So. Tired.

Trying to reach some goals for 2014.
I think I'm doing a pretty good job~
Doing a lot, a lot A LOT better this month. Happier, heart doesn't feel heavy. It's good to be normal again :)
Anyhow, I've FINALLY started my home reno's. Finally. I'm sooooo happy right now that things are in motion. Laminate is in, and they are starting the tile and kitchen right now. Everything is a huge effing mess, but I'm very happy. Not to foot the bill, but it'll be worth it. The stressful part now is tracking down all the stuff for them. Washer and Dryer, Cabinets, 2 Bathroom Vanities, a Kitchen Sink....... The first 2 are giving me a bit of stress right now. Not having a vehicle kinda slows things down too. But anyways. I'm hoping to pick up the washer and dryer tomorrow, have it delivered and installed by the end of the week. SO pumped to be able to wash a single underwear if I wanted to. Hah!

And of course. What's an entry without updating you all on my non-existent love life ! It's non-existent. But, I'm not sad actually. Supercrush and I are still talking. He is going out on dates again because he broke up with his girlfriend (?) and I messaged PBC. Yup. Hahaha, like a week after New Years. I don't feel bad. He messaged me back anyways ~ And so that was that. Everything negative seems to be out of my mind right now and I'm truly finding that everything is making me smile, and I'm happy about 90% of the time now. The only time I cried since mid-December was when my mom sent me a very dis-heartening message. It made me feel bad because she was pretty much saying if I wasn't myself I would be better. Anyways. I was sad for a few hours then I was okay again.

I've developed a new habit of taking photos of everything. Everything I see has a story I can think of, or something funny I can caption. Some of them are a hit. Some of them aren't. I dunno if its getting old or annoying, but my brain is always thinking and focusing, what do I see and what story can I tell. I think its fun anyways. Maybe shows how much I don't have a life, but it's giving me soemthing to do :p

But. I'm SUPER tired right now. It's only been a week since reno's started and I'm dead tired today. I'm sure I slipped into a coma last night and I hope I slip into one tonight too. (ps its only 9pm right now too)

What Goes Around Comes Around.

Karma's a Bitch isn't it, PBC.
Haha, kinds tipsy and creeped his FB wall and read he got locked and kicked out of the place he was renting. I didn't deal it but payback is so sweet!
Haha, sorry I sound like a jerk but it genuinely made me a bit happier just reading that.

Yes. No.

I don't know.

So.
I've been trying to write this entry almost all day today.
A little clarification on what happened on Saturday Night.
Super Crush has this nickname because when I first met him I had a massive, MASSIVE crush on him. I don't even know why. Or how! Anyways. I don't think he was ever that attracted to me, and I eventually started dating his 'best friend' and that was the end of that crush. I still call him that just out of habit. Ha-ha.

Anyways, I dated his best friend for a year and a half. He's been dating someone for about the same amount of time. I think I've always felt a small amount of guilt for causing him to lose all his friends. But, he's never blamed me, and he's put it past him. At least I think. In the end we are still friends.

Anyhow, his birthday was on Sunday. And he came over on Saturday night. He asks me if I'll be scared of him if he is high and I say I dont think so, then start drinking. And the previous entry happens.

Sometimes I laugh and scowl at how things turn out in my life. Then I think 'I'm sure this happens to everyone'. Missed Opportunities. Chances. By a Hair. Stuff like that. When I broke up with Michael I waited, and waited for him. I waited and eventually gave up and started looking again. Pretty much the following month that happened he called me up and said he wanted to try again. But I had already decided to move on and he wasn't in my heart anymore.
I was hoping that would happen again with Dave and then I would get the benefit of the doubt that he fucked up. But it didn't. Rumor has it he's seeing my doppleganger as well. I haven't decided if that makes me laugh or cringe.
Anyhow, I feel like almost the same thing happened on Saturday. But not quite. This was a bit more complex. I had a really big crush on Super Crush. Maybe he was joking, or I read it wrong when I thought he was gonna kiss me. But, I was pretty hung up on Dave, and then along came PBC and now I'm a bit hung up on him and so Super Crush kinda dropped off of my radar. How ironic :S
Anyways, the thought that went through my mind at that exact same moment wasn't the same as when Michael tried to stop me from leaving. When Michael grabbed my arm I said stop, and I knew I just didn't want too. When I walked away from Super Crush I just thought. 'I can't.' And didn't know what to do. Too much History between us? Also... he is still dating someone.... someone who as since temporarily moved back to another country. I dunno. All sounds pretty sleazy hey.... :(

Anyways. Another confusing day in the life of C. After that fiasco I think maybe he felt a bit weird. I couldn't tell. Maybe it was the Bailey's but I just felt like nothing had happened, while he kept kinda hinting at it.
We met on a dating website remember.
I didn't want anything to be awkward because of what just happened.
It was just so weird! I didn't expect that to happen at all ! I mean, at least with PBC I was like,
"Yeah, I know what your up to."
So it didn't surprise me at all when he pulled it.
But Super Crush?... why now.

Always after I've managed to move on and find my smile again....

Um....

So.......

Super Crush tried to kiss me today.......


Yeah. He was semi-celebrating his Birthday Weekend and asked if I wanted to go out. I said sure. Then he came over, sat on my couch and said 2 of the exact same lines that PBC said to me:
You should come sit down & We should watch Crazy Stupid Love.
Then he stood up and walked over really close and I got freaked out, said no and squished past.
I can't really recall the rest because I had a tiny bit to drink, but he said something like well we did meet on a dating website and I thought I was going to get a Birthday Kiss.
It's an incredibly odd feeling to be on the opposite side of the table this time.....