You never did for me.
Dave sent me Happy New Years on the 1st. It was the first message I saw when I finally opened my eyes. Of course I cried ! It motivated me to get out of bed and meet my family for dimsum, who I told I wasn't coming. I talked to him on and off for the rest of the day. And right as I went to bed. I told him I needed him to leave me alone. And then I closed my eyes. When I opened them again he hadn't replied back. And he didn't the next day or the day after.
But then. A week later he sent me a message. He invited me to his birthday party. It made me mad that even now he still doesn't listen to the things I ask of him. That he was very selfish always thinking about what would make him feel better, and not how I would feel too. Doesn't he realize how much more he makes my heart hurt? So, so painful. Maybe I shouldn'tve told him his messages made me happy. They did, but only for a split second. And then it was like August all over again. Random people tell me he does it because he misses me. But I think he does it because he feels guilty. Regardless of the answer my heart hurts. Day 21 today. The longest I made it without messaging Dave was 26 days. I need to make it past that. I hadn't cried for a really really long time, but I started again yesterday in the movie theatre. I really need to stop going to those. No matter what type of movie, I haven't made it out of there without crying. Even if its a comedy. Too much sitting around and time to let my mind wander. Today after I got home I started sobbing again too. I wish I didn't, and I don't know why I started again either. If only I was stronger. I just wish I had someone to talk too. Someone to just keep my mind busy so that I didn't think so much. Then maybe everything wouldn't remind me of him. And everything wouldn't be so painful...
Anyways. I waited till midnight. Happy Birthday. I hope you have a horrible day filled with sorrow and regret. You probably won't, but it doesn't hurt to try.
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