what an awesome day

....and by awesome i mean extremely shitty day. So now, i've experienced every type of *date*. Today i got stood up....
I dont even know why i cried. I dont mean anything to him, and he's not supposed to mean anything to me. So why did it hurt. I actually thought that he was gonna do it too. He msged me out of the blue and asked me out for lunch..... to good to be true i shoulda known. I'm such an idiot, i seen it coming so why did i cry. jerk. But whatever, i deserve it. People have been telling me that I should just forget him, and this is what i get for not listening, right. Its good that someone finally slapped me in the face and woke me up. never again....

生日快乐周明儿！！

哈哈。今天。。。。阿不是不是，昨天是我的生日。
Yeaaaah, it was zhou minger's b-day yesterday. another day another year. birthdays get less exciting each year i realized. hahah no happy happy parties.... especially if your birthday coincides with party central day. Day started out bad, then good, then bad, then good. hahah. i had my HSK test today. it was so brutal. I could read like... every 2nd word. I'm so glad i didn't do the intermediate one. dear lord. so then after i went and visited shane in the library, to kill the hour b4 i went to work. Bumped into cynthia there too. hahah fun times fun times. i laughed so hard because we somehow got on the topic of fake teeth. hahahahah and inappropriate times for a tooth to fall out. like hitting your HEAD on the ceiling. hahahahhaha. aaaah. and then i had to go to work....and he gave me a hug. haha yeah.... didn't see that one coming. And while walking to the train station i got uber bummed out because i didn't want to go to work. not at all. And when i got to kyoto like all the tables were dirty and the lunch hostess left already. and the phone kept on ringiing and customers kept on coming in. i actually almost cried, my eyes started watering and i had to go stand at the hostess stand and just breathe for a few seconds. and then CYNTHIA came in! hahah i dont know why but it made me feel a LOT better. cynthia is so nice, i swear if she were a guy.... hahaha i'm gross. But she got me a cake! she said that i looked really sad after i left. hahah i didn't know i projected that.... but yeah. cake and candy. oo-la-la. I had like 3 cakes today. if i had a meat cake i woulda had all 4 food groups. Jason got me a 水果蛋糕。Cynthia got me a chocolate cake, and Felix and Terence got me a ice cream cake at save on's. after work i went out to Iron Horse with Tara, Jamie, and Ling. we were Red Riding Hood, Cinderella, Snow White, and GoGo Yubari. Everybody's costume looked really really good actually. Yup and now here i am sitting at home in front of the cpu. B-day was a good one this year, it all averaged out..... 谢谢你。

Little Red Riding Hood

大家好！你们今天怎么样？hoho 是不是很surprise见到我写的中文字？Isn't it amazing? hahaha. Anyways i just wanted 2 post a quick post. Its been like a month or soething hasn't it? Hahahah, so halloweens coming up and that means my b-day is coming up too. Yup yup. I'm being little red riding hood this year. I finished my costume today but i'm not sure how it looks. Hahah i got stuck in it yesterday cuz i took in too much. I hope it looks decent when i put it on. hahaha
But MAN was I having a horrible past month. Too much work, and too much school. I had so much trouble sleeping. har, but I think i'm better now. i think i'm doing much better about him too... hahah i'm such a silly little girl. I dont even know why I care so much about what he thinks about me. I've never cared before. But yeah. I think, as iris told me, i'm just infatuated with him right now. Because... he opens doors for me, hes tall, he speaks like 2 different languages, and... aaaah geez zhou minger get over him already. his plans for the weekend are *to get laid*. What does that say about the type of guy he is? he is totally not your type and you know that, you told yourself in china. stupid why dont i ever heed my own advice?

eeeeeerggggh

Why is this STILL happening to me. Especially at this point in time? Its been... like freakin' TWO MONTHS. And i still haven't gotten past that obsessive stage yet? Get it in your fucking head you idiot. He. Doesn't. Like. You. 他。不。喜。欢。你。I keep on saying it to myself, and i keep thinking that it's finally sunk in, but all it takes is just one tiny thought and bam, i'm crazy again. aaaarg. I JUST....i just want him to leave me alone.... so that I can finish getting over him. But then.... i dont want to just stop seeing him as a friend either.... but then, i dont know if i can see him as just a friend either..... aaaaaaaarg. fucking craig all over again. Why couldn't you worry about me or ask me whats wrong sometimes you fucking asshole, because maybe then i would finally tell you that its you that makes me sad.

i just have on thing left to say....

