It's been just over half a year since I started seeing Coleston.
I first hooked up with him in late May I think it was. I really liked him. He had so much patience for me. And it started getting easier and easier to trust him because he would always message me back. If I got mad it wouldn't matter.
I don't know what went wrong.....
Well... I do.
He's a bad person. He has good intentions.... but he's such a hypocrite. Towards the last little bit we started getting into arguments more and more often. And when I tried to do some problem solving and damage control..... He always got really defenisve. And started blaming me, and would always say I am who I am, I'm not going to change for anyone. So.... So I changed for him. I said I was okay with him sleeping around. It didn't really bother me because he never told me about anyone else. And he was still good company. But then.... sex started not being so fun anymore. It was just the same thing over and over. I would go over, he would ask for a blow job, and then that lead to sex. Never did any foreplay for me. I mean.... in the beginning I did say I didn't like guys going down on me. But .... like a finger wouldn't hurt right?
Around October I started hinting that my birthday was coming up. But he never asked. Finally I just flat out told him. And he said HBD only because I told him my birthday is today. I told him I wanted to go on a road trip and have sex and do drugs. I didn't think it was a lot to ask..... but to this day we never did any of those things. Or anything that I wanted to do really. It was just all about him. Whenever he wanted sex or didn't want it. The first time we argued and I was ready to call it quits, the reason I came back was because he told me 'If you aren't happily coming over and taking my dick night after night, then something has gone terribly wrong.' And so we kinda sorta worked things out. But it never lasted very long. The last argument that we had I told him I wasn't happy and wanted to have a talk to try and work things out. He ignored me. 4 times. Just kept on pretending like I didn't say anything, hoping I would forget. Like a puppy. And I started to get mad and upset. I started realizing how he only wanted things for himself. He didn't care if I was unhappy as long as I came over to sex. It started getting painful because I wasn't turned on half the time. And I just wanted him to make me happy again. But I'm not.
We didn't talk for almost 2 weeks. Missed Christmas. On New Years Eve I was out and about running errands when he send me a text message. 'Happy Holidays, Lover. Hope you are having a good week'. I told him I missed him and Sasha. That I just wanted to talk to him for 5 minutes then we could go home and have make up sex.
His reply:
I have 2 ladies coming over tonight to do molly and play strip poker.
And.....
So.... I'm done.
I don't want to be in your life anymore. I wanted to do those things with you and you knew it. And you just said that to rub in my face.
I'm done getting hurt by you.
I'll miss you, but I don't want someone like you in my life anymore either.
Wednesday, January 02, 2019
When you least expect it
Shit will blow your mind away.
It's been a few months since I last posted something. I went on a couple trips and am feeling better. I've been on Tinder for probably a year or two now and yeaaaaaah I know, Tinder is not the best place to look for guys.... I was talking to someone I really really liked, probably the first 2 weeks I got Tinder and we had a lot in common and I liked talking to him. But, he called in sick last minute during the first 2 times we were supposed to meet up and it made me really really really mad. I think now, that I probably over-reacted but at the time I was like wtf!!! Couldn't have told me like a few hours before? Had to tell me absolutely last minute? Anyways, that didn't go so well and he stopped talking to me.... :(
I talked to a couple more guys and we just didn't have very much chemistry at all. Second most recent guy I thought was kinda cute, and he really really liked talking to me, and wanted to meet up pretty fast. I wasn't feeling sociable but just said yes because I started to feel guilty. Bad idea because I was not prepared to meet a guy who talked so much. Wowsers. I mean, it was nice because he always had something to say, but wow, he always had something to say. Anyways, after that date, he asked for my phone number and I was not excited to give it to him at all. But I did, and I think he could tell I wasn't interested because we texted for a couple days and then he stopped talking to me as well. His favorite ice cream was Triple Vanilla, guys.....
So yeah. Everything has been kind of a bust. No B, Brother still lives with me. It's been a real drag. A few weeks ago, in fact, before I went to Toronto. I got super super mad at T (what else is usual). This guy is just such a bad roommate. Or at least I think so. I find it so hard to live with him sometimes that I just hate coming home. For the most part, its just that the condo has gotten so messy and things aren't where I would like them to be (its my condo!!!!!) and the routine I was so used to is so different. Anyways, a few weeks ago I. slept over at my place. I had to go to the studio for a fitting and then I came back to the condo and T wanted to go do groceries. In the car I asked if we could go get something to eat first because I and I hadn't eaten all day and I was hungry. He replied that he would go after groceries because he had to go to work at 7pm. IT WAS 3PM. So he drove straight to the grocery store like I didn't just say I was hungry. I was really really flipping mad (and not just hangry). So. After groceries and I had a bite to eat.....
