No More

No More.

It took so long, and will still take so long for me to forget you. I may be using forget synonymously with forgive. But regardless it will take a long, long time.

Anyways. I'm doing a lot better since I stopped talking to you. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to. I still am stupid, and wish things could go back to they way they were..... but I don't think I believe in going backwards.... But I'll never know. I still think about you lots and when I see things that remind me of you I want to buy them for you. And its things like these that make me realize how little you did for me. Never coming to visit me at work, or say meaningful things to me, or making me feel like I was truly important to you. Never once. I need to stop dwelling on this rejected feeling and move on and just get you out of my life. I feel like I barely have any friends or a life anymore without you, because when I'm alone, which is constantly, I think about how I would normally be over at your place. At least in the presence of you.
I'm doing a lot better I say. I can be sociable with my co-workers, and have gone out to see some of my old KW friends and I feel okay. Normal even. But sometimes they mention you and ask how I'm doing or if I'm okay. And my answer is never yes. Because I still hurt. But thats not an option. I don't want to hurt and feel this way anymore. To feel used and stupid and like such a fool for caring for someone like you. To feel so embarrassed that I was once proud to call you mine. That I dated someone like you, who could forget me so quickly. I'm sure I've said it before, but I wish so hard that everything comes back to you. Everything. You may have not liked that I thought and worried to much, but because of that I see lots of things people don't. How you can't finish anything. How you are nothing but talk. How you are actually a horrible selfish boy. And if everything keeps up you'll be 75 and still working and telling people you're going to retire at 40. I've given this advice to everyone, and I should see it myself too. I have no where else to go but up from here. Dating you was bringing me down. I had nothing to lose but a dreamer. I feel like I lost everything when I lost you. But in reality, you lost everything when you gave me up. I wanted nothing tangible from you. Only your faith, trust and honesty. If I had stayed with you, I'm sure my life savings would have dwindled to nothing and I would have forgetten all my hopes and dreams. But if you had stayed with me I was always trying to help you stand back up. Maybe you didn't think you needed help, but I think you do. I was willing to look past your faults and tried so many times to help you and make you feel confident. None of which you did for me. But you never believed me. You didn't try. You never tried. You only thought about yourself and how "bothersome" I was becoming. You didn't see how you were always running away, hiding and giving up. Never going forward, staying in the same place and sometimes even going backwards. You always though I wanted you to try harder. But I think actually, I wanted you to try harder. For yourself.

I was good for you, but you never saw it.
You weren't good for me, and I too, never saw it.

Thus it inevitable that we broke up.