I'm not.
Not exactly, anyways.
I've never felt so consistently sad before. Every day. Every single day. I think to myself at least once.
I don't want to be here.
I wish I wasn't here anymore.
When is this life going to be over.
I'm going to the doctor's this Friday and I think I'm going to ask if I can start some sort of medication. I couldn't beat it on my own.
It makes me kind of sad. But, I don't think I have anything to lose anymore. Except my life, I guess.
I'm really sad and I don't want to live with my brother anymore. I just tried so hard when they both left me alone at the condo to clean up their mess. I tried so hard to clean it up and make it my home. I spent a lot of money to get rid of all their junk and all of these bad memories. After all my hard work I finally had a place I was happy to come home to. It was clean and empty. I had a routine that I fell into where I kept it clean. There was no clutter. I got rid of everything.
I was so happy.
But then my brother moved in. It wasn't even his fault because of the condo. It was okay for the first little bit. But then a year passed. Two years passed. And I sit here in front of my computer and look around. There is so much junk everywhere. I gave up trying to keep it clean. It was pointless. I couldn't vacuum, I couldn't sweep. I couldn't do anything.
And I fell sad again.
There is literally nothing I can do right now. There isn't a light at the end of the tunnel right now because he can't move out and he doesn't know when.
I feel so sad.
Today, I was feeling not good so I came home and went to sleep right after work. I dreamed that Brendan sent me a text. He just wanted to say "Hi" and sent me a handful of pictures and most of them were just random funny photos. I remember laughing because they were so stupid, but then I started crying because I missed him.
And then I woke up and realized I was dreaming. That he didn't text me. That he didn't miss me.
I'm doing great ya'll