I did what any normal person would do.
I messaged a guy on Tinder that had been talking to me on and off again/ asking me to come over all the time, even though I wasn't exactly showing a lot of interest.
I messaged him, he invited me over for dinner at his house. I went over. And we had sex 3 times that night.
Sex and he made me candlelit dinner !
I wasn't really expecting anything much, after because it was Tinder. He didn't even know my last name and legit we were naked within the first 10 minutes I got into his place. But, it's been.... 3 weeks I think, and we are still talking to each other, and he's actually a very very sweet guy. I think he likes me outside of his bed.
Yesterday was the first time I saw him after I came back from Toronto, and it had probably been about 2 weeks. He messaged me a couple times after I got back to say he had missed me (and I was like hah, yeah right, okay). I went over around 7pm, played with his dogs. Then we had sex. He made me dinner (spaghetti with meat sauce, which I surprisingly liked because I don't like tomato sauce at all), then we quickly made it over to Yelo'd just before they closed to try the ice cream I've been talking about since the first day I went over. Got back and we uh.... got high. It made me really really sleepy at first and I thought that was going to be it. But he told me that's how the stuff works, I would get really sleepy and then it would kick in and either I would be a zombie if we didn't do anything or we'd just have sex all night long. And the latter is what happened. Around midnight I got up and he stopped playing his video game and sat down on the couch with me and we made out for a bit before having sex pretty hard on the couch. We went into the bedroom and told me 'You get really thirsty from this, so remember to drink lots of water'. Cuddled for a bit and then I totally started to feel everything kick in, and had sex again. Body was starting to feel super numb but I felt so happy. Like I was just lying in bed smiling while he went out for a smoke. He came back and I was super happy to see him and told him, and also said thanks for the drugs (facepalm) and he said thanks for being willing to try them. Had sex again. It was weird (for me) because I'm a bit of a screamer, but on the drugs it was super calm and the kisses were long and sweet. When he came back the second time I just snuggled with him and traced my hands and fingers on his back, arms, chest face etc etc. Everything felt intensified. I asked him how long this would last and he said 'A long time. That's how it works. You kinda go up and down and up and back down. We're about halfway through now'. Snuggled some more and then had sex again. Every time before he went out he brought me a cup of water and told me to drink and this last time when he came back he told me that I would probably start to feel a little bit antsy but it was normal. And so I just laid in bed and hallucinated for like 2 hours. By around 5am I started to feel sleepy and dozed off. Actually I had a really really really good sleep. Like the best sleep I've had in years. It was really nice. Around noon, the guy finally woke up (partially because I had to leave) and he drove me back home. He told me, sometimes a side effect is you get a really big drop in serotonin, so you might feel a little down later, but don't worry it's just temporary okay. And. I just thought it was nice that he kinda kept me in the loop/ no surprises. He also opened the door for me when we went for Starbucks that morning. (I pay attention to this stuff!). I think he's starting to grow on me.....
But.... he has several very bad vices (Vices like I don't think I will tell anybody because they are such red flags). Oh god, what am I doing. If I just don't think or find out, it's all great right?
Right?
I think he was previously married, and I think he usually sees more than one girl (or at least has sex with) at a time. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, C????
God, this is such a bad idea. He is really really nice though, and super thoughtful and yeah okay the sex is pretty effing amazing..... but.... I think my hearts gonna hurt when I find out about the other girls.....
It's been a few months since I last posted something. I went on a couple trips and am feeling better. I've been on Tinder for probably a year or two now and yeaaaaaah I know, Tinder is not the best place to look for guys.... I was talking to someone I really really liked, probably the first 2 weeks I got Tinder and we had a lot in common and I liked talking to him. But, he called in sick last minute during the first 2 times we were supposed to meet up and it made me really really really mad. I think now, that I probably over-reacted but at the time I was like wtf!!! Couldn't have told me like a few hours before? Had to tell me absolutely last minute? Anyways, that didn't go so well and he stopped talking to me.... :(
I talked to a couple more guys and we just didn't have very much chemistry at all. Second most recent guy I thought was kinda cute, and he really really liked talking to me, and wanted to meet up pretty fast. I wasn't feeling sociable but just said yes because I started to feel guilty. Bad idea because I was not prepared to meet a guy who talked so much. Wowsers. I mean, it was nice because he always had something to say, but wow, he always had something to say. Anyways, after that date, he asked for my phone number and I was not excited to give it to him at all. But I did, and I think he could tell I wasn't interested because we texted for a couple days and then he stopped talking to me as well. His favorite ice cream was Triple Vanilla, guys.....
