Inability to Cope

I just wanted to let you know I'm in a lot of pain right now because of you.

Because when you told me you didn't want to hurt me when we started talking again, I believed you and I let my guard down.

And I regret it, deeply.

Because talking with you for the 2 weeks in October was the most normal I have ever felt before and I thought I was going to be okay.

But what you did again triggered all that depression to come back out and I'm really sad that I have to fight through it all again and climb back up all the stairs I worked so hard on before.

I lied when I said when you stopped talking to me all those years ago that it didn't hurt.  It actually really did hurt and I just blocked it from my memory as the only way to get better.  But the memories came back and I feel really stupid.

I told you before, my one goal in life is to not make it hard on others, because I don't want anyone to feel the way I feel because of how poorly I treated them.