....thank you....
I wrote a confession yesterday. And i debated sending it or not. I opted not to. and i'm grateful....i guess. I still woulda liked to have gotten it off my chest. But whatever. So there was a China crew reunion today. A lot of people went, and I was happy to see everyone. I sat with 'him'.....yeah. I never know what to say. But it was okay. I found out....that... he has a new girlfriend.... Unng yeaaaah........ Haha, i'm actually doing pretty okay. I think I'm doing better now that I know too.... I can stop thinking about him now. haha. Because I dont go for guys that aren't single.... for obvious reasons. haha...... But yeah.... I'm glad i found out....
is it still wrong if I ask for that Scratchy doll he won for me though? ....*sigh*....

One day I will send this to you, instead of keeping it bottled up inside.

This is the day where you discover that Corinna is crazy
I'm getting overwhelmed with stuff right now and this is one of the things that has been bothering me for the longest time now. I honestly dont even know where to start....
For the first 2 weeks in China, i bet I didn't even know your name and honestly we didn't even really talk till maybe the last few weeks.... So I dont even understand why it bothers me this much. When I got back to Canada and seen you sent me an email I was really happy. I have absolutley no idea why. Okay. No. thats a lie. I was happy because I liked you a little, and was surprised that you wanted to have coffee. Those next few days in BC before i got back to Edmonton I started to worry because.... I'm weird. I often don't know what to say or how to act around people, and I'm akwardly goofy. I was worried that what has always happened to me was going to happen again. Every single person who's every asked me out for coffee or lunch or whatever ends up meeting me for 2 hours, discovers I'm crazy, and never talks to me again. I'm not even exaggerating that part. Its really degrading, and it makes me feel worthless. It hurts because people think that after a couple hours they've discovered all they have to know about me, lable me a ditz and deem it uneccessary to waste anymore time on me. I hate it when people who dont know me think they can judge me and not take me seriously, and proceed to stop talking to me.But for some stupid reason, I thought that you wouldn't do that. I actually thought that i did a decent job of being not-weird, and that you knew me well enough beforehand to be okay. But as I have learned in life, assumptions suck. I dont understand what I do that makes people ignore me. And its the worst feeling in the world to be ignored.
Please dont get me wrong, i'm not trying 2 guilt trip you, because i hope those weren't your intentions. You at least semi-stuck around for me to send you this email. Which like I said, is just one of the things that has been keeping me up at night, wandering around downtown till I dont know where i am anymore, and I need to get it off my chest.

I stand in the distance, and watch as the world passes me by. No one notices my silence. No one notices my depression. The world stops for no one. Especially not you. Not for this useless little girl.

whoop whoop

My blog page isn't loading very well so I dont know if this entry is going to work or not. BUT, i just want to comment on the outcome of this week. The sun started to shine right after Monday. yup yup. It was good. After making some good tips monday night, I came home to find out that classes didn't start till WEDNESDAY. yaaaah, that was all good. Wednesday was nice too as commented about last entry. Heehee, i was just happy because he called. I deactivated my facebook account like 2 weeks ago and I havent' talked 2 him since. But so yeah it was really unexpected that he called. Haha yeaaah i know-iknow, i wasn't the first person he called, but it still made me happy. Hahaha, i'm a silly girl. And then today I seen a big portion of the china crew! So happy. Kerlih and Cynthia are in my Premodern Chinese Literature class. Simon's in my China 301, class, and I seen Summer, followed by Tracy and Shane, followed by Tuylynn at the bookstore today. Hee hee, i get so happy when i see all those guys. *sniff sniff* Makes me happy. Hahaha, i might get to have lunches with you-know-who on thursdays too, since we are both on campus for like 4 hours. haha weeeee. yaaaay!!. Hah i'm such a little girl.
....however....I'm just a little bit scared now....whatever goes up always comes down right....aiya... scaring me now really. Several really good happy high energy days, followed by several low unhappy depressing days..... nooooo....

