So, its been awhile since I last wrote an entry.
I've been trying to go out more, be it movies or dinner with friends, studio, or even clean the condo. Studio sales are actually going decent. It's making me back some spending money and definitely feel like I am doing better and better. I even made a shirt that I think has lots of potential !
Anyways, I'm still not 100%. It's really bugging me still that I'm not and I spend maybe 1/4 of my day thinking about him still.... or rather imagining what I would say if I saw his fat selfish face again. Yeah, I imagine conversations over and over and over again. So basically I still haven't forgiven myself. Not him. But myself. It wasn't all my fault. Not even close. But its not every minute any more. Maybe every few hours. So I'm doing a lot better. Yeah.
Anyhow main reason for this entry. This blog has always been like my diary. I write in it when bad things happen, and I write in it when good things happen. I haven't had a happy entry in a long time, so I'm sure it will be nice to read something more upbeat. Plus it boosted my confidence :)
So, has anyone ever had a day where they decide to wear something, and then regret it later on? I do that almost every day. On Sunday I decided to wear a pair of short shorts. It was a nice day and I said "I've lost weight, I can pull these off !" And then as the day progresses I start saying "MY THIGHS ARE WHITE AND JIGGLY I CAN'T BELIEVE I AM WEARING THESE" Finally at around 8pm I call it a day at the studio and start walking home. Jiggle Jiggle Jiggle. I finally get home and check my phone and I have one text from old super crush that simply read "Nice Legs". (For those who don't know, when I first met supercrush 2 years ago I had huuuuuge crush on him. Obviously he did not. Anyways, I've grown up and now we're decent friends, but of course there is always the notion that I used to like him.) Back on topic. I get a random text from him that says "Nice Legs". Uh, excuse me? He texts me back, and apparently he was driving by and totally checked me out because I was sporting some 'serious legs'. But the real kicker is: He didn't know even know it was me ! He said after he realized who he was checking out he shook his head and said "Aaaah Fuck". Made me smile super big. Hahaha, Ugly Duckling grows up :)
Anyways, it just made me feel happy, and kind of boosted my confidence. And just made me feel pretty again.
I know I say this at the end of every blog, but I think I'll be okay now......
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Healing
This post was sitting in my draft box for a few months. Not too sure why I never posted it, but I've gone and came back from London !!
Almost 3 months have past since I told Dave to leave me alone and almost 7 months have passed since I broke up with you. I broke up with you. You may have wanted to, but that doesn't matter because I was the one that had the balls to say it. I'm doing a lot better now. I'm still pretty mad, but I'm doing a lot better. Not gonna lie but I still secretly hope you'll message me one day and say Sorry. But I've at least gotten to the the point where I'm okay now because there is a very low chance of that happening. You're too stupid and selfish to think you did anything wrong.
I bake and cook a lot more now to kinda fill the void and I also am on Pintrest an awful lot. Hahah yeah. A lot. But anyways. I'm doing better. I sleep a bit better and don't wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks, but I do still have a little trouble staying asleep. I'm also going to London next week :) Thats big news. I really wanted to do something to feel brave an independant again and nothing does that like a solo trip to a country you've never been before. I decided about a month and a half ago that I wanted to go somewhere and I narrowed it down to San Francisco or London (how odd). I originally really wanted to go to San Fran but London seemed scarier and I knew I would feel better coming back from that trip. San Francisco reminded me of New York and as much as I wanted to go to their Chinatown and eat food and feel rich, I thought it was a very "safe" vacation. So I'll be hostel-ing it up in London. Haven't done much packing and research yet but I know I'm looking forward to the museums and markets. And of course food. The only downfall is Europe is pricy :S But, whatever, I that's what money is for, right?
Almost 3 months have past since I told Dave to leave me alone and almost 7 months have passed since I broke up with you. I broke up with you. You may have wanted to, but that doesn't matter because I was the one that had the balls to say it. I'm doing a lot better now. I'm still pretty mad, but I'm doing a lot better. Not gonna lie but I still secretly hope you'll message me one day and say Sorry. But I've at least gotten to the the point where I'm okay now because there is a very low chance of that happening. You're too stupid and selfish to think you did anything wrong.
I bake and cook a lot more now to kinda fill the void and I also am on Pintrest an awful lot. Hahah yeah. A lot. But anyways. I'm doing better. I sleep a bit better and don't wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks, but I do still have a little trouble staying asleep. I'm also going to London next week :) Thats big news. I really wanted to do something to feel brave an independant again and nothing does that like a solo trip to a country you've never been before. I decided about a month and a half ago that I wanted to go somewhere and I narrowed it down to San Francisco or London (how odd). I originally really wanted to go to San Fran but London seemed scarier and I knew I would feel better coming back from that trip. San Francisco reminded me of New York and as much as I wanted to go to their Chinatown and eat food and feel rich, I thought it was a very "safe" vacation. So I'll be hostel-ing it up in London. Haven't done much packing and research yet but I know I'm looking forward to the museums and markets. And of course food. The only downfall is Europe is pricy :S But, whatever, I that's what money is for, right?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)