I talked to anybody and everybody that I could talk to yesterday that wouldn't think I was bat-shit crazy. The last person I talked to was my studiomate and confidant, G. It's funny because everytime I talk to her about a boy she always shakes her head and laughs at me. (Just like I shake my head and laugh at N). She most likely does this because she thinks I'm making a big deal over nothing. And at first I was kinda upset. I don't think she understood how flipping Ironic this turned out to be. How from day 1 to Saturday, as time passed, the scales tipped and the outcome unfolded. I just thought it was "Hilarious" like a mean game hilarious.
The one thing though, that G said to me that initially I was really hurt by was:
You Missed Your Chance.
That's all that happened, C. He probably did like you. He liked you enough to ask you out for coffee. Twice. In a guys rule book. Twice is enough. You don't ask again. My defense was I didn't say no. But I guess it doesn't matter. He asked you out and you brushed it off. But he still had to see you almost every day. So what else was he supposed to do? He could still be friendly (and maybe flirty) because he had to see you every day.
So..... that's it. Maybe he actually was single or maybe he really was just ridiculously friendly. But you know what. It doesn't matter anymore.
The only thing I feel right now is I feel stupid for asking him out because his reply was so ..... so ..... disgusting, now that I think about it. I have a girlfriend..... and thanks, you're sweet. Here comes the hate, Hahahaha. No matter what actually happened I will still think he was messing around with me towards the end.
He didn't have a girlfriend and wasn't interested.
He didn't have a girlfriend and was interested.
He did have a girlfriend and wasn't interested.
He did have a girlfriend and was interested.
I gotta stop dissecting this. It's just sad to me no matter what.
But I'll be okay. This one hurts way less.
Monday, September 21, 2015
Sunday, September 20, 2015
Still in awe
So here's the story that resulted in the worst possible outcome I could imagine.
On Friday. I didn't have class or work. I had the whole day off and no plans. So I was just gonna loaf around the entire day.
But then the chain reaction started.
I decided I was going to go donate blood. So I got ready and heading over to the clinic. On the way down to catch the train I bumped into brother F. Wow. Kinda random. I've never bumped into my brother before even though we live and work quite close. So anyways I get to the Donor Clinic and get my veins on. They work! Horray! I sit and eat soup for who knows how long. Get up and leave and while waiting for the train to go back. I bump into brother T. Whoa. Now that is really weird. 2 brothers in the same day. It kinda spooked me and I was thinking what else was gonna happen today !
Anways, I eventually get on the train to go to Londonderry. More specifically to McDonalds because I was on the prowl for the last Hello Kitty Toy. I get off the train and JUST miss the bus. DANG, now I gotta wait 15 mintues for the next bus. Oh well whatever. So time dwaddles on and I get to Londonderry. McDonalds does not have the toy I am looking for so I book it outta there. I'm leaving Londonderry and I see my bus coming. I'm not going to make it, its a red light.
OH FUCK IT.
And I ran. And of course I caught the bus and made it to the train station in record timing. As I'm on the train heading back downtown I see some Golden Arches right before I pull into Stadium Station.
So.
I decide to get off.
I get off and walk to the McDonalds and there is a new Hello Kitty Toy there !!!
Excitedly I walk back and I hear the train coming.
I book it again but this time I don't catch the train. So. I'm sitting there waiting. With my bags and my Happy Meal, and I'm deciding how to get to gramma's next. I could get off at Central Station and catch the bus on Jasper because there are more busses there. Or I could get off at Churchill and wait for the one bus that comes there. The train comes and I get on. Still can't decide. Finally I figure getting off at Churchill will be faster. So I get off.
But.
Instead of walking to the bus stop to catch the bus.
I decide to walk to my grandparent's place instead
And during that walk, which so many decisions and timings and missed busses lead me to,
I bumped into UPS man.
