hiiiiiii......
sitting at home, watching tv. being unproductive. I actually feel kinda sick today, my stomache feels funny. ugggggh, im just falling into a slump again. i need a job so bad. I feel so horrible that I've finshed 6 years of schooling and i can't even get a fuckin retail job. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. i just want.....a clean slate....an empty mind....nothing to think about nothing to worry about. job, one year plan, michael, being single. i dont know how people do it. theres so much stuff for me to worry about, and at the same time, the stuff i'm worrying about is SO DUMB. like.....how many millions of people are umemployed, or unable to work, and i cant just suck it up? i hate feeling this useless, wakingg up and having nothing to do. i hate that michael is so....so.....carefree??? am i complaining that hes too carefree???? wtf. this guy has probably less money than in his account than me, and the second he gets a bit more than that he spends it all on something useless. I dont understand why he can't see that HES NOT RICH ANYMORE. i feel like he's still trying to impress everyone with money that he doesn't have. he always scolded me for being so senseless and childish, and here HE IS blowing his life away. i cant even comprehend why i still care so much. ugh my brother just came home and asked me *how can you stay at home and do nothing all day*..... HAH. if he only understood how i feel. how ever day i stay at home makes me feel more and more depressed. makes me feel more and more confused and makes me wonder why the hell was i born if i can't succeed......
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