I keep asking myself what was the trigger that caused Andrew to turn away from me. I'm sure overthinking is somewhere there..... but I think he had something to do with that too. I used to be really confident and happy and friendly. I like to think a lot of people would describe me as that. It was only after I started seeing you again and that last week where I started going downhill again. I don't want to completely blame you, but I think we just weren't a great match. I feed on optimism and caring and attention. I just never got that from you. I thought I tried really hard this time, and I did. The times I did slip I think were justifiable. The first time we fooled around and immediately after you didn't message me for an entire day, compared to dozens of messages a day. What would any self conscious girl like myself think? I don't know why Andrew, I liked you and I wanted to trust you, but I just couldn't convince myself. I never even added you back to my contact list after we started talking and I never told anybody I was seeing someone. I just didn't want you to become something permanent in case I had to erase you again. All your messages just came up as Unknown.

Maybe I did know.

I did try harder this time. And I think you did too. So maybe you were telling me the truth that you got back together with your girlfriend. But.... I think my reaction after you told me says something as well. I sent you a message telling you I was really going to hurt. You didn't respond back. And that was it. I deleted all of our messages and knew I just didn't want to talk to you anymore. I thought I wanted to know why you didn't want to talk to me but it really shouldn't matter. I didn't want to talk to you anymore either and that's what matters most to me. That I was tired of this game, and somehow not surprised. I didn't want to fight for someone like you. I wanted the happiness that you brought me when I saw you and when we talked but.... I didn't want the pain that came with it. The small amounts of happiness you gave me just weren't worth the sadness.

I haven't dated a lot of people, but you are genuinely the only other one that would send me on a rollercoaster of emotions. The only one that caused me to doubt myself and my intentions. I know its my fault too for being so insecure.... but.... someone who cares about you should never make your insecurities grow. And.... I think realizing that is important. Doubts grow when you give them a reason to and you're lack of interest and respect for me was a big reason.