First day of school.

Hey-yo. Today was the first day of classes. It went pretty smooth. My first class was at 2p. Art History 212. I actually knew somebody in there! And i think the class sounds pretty neat too. So i dont think i'll drop that one. yeh-yeah. Hahaha, i actually thought that classes started on Tuesday. Hahah on Monday i was DEVASTATED. I had to close at kyoto that day...as a WAITRESS. hahah I wanted 2 go home so bad, and everyone kept on telling me i had all these side jobs to do. I left at 11pm and i actually ran home. Hahaha. Then i was talking to some friends and they informed me that class didnt start tuesday it started wednesday. It was the greatest day of my life. Hahaha. I celebrated by going to Kingsway and buying a sweater, and then going to Staples and buying some notebooks and pencils. (and thus completing my school supply shopping) Funny cuz my sweater cost more than my supplies. Hahahah. But yeah. I'm super glad class started today instead. I felt more prepared. I woke up and slowly (key word slowly) got ready, and ate breakfast, then WALKED to campus. Amazing. yup yup yup! Tomorrow however....egads. THREE back to back to back hour and a half classes. What the crap was i thinking? Then i have a night class from 6 30 till 9 30. I think that one should be fun though, I'm actually kinda looking forward to that one. yeee-haw....no wait, i hsouldn't say that....anytime i say i'm looking forward to something, that forward turns into backwards.... yeah i'll say that. i'm looking backwards to my night class.... gawd its going to be horrible isn't it. I also got an unexpected phone call from somebody today. Hahah, totally caught me off guard. But it was a nice end to a decent day.... MINUS THE SCARY DREAM I HAD.... goodness i just remembered it. I dreamt that someone close to me drove off a cliff and i partially witnessed it.... and actually now that i think about it...a few weeks ago i dreamt a friend walked up to me and shot me in the ribs...... GEEZUS whats wrong with me????

only got it for you, you know....

So i deactived my facebook account today. Its been bringing me down. Facebook really isn't for me, espcially considering how i'm one of those people who can turn into an obsessive stalker. Which is what happened. Stupid guy. *go get facebook, go get facebook, go get facebook* he says. I go and get facebook. And then what does he do? stops talking to me. Yeah it got pretty bad. I would start reading everything that he would do, and look at all his pictures, and when he would reply to other people and not me, it started making me depressed. And i would see msgs from his friends talking about how he would make out with random girls at clubs. It made me cry. Like i said, i thought he was different. Pretty bad. And pretty stupid considering that hes nothing to me nor am i anything to him...so why should he care about me.... right? *sigh* hurts so much. Why did he even try to start anything if he wasn't serious. i FUCKIN HATE that.... I think maybe i've been working too many back to back 12 hour shifts too, which made it seem that much worse. So 4 days ago right after i got off work i forbid myself from going on facebook. And i actually went cold turkey. 4 days straight of not going to stalk him. And today i went to deactivate my account, and no surprise but no one msged me at all. Its just a sign right......
*siiigh* You remind me of craig all over again, only this time i actually know that your still alive, and talking to everyone but me.....

4:11 AM. Monday August 27.

Lets count and see how many days till the next time i start crying again.
I need help, and i need it bad. Its hurting really bad right now because i feel like everyone is underestimating my problems. I feel like no one is taking me serious. I've said this before, and i'll pray for it this time maybe. I wish that one day soon, something bad will happen to me. I'll hurt myself so bad that people will finally realize that i'm 'not' okay. And finally someone will take me seriously.

things just never change.

