Anti-Epiphany

I had an anti-epiphany in Business Law Class today. Epiphanies usually strike people at random moments and enlighten them. I called this one an anti-epiphany because it did everything except instead of enlighten it took me a step backwards.

I was sitting in class and I asked Tony, 'Why did Andrew block me on IG? I didn't do anything wrong.....' And Tony and a few other people said he probably had something to hide, or was trying to hide me from someone else. And then I thought. Hide me? From who? And then I thought some more.

Was I the other girl?

Did Andrew cheat on his girlfriend with me?

His last message to me said he was amending things with his girlfriend he didn't say ex....

And I sat in class in a daze and just thought about every time I saw him or every time he came over or every text he sent me. I thought they were all lies.

It was pretty bad. I don't remember a single thing the instructor said and I remember my eyes watering. Near the end of class I got upset at Tony and told him to stop telling me these things. And then I felt stupid because I  had asked Tony, he didn't volunteer this info to me and was only telling me because I wanted to know why. I pretty much triggered the antiphany (HAH!). I messaged Iris right away and asked her to meet up after class otherwise I thought I would be a real mess. And actually I scheduled a hair appointment right after class too. I just thought it would cheer me up, and all girls always seem to do this (fresh look on yourself and on life?).

I will be honest the simple act of getting a hair cut really did help. Something about hair stylists, they know how to chat with you and make you feel important and smart. And of course they make you physically look better too. So that entire hour was a nice break. (Gabby, you were right I totally needed to treat myself). Then I tried to meet up with Iris but it was seriously just a series of unfortunate mishaps and we ended up just missing each other and not going out at all. When I got home I sadly started thinking again. (I gotta get on top of this because it is a MAJOR problem for me). So while I was still in class I started thinking of Andrew was lying to me all the time. By the end of class I had to try and snap out of it and I just said to myself  'Just believe him for once.' Because if I believed what he said I would be happier too. And that he really did like spending time with me and just not think about the fact that he blocked me on IG. He did it for his own reason that I will never find out. But.... sadly it still wasn't enough. I got home and wanted to look at his Facebook. I wanted to look at his IG. I actually considered unblocking him quickly to see what he had recently said, or even logging into someone else's FB to look for him.

THANK GOD I said don't fucking do that or you'll really be a crazy bitch.

So... I just looked up his name on Google (still somewhat creepy, I knooooooow). He had taken down his old dating profile, but there was a new book list profile up. Oh Gawd, I'm a huge creep for going so far.... but I looked at his profile. And looked at all the books he wanted to read, or had read...... And... they were kind of synonymous with some of the stories he had told me..... And so... I felt a little better. Maybe not everything was a lie.

So... I feel better right now. I made dinner for brother and I and I did a little Christmas shopping, and also finally made an inquiry on looking into a tattoo cover-up that I've been thinking about for a couple months. I also volunteered on campus next week

I guess I have some things on my plate again to keep me busy for the next little while.

Please wish me some luck and that I'll get over Andrew soon, its only been 3 days.... geezus.