if lifes gonna suck, why live it?

I'd really like an answer to that question sometime. Feel free to help me out whenever you can God. Its just really depressing to know that sometimes I feel like i have no one to talk to, no one to go to, and no one to cry too. I had a really nice time today at the Chinese New Year Banquet. I laughed lots and smiled more cuz I was with a bunch of friends. Its something that I haven't done in a really long time. So yeah it was nice. And then my fucking brothers went and ruined my day. I got a ride to T's place to pick up some stuff and change shoes. And because it started to get cold (and late) I called up my brothers to come pick me up. And they were like *tsk wehre are you* and i was like *it wont take that long cuz i'm not that far* and he was like *fuck, your 2 blocks away WALK HOME* and i got so angry. WHO the fuck tells their baby sister to walk home in the middle of the night, in the cold, in a skirt??? I fucking cried while walking home. ugh it makes me SO angry cuz they always ruin my days. I think i've lost weight, and i know i'm losing sleep. I wore my cheungsam that i wore for grad 4 years ago. And it used to be really snug. I put it on today and i could pinch like a few inches of excess material around the waist. Ugh. i go to bed so late, cuz its the only time i can study and get homework done. And then my brother wake me up at like 6AM with his alarm that he refuses to turn off till an hour later. And THEN after his shower he turns on ALL the lights in the room and makes all this noise. Its really depressing. And to top things off, i my brothers are serious inconsiderate fucks. I sacrifice so much for them, and i get absolutely nothing in return. I'm positive that my health is deteriorating because of them. I hate seeing my family unhappy. So that was the main reason why i gave my 2nd brother my room. He was sleeping on the couch for the longest time. And it made me really upset cuz he did that.... even though the most fucking easiest and logical thing for him to do would've been to share a room w/ my older brother. Because basically, both of them go to bed early, and both of them get up at the same time... so no one would be disturbing anyone. And both are heavy sleepers anyways. But whatever, so i gave my brother his own room. And instead of being grateful and happy. That little fuck, he just moved in, and i practically never see him anymore. He comes home, and goes into his room, until dinner, where he eats dinner in his room. I can go a week w/o saying a single word 2 him. It makes me so angry cuz hes so fucking stuck up and full of himself. Like hes too good to come and have supper w/ us. ARG. i just dont understand how i can be related to those jerks sometimes. And like.... what makes me really depressed is that I have no one to talk too when i really need someone. I lost my cell couple days ago. So i lost all my friends contact numbers. And my internet isn't working so i can't get ahold of any of them except I. It just bothers me a lot, cuz a lot of times when i'm angry i dont want to be at home, cuz i dont have any privacy anymore. But i dont have anyone/where to go too. Since I & C moved away i just feel really lonely a lot. And... i dunno why, but even when i do have like... jess out here or something, even still i have trouble voicing my saddness. Its like... i dont want to make others worry about me either, and like.... shes my brothers cousin too, so what is she supposed 2 say about them? Aaaah, but at the same time i know its bad that i keep it all bottled up. Anyways i gotta go now. I walked to the cybercafe btw, cuz our internet is not working and i didn't want to be at home...