I dunno what i was thinking when i thought that maybe you were different. But i guess i shoulda saw it coming. Lets face it. You're not. You're just like every other guy i've ever known. I always imagined that i'd be able to have some deep conversations w/ you because i thought you were that kinda person. I thought that finally i had found someone who would listen to the things i had to say, the things that i've never been able to tell anyone. But i was wrong. It was stupid of me to put that faith in you because really....you are no different. Your like everyone else. You judge me and you think you know everything about me just by a first meeting. I thought.... i thought in china, after 2 months maybe you woulda seen that. I thought you knew the type of person that i was and you were okay with that. When you wanted 2 see me again when i came back i was excited because i thought you were okay with me. But i was wrong. You did exactly the same thing that every other guys done. You based me on my looks, and when you found out that i wasn't exactly normal, you put up your wall and ignored me. It hurts. it really does. Its the thing that pains me the most when i fall for someone, and have that someone suddenly have a change of heart. Its happened too many times to me. You figured that i should be used to it by now. You make me so angry sometimes, and yet I still find myself thinking of you. I dont know why, and i really wish i could forget you. You say your different, but i find myself not believing you. I tell you that i need help...and you tell me that i dont need help. i tell you i'm in troulbe and that i'm not normal. and you tell me that i'm normal. YOU DONT FUCKING TELL SOMEONE THAT. normal is NOT crying yourself to sleep at night. normal is NOT cutting your wrists so that the pain takes your mind of crying. You say you've been there before SO HELP ME. dont ignore me like nothings the matter with me. Theres so many obvious signs that i put out, and no-one ever clues in on them. I really thought that i had finally found someone who i could finally open up to. You're such a fucking hypocrite. Everything you say and do contradicts everything. You say your tired from working, but you go out and party every night. You say you used to be suicidal, i dont see any sign of that. You say you've never slept with a girl you never knew before, and yet you go out and make out with random girls just because. FUCK, everytime i think of you it makes me upset. I dont know what the hell happened within this month. I wish you didn't kiss me in beijing, because obviously you didn't mean it. i KNEW that me and you were too different to ever be friends, so WHY didn't i listen? why did you have to go and do it... Supposidly we have a lot in common but you never notice that, you never try to find out.
Why.... why do guys i like always do this to me....

Bring on the Depression Baby

So, its been almost exactly 20 days since coming back to Etown, and within those 20 days i have already succeeded in crying so hard that i resorted to cutting myself to make it stop.
Dear God, I don't know why I do what I do, but if you could make me stop, please do..... soon. I really should've wrote this entry earlier because I've been holding this in for a really really long time now. I've hated coming back to Edmonton. I know I'm contradicting what I said like 6 entries ago but, I realize now. The first day when i was in Shanghai, I cried because I felt really isolated and I didn't know anyone. But once I got to HZ i realized that everyone else was basically on the same page as me. Everyone was far away from home, and everyone was basically living on their own by themselves w/o family and out of their comfort zone. For possibly the first time in a long long time i felt on par w/ everyone else. I wasn't constantly reminded that i live in a household where my pain is ignored and i'm treated like i'm invisible. For 60 days I lived with the same 21 students. I got up w/ them, went 2 class with them, went shopping with them and ate breakfast, lunch and dinner with them. I really hate being by myself because I can't do anything but think of what a disgrace I am. In HZ all that seemed to dissappear. I slept well, ate well and I laughed well. I was really sad when everyone went there seperate ways in Beijing and then I got really nervous about going to HK by myself. I hadn't seen my uncles in like.... 10 years and I was worried how we'd interact. But.... they really surprised me, the treated me just like a normal family member. And like.... they helped me with so much stuff. They carried all my luggage and bags and ANYTHING that i was holding at the time. fuck, in Edmonton I carry my own shit no matter how heavy it is. I just wasn't used to all this friendly help. And when it came time to leave HK i really REALLY didn't want to leave my uncles behind. People seriously NEVER help me and i was fine w/ it. Until I got back to edmonton. Like it wasn't even a gradual adjustment. First MINTUE i got back into Edmonton I was bombarded with my *loving family*. No one was at the airport to pick me up. No one could make it. I had to take a bus back home. And like I really should've been fine with that, but it turns out I wasn't. It was just too much of a drastic change. 2 months of being normal and okay and helped out, and then bam, an hour later your back to on your own again. I come home and NOTHING has changed. nobody asked me how was my trip, or said they missed me or acknowledged my existence. It was pretty hard. Everyone I knew was glad to be finally going *home*...except me. I didn't really have anything at home to look forward to....