I walked almost right past him because I didn't recognize him. I took out an earphone in case he wanted to chat, and I heard him motion to his friends to go on ahead and he would catch up.
And we chatted for a bit.
He asked why I wasn't at work and I told him I didn't work anymore. That I was back in school.
He laughed and said, "You quit because I stopped showing up right!"
And I panicked and laughed and said maybe.
He told me they had just finished some hearing at the ASA building about demolishing some historical buildings, yadda yadda. We talked about his broken hip. And then that was it.
He left and I left the other way
I thought. Holy Shit. How did that just happen. That After 3 months of not seeing UPS man I bump into him here. And I was really kick ass happy. It was a really good day. I went and saw my grandparents and had my happy meal and then went to the studio and started sewing the yellow ranger hoodie. It really was a good day!
It really was a good day
It was a good day if it had ended there and I never woke up again.
But of course I did.
And I woke up with the idea that I should ask UPS man out. All that stuff happened for a reason (I will eventually get to that reason).
So. I decided I was going to ask UPS man to the mid Autumn Lantern Festival.
I got to work and opened up Facebook and started to get shaky hand syndrome. Heart was racing like I did when the UPS van pulled up but it was only fake UPS man.
12pm rolls around and I compose a simple message:
Hey.....uhm.... do you wanna go to a mid-autumn lantern festival tonight?
It took me an hour to hit send.
Someone stop me from doing this. Someone stop me from doing this. Kept repeating in my head.
But nobody stopped me and I sent it.
The self help book that Dave had given me after our break up told me. If you are having trouble making a decision or deciding what to do, ask yourself. 'What is the worse thing that can happen, and will you be able to accept that?'
And I said.... Well.... the worst thing that could happen is he would say he's already got plans, or worst worst case No, I'm not Interested" And... I would be sad for a little bit but I would get better.
So I sent it.
Jeff's reply was:
Hey I would like to but I've got daughters ....... and a girlfriend
Thanks tho. You're a real sweet girl Corinna
....... No C, you were wrong. That is the worst thing that could have happened.
He has a fucking girlfriend?!!!
I could not stop saying WOW for a good 10 minutes yesterday.
HE HAS A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND
Is this a normal fucking thing to do? For a guy to seemingly flirt almost every time he sees her, tell her she looks nice, or tell her dress is nice, or find out her name and address or pull over in the middle of Jasper and stop and give her candy? But have a girlfriend in the back pocket?
Shit C, he's just really really friendly.
Well FUCK YOU friendly. You can go be friendly to someone else.
On Friday. I didn't have class or work. I had the whole day off and no plans. So I was just gonna loaf around the entire day.
But then the chain reaction started.
I decided I was going to go donate blood. So I got ready and heading over to the clinic. On the way down to catch the train I bumped into brother F. Wow. Kinda random. I've never bumped into my brother before even though we live and work quite close. So anyways I get to the Donor Clinic and get my veins on. They work! Horray! I sit and eat soup for who knows how long. Get up and leave and while waiting for the train to go back. I bump into brother T. Whoa. Now that is really weird. 2 brothers in the same day. It kinda spooked me and I was thinking what else was gonna happen today !
Anways, I eventually get on the train to go to Londonderry. More specifically to McDonalds because I was on the prowl for the last Hello Kitty Toy. I get off the train and JUST miss the bus. DANG, now I gotta wait 15 mintues for the next bus. Oh well whatever. So time dwaddles on and I get to Londonderry. McDonalds does not have the toy I am looking for so I book it outta there. I'm leaving Londonderry and I see my bus coming. I'm not going to make it, its a red light.
OH FUCK IT.
And I ran. And of course I caught the bus and made it to the train station in record timing. As I'm on the train heading back downtown I see some Golden Arches right before I pull into Stadium Station.
So.
I decide to get off.
I get off and walk to the McDonalds and there is a new Hello Kitty Toy there !!!
Excitedly I walk back and I hear the train coming.