So yeah. Everything has been kind of a bust. No B, Brother still lives with me. It's been a real drag. A few weeks ago, in fact, before I went to Toronto. I got super super mad at T (what else is usual). This guy is just such a bad roommate. Or at least I think so. I find it so hard to live with him sometimes that I just hate coming home. For the most part, its just that the condo has gotten so messy and things aren't where I would like them to be (its my condo!!!!!) and the routine I was so used to is so different. Anyways, a few weeks ago I. slept over at my place. I had to go to the studio for a fitting and then I came back to the condo and T wanted to go do groceries. In the car I asked if we could go get something to eat first because I and I hadn't eaten all day and I was hungry. He replied that he would go after groceries because he had to go to work at 7pm. IT WAS 3PM. So he drove straight to the grocery store like I didn't just say I was hungry. I was really really flipping mad (and not just hangry). So. After groceries and I had a bite to eat.....
I did what any normal person would do.
I messaged a guy on Tinder that had been talking to me on and off again/ asking me to come over all the time, even though I wasn't exactly showing a lot of interest.
I messaged him, he invited me over for dinner at his house. I went over. And we had sex 3 times that night.
Sex and he made me candlelit dinner !
I wasn't really expecting anything much, after because it was Tinder. He didn't even know my last name and legit we were naked within the first 10 minutes I got into his place. But, it's been.... 3 weeks I think, and we are still talking to each other, and he's actually a very very sweet guy. I think he likes me outside of his bed.
Yesterday was the first time I saw him after I came back from Toronto, and it had probably been about 2 weeks. He messaged me a couple times after I got back to say he had missed me (and I was like hah, yeah right, okay). I went over around 7pm, played with his dogs. Then we had sex. He made me dinner (spaghetti with meat sauce, which I surprisingly liked because I don't like tomato sauce at all), then we quickly made it over to Yelo'd just before they closed to try the ice cream I've been talking about since the first day I went over. Got back and we uh.... got high. It made me really really sleepy at first and I thought that was going to be it. But he told me that's how the stuff works, I would get really sleepy and then it would kick in and either I would be a zombie if we didn't do anything or we'd just have sex all night long. And the latter is what happened. Around midnight I got up and he stopped playing his video game and sat down on the couch with me and we made out for a bit before having sex pretty hard on the couch. We went into the bedroom and told me 'You get really thirsty from this, so remember to drink lots of water'. Cuddled for a bit and then I totally started to feel everything kick in, and had sex again. Body was starting to feel super numb but I felt so happy. Like I was just lying in bed smiling while he went out for a smoke. He came back and I was super happy to see him and told him, and also said thanks for the drugs (facepalm) and he said thanks for being willing to try them. Had sex again. It was weird (for me) because I'm a bit of a screamer, but on the drugs it was super calm and the kisses were long and sweet. When he came back the second time I just snuggled with him and traced my hands and fingers on his back, arms, chest face etc etc. Everything felt intensified. I asked him how long this would last and he said 'A long time. That's how it works. You kinda go up and down and up and back down. We're about halfway through now'. Snuggled some more and then had sex again. Every time before he went out he brought me a cup of water and told me to drink and this last time when he came back he told me that I would probably start to feel a little bit antsy but it was normal. And so I just laid in bed and hallucinated for like 2 hours. By around 5am I started to feel sleepy and dozed off. Actually I had a really really really good sleep. Like the best sleep I've had in years. It was really nice. Around noon, the guy finally woke up (partially because I had to leave) and he drove me back home. He told me, sometimes a side effect is you get a really big drop in serotonin, so you might feel a little down later, but don't worry it's just temporary okay. And. I just thought it was nice that he kinda kept me in the loop/ no surprises. He also opened the door for me when we went for Starbucks that morning. (I pay attention to this stuff!). I think he's starting to grow on me.....
But.... he has several very bad vices (Vices like I don't think I will tell anybody because they are such red flags). Oh god, what am I doing. If I just don't think or find out, it's all great right?
Right?
I think he was previously married, and I think he usually sees more than one girl (or at least has sex with) at a time. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, C????
God, this is such a bad idea. He is really really nice though, and super thoughtful and yeah okay the sex is pretty effing amazing..... but.... I think my hearts gonna hurt when I find out about the other girls.....
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