Yeah, yeah me like that

....Sooo this is the 2nd time I've had to write this entry, because I somehow clicked a button and my post got lost. And the stupid auto save, saved right after my post was gone so it saved an empty post.... gotdamn.

But anyways. Isn't this picture beautiful??? Its a street in Hangzhou (aka HZ)... It woulda been more beautiful if that lady in the bottom left hand corner wasn't looking into the depths of my camera.... that dirty lady. But yeah.... oh HZ, i'm gonna miss you too.

But anyums. Today is Monday.... got a long ways to go till Saturday.... whats so special about saturday?? haha oh nothing.... tee hee. Hahaha. A bunch of ppl from the zhejiang group are going clubbing on saturday for T's b-day... and oh... someone might be there. hahahah i'm becoming obsessive aren't i? hahah Whaaat i've done worse before. Hmm... what else did i mention in that blog entry. Oh i remember i mentioned that when i was in HK i got my palm read. Hahaha. i love that crap. It said that.... this year i had a good school year (which i did, 3 A's baby!!) but this coming school year is gonna be a struggle (say WHAAA??) and also my immediate family is also supposed 2 get some sicknesses... oh dear. I'm also supposed 2 start having problems w/ my stomache... which is bad since i already DO have problems w/ my stomache. Um.... i think i'm missing one part.... minus the part about my love life... hahah i'll keep that to myself for now. mwa hahaa.

Um... starting work 2morrow, which is tuesday. Hopefully work will make the week go faster... why? i do not know. After all i only have one month left before... GASP classes start again.... *sigh*. Oh saturday.... i dont want to set my hopes up to high for saturday just in case all does NOT go well... but yeah i get to see my mutual coffee friend again. hahah i have to find him a shorter nickname. Welp this post looks to be about the same length that it originally was so i'll wrap it up. Lets hope that i dont delete it again!

Hohohoh

Thats all i can manage for my entry title today folks. words have left my mind. hahah. I went for a.... mutual coffee date today. Tee hee. It actually went quite well I'll say. I actually didn't have to call iris before hand and set up a fall back plan. Le sigh, where to start where to start. So, whilest in China i made like 21 new friends. haha some are mutual *hi* friends, and others are closer *gossip* friends, and then theres one friend that i never saw coming. Theres always guys that i think are goodlooking, and i like them a lot upon first meeting. But then after getting to know them for a while i start to pick up little quirks that i find annoying. This happened in china, and by the end of the 2 months all of the guys just turned into normal mutual friends. *except* for one guy. The opposite actually happened. I thought he was okay looking in the beginning, and then over time i just started liking his personality. And his quirky laugh, haha its so loud. And it was actually on again off again liking. Cuz i didn't think me and him would get along. *Until* the very last night in Beijing. One of the main things that he did that was the real kicker was that he kinda watched out for me.... yeah, i mentioned in a previous post that id like to meet a guy who would watch out for me/ stand up for me if i got in trouble. And at the club this guy smashed a bottle right behind me and it looked liek a fight was gonna break out, and my friend just stood up and stood in front of me to make sure i didn't get injured.... (swoon) hahaha. Can't see J doing that for me. And then we ended up dancing together pretty much all night. And then the next day he left for Canada.... sigh. I thought i'd never see him again. hahah UNTIL i got to BC and discovered that he somehow got my email addy, and sent me a msg asking me out for coffee!! (mutual drink people, mutual drink) Hahaha, anyways we went out for coffee today. It was much MUCH better than my blind date w/ cement man. Aaaah hes such a gentleman, haha he opened all the doors for me!! I've NEVER had someone do that for me, so yeah it was kinda akward... but sweet. tee hee. Um... some random things to mention, when i was talking w/ 4th uncle in HK i was telling him why i didn't go for a guy like J, and i mentioned something like. *one of the most important things i look for in a guy is manners*.... ironically look what i stumbled upon... hohoh. But yeah, it was just a mutual coffee w/ a friend.... i think. I like him though, hahah i dunno if he likes me..... sigh, why can't i read minds?!????

