses to be isolated from everyone so that no one has the opportunity to spy on him. This idea also plays out in the very last part of the film when Harry is desperately trying to find the 'bug' that Martin & Co. planted in his apartment. He really crossed the line of job and obsession after deciding to break open the religious figurine, and therefore desecrating something he cared deeply for (religion). After this, it was like there was nothing holding him back now, and he continued to tear apart his apartment looking for something that probably wasn't there in the first place.

so schweaty....

Hohoh i just popped out from another bath, this one was more successful than the previous one i attempted to take. hahaha. Another super quicky today. So i seen all of my 'favorite' customers today. Hohoho (and by favorite i mean good looking) Tee hee. This week wasn't as dreamy as last week though. *siiigh* It was quite the opposite actually.... well i guess not the *complete* opposite...but yeaah. As i mentioned yesterday, super gangster man came in. I was a bit sad because his super hot chick is Karen. hahah ooooh well. I thought it was funny cuz when K walked by he did a double take. i laughed...then i cried. haha but not really. i also seen ...wow i actually seen BOTH the guys from 2 weeks ago that i commented about. The one who followed me home and the other guy who was sitting next to him. Coincedence? Maybe they are secret lovers HOHOHO. Hahaha, yvan you are a super scruffy man. You look like you just came back from the wilderness. HOHOH. and i beleve your name is ben, ....well your just pretty. Hhaha BUT. main reason for entry today... well actually not really, so dont get so hung up over yourself. Hahah i seen bob today. Because everybody has a secret name on this blog, and bob is bob's secret name i'll just stick to calling you bob. But, so i seen bob today! I haven't seen him in like 3 months. (same w/ sal, i think i scared him away when i recognized his voice over the phone, haha but YOU TOO, dont get so hung up, i recognize a lot of ppls voices over the phone, especially if they order the same thing, i recognize cynthia, elizabeth, shawn/amanda, george, and that tyler guy) But anyways, so yeah, bob looks the same. Tee hee, super cute big smile. AND one thing i noticed while passing by and cautiously looking at him.... he has a tattoo! I was actually REALLY surpised w/ that one. I dont know why, either cuz i never noticed it before, but prolly more so that i would not expect him to have a tattoo. He doens't look like the type of guy to have a tattoo... But now that i know you are the type of guy to have a tattoo.... oh boy, my opinions of you have changed. ; ) Harg, i think i am drunk from those 3 capfuls of bubble bath i soaked in. So i should probably go.... yeaah. hahah. Sleeeeep.