I book it again but this time I don't catch the train. So. I'm sitting there waiting. With my bags and my Happy Meal, and I'm deciding how to get to gramma's next. I could get off at Central Station and catch the bus on Jasper because there are more busses there. Or I could get off at Churchill and wait for the one bus that comes there. The train comes and I get on. Still can't decide. Finally I figure getting off at Churchill will be faster. So I get off.
But.
Instead of walking to the bus stop to catch the bus.
I decide to walk to my grandparent's place instead
And during that walk, which so many decisions and timings and missed busses lead me to,
I bumped into UPS man.
I walked almost right past him because I didn't recognize him. I took out an earphone in case he wanted to chat, and I heard him motion to his friends to go on ahead and he would catch up.
And we chatted for a bit.
He asked why I wasn't at work and I told him I didn't work anymore. That I was back in school.
He laughed and said, "You quit because I stopped showing up right!"
And I panicked and laughed and said maybe.
He told me they had just finished some hearing at the ASA building about demolishing some historical buildings, yadda yadda. We talked about his broken hip. And then that was it.
He left and I left the other way
I thought. Holy Shit. How did that just happen. That After 3 months of not seeing UPS man I bump into him here. And I was really kick ass happy. It was a really good day. I went and saw my grandparents and had my happy meal and then went to the studio and started sewing the yellow ranger hoodie. It really was a good day!
It really was a good day
It was a good day if it had ended there and I never woke up again.
But of course I did.
And I woke up with the idea that I should ask UPS man out. All that stuff happened for a reason (I will eventually get to that reason).
So. I decided I was going to ask UPS man to the mid Autumn Lantern Festival.
I got to work and opened up Facebook and started to get shaky hand syndrome. Heart was racing like I did when the UPS van pulled up but it was only fake UPS man.
12pm rolls around and I compose a simple message:
Hey.....uhm.... do you wanna go to a mid-autumn lantern festival tonight?
It took me an hour to hit send.
Someone stop me from doing this. Someone stop me from doing this. Kept repeating in my head.
But nobody stopped me and I sent it.
The self help book that Dave had given me after our break up told me. If you are having trouble making a decision or deciding what to do, ask yourself. 'What is the worse thing that can happen, and will you be able to accept that?'
And I said.... Well.... the worst thing that could happen is he would say he's already got plans, or worst worst case No, I'm not Interested" And... I would be sad for a little bit but I would get better.
So I sent it.
Jeff's reply was:
Hey I would like to but I've got daughters ....... and a girlfriend
Thanks tho. You're a real sweet girl Corinna
....... No C, you were wrong. That is the worst thing that could have happened.
He has a fucking girlfriend?!!!
I could not stop saying WOW for a good 10 minutes yesterday.
HE HAS A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND
Is this a normal fucking thing to do? For a guy to seemingly flirt almost every time he sees her, tell her she looks nice, or tell her dress is nice, or find out her name and address or pull over in the middle of Jasper and stop and give her candy? But have a girlfriend in the back pocket?
Shit C, he's just really really friendly.
Well FUCK YOU friendly. You can go be friendly to someone else.
Saturday, September 19, 2015
Tuesday, September 01, 2015
I Fucked Up
I Fucked Up, You Guys.
I shouldn't have messages UPS Man. I'm can feel myself slipping into the sadness again.
He didn't message me back and I feel absolutely horrible. I few stupid and I'm constantly wondering why. I thought he wanted to get to know me. He always said nice things to me when I saw him at work. So what happened? Did he think I was a loser? Did he think I was immature? I feel sad and stupid.
I feel sad that he would judge me based on my Facebook life and he didn't even try to get to know me.
I feel immensely sad. Sad and stupid all over again. I'm not supposed to let those kind of guys get to me anymore. If they aren't willing to invest time in me, then they aren't worth my time either.
But I feel sad and can't stop thinking. He must think I'm a huge loser.
What a meanie.
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