day one back in edmonton

Hey freaky-cakes,
how's my fellow non-existant viewers been? As titled its my first official morning back in Edmonton. And i guess maybe i am still jet lagged. Especially seeing as its 9 20AM and i've already done 2 loads of laundry. If this were normal C-dawg i'd still be in bed dreaming i've finished my landry. but anyums. i guess it feels good to be home.... i guess.... China was nice. It was *a LOT* more fun than i was expecting. The first 2 days in Shanghai weren't a great start, I actually cried on the bus.... haha i'm a pussy. But i was really sad that none of my friends were there and i didn't really know anyone. But it got a lot better in Hangzhou. Oh HZ i'm actually gonna miss you. It was really nice living in such close proximity with those 22 guys. Having to live in the same building, go to the same classroom, do the same stuff for 2 months really makes those guys grow on you. I woulda liked it a lot more if Iris or Cathy or another close friend was on the trip too, but ah, i dont have any regrets about going. yeaaaah. hahaha. I'm actually pretty close to unpacking everything. Theres only a few odds and ends lying around on the floor, but aside from that my 2months worth of purchases are almost completely put away. yeaaaaah. i basically horded up on socks, and swarovski beads, and (typically) shoes. hahah i didn't actually buy that many shoes. I chose my shoes very carefully, i'm not a horder like Tiff. haha
Um... HK was equally as fun. I was actually sad to leave. I was really worried that I wouldn't know what to say to my gramma and my uncles, but my uncles are the greatest. hahah. One of the first questions they asked me was *so ming-ming......do you have a boyfriend :D* hahaha. I'm surprised i didn't gain 50 pounds w/ my 6 meals a day. Basically every day for a week. I'd wake up at 10AM, and i'd have breakfast w/ my gramma. then my 3rd uncle would get off work, and he'd take me out shopping for a bit, then i would eat lunch w/ him at 12. Then at 2pm, my 4th uncle would get off work, and i would go and have lunch w/ him. and THEN at 4pm, my 5th uncle would get off work....and i would have lunch with him. Then finally, we'd have supper around 7ish.... dear lord. the food the food. hahaha. Anyums i'm gonna go and check up on my laundry before taking a nap. hahah oh naps, how i missed you.

Yo dawgs first post back in Canada

Whooo-wee its been a super long time hasn't it? Oh how i've missed you blog. *smack* This is gonna be a quick quick post because i haven't sleep in like 30+ hours. and am kinda suffering from jet lag. But china was pretty decent. I had a bad start and 2 bad days near the end but all in all it was pretty decent. I'm glad i went. I had a good time in Hangzhou and i had a good time in Hong Kong, and.... i had a good night in Beijing too... tee hee. Hahaha. okay thats all i'm gonna put for now, I'll have some recaps later when i get back into edmonton alrighty.

3:04AM

That is the time right now, as I sit and wait till its time to go to the airport.... Sigh, I dunno whether or not its because Im extremely tired, but i'm just NOT excited to go on this trip. Which is ironically *bad* considering I'm gonna be gone for 2 months.... Jeeeeezoos. I just hope It'll be better when I get there, and that I'll be able to think positively, and not get homesick. Gaaaaah. I just wish at least one of my friends was going that way I wouldn't feel so lonely. Poo-urns. Anyhoo, I guess I'm all finished packing. My suitcase is a bit heavier than I expected. I hope its not too heavy.... I swear I only packed essentials..... well... okay so thats a lie. Hahah. I'm just that girl who always thinks of eveyrhitn that she could possibly need, and packs it. Hey C, you have a bandage? (yup), scissors (yup), swiss cheese (yup), a one legged dog named ponkey? (......its in my other bag). Hahaha one of these days....Ung. Anyways I should probably go to bed and take a nap or something. Oh sigh. I just wish I could get a little more excited about this trip. I'm not even the least bit happy. The only reason i get nervous is because I'm worried i forgot something. Gaaah, i nkow so many people who would kill for an opportunity like this, and here i am... not wanting to go....
Bah, i just hope that everything will seem better when i get there.
3:14 AM (fastest post ever)

A picture, finally!

Yo all this is Quinto. I made him while i was busy *packing* Hahaha, I made it for my Gramma in HK, whom as my mom tells me, Loves sparkly things. Hahaha oh gramma so this is where i got my genes from.

Ho hum. Anyways I should be packing, but i've been packing for the past week. I think i should take a break. Hahaha, I'm taking a break by playing microsoft Hearts. I seem to sometimes be really good, and then i seem to sometimes suck... really bad. Hahah its a curse.

Blarg, so i'm going to China on Sunday. Getting a little nervous. I'm starting to have some bad dreams. Hahaha. *sigh* I'm gonna get homesick. Boo-urns. I really really wished that my family, or at least my mom woulda went back to HK with me. Cuz i'm really worried about meeting my uncles and gramma. I haven't seen them for such a long time I'm worried its gonna be really awkward. Sigh, it also makes me sad that I'm thinking about that, even considering that they are family and all. Blaargh.... yessum.

But anyways keep in touch on this blog as i intend to have a travel-blog to show off all my pic-a-tures, of all the pretty places I'm going to.... or also of child slavery... sigh. It'll be a new blog site for sure, because I plan on keepting this one a *secret* blog where i just vent. Yessum thats all for now. Next time i post it'll prolly b in the C-H of INA.

T-minus 4 days till China ladies and gents.

Hoh-yah
So the big days almost here ya'll. I dont rememember if I mentioned it in my previous entries or not seeing as I haven't posted anything in like 2 months hahah, but....so I'm going to China... yeaaaah. Hahaha i'm going for 2 months. Ugh its gonna be an uber long time. I've never been away from *home* for that long of a period of time. Unnng. what to do what to do. I'm just a little sad because I dont know anyone who will be going. Unlike all my other previous trips I wont have a best friend with me. My roomate is kinda... I dunno she's like me in a way but worse. Shes friendly I guess but like... she won't wait up for me or something if I stop and talk to a friend even though she knows we take the train together. So it kinda bothers me and I guess i'm thinking that, ....ah i dunno what am I saying I dont know the girl so i shouldn't judge. vreh.
So yeah 2 months w/o friends. In a country where I dont know my way around, am the size of a monster, and can barely speak the language. siiigh.

And then I'm going to HK to visit my mom's side of the family. I dunno why this bothers me too. But like I'm worried i'm gonna put on a bad impression, cuz theres the language barrier again. And i'm worried I wont know what to say, they'll think i'm stupid, i wont have anything to do, they'll think i'm stuck up.... aaaaall that fun loving stuff. *sigh* Hopefully it will be better when I get there. Aaaand I'm kinda tired now so i'm gonna call it a night. I keep on trying to post up pictures but my internet is to friggen slow to let me. Geeezoos