One Year Ago Today I Started Feeling Better.
I know because I wrote a post on December 16th, 2013 saying so.
Ironic.
One year ago today a boy was the reason I was finally able to crawl out of my slump, and today because of a boy I fell back in again.
You're such a silly girl. Look at all those posts you wrote about Andrew. You knew he wasn't making you happy so why did you stick around. You silly, stupid girl.
My heart hurt so much today. I just thought that maybe you would understand me. I knew you had problems and I thought maybe you were like me and that you would understand. That you understood how being alone felt and how it hurt. But you didn't. You might actually be worse than Dave, in terms of making me feel alone. This was one of the last things I said to him while we were still dating.
I never expect to be first in your life. Or even second. But I can't be last on the list because it would make me feel so worthless.
Am I that hard to deal with? I must be if 2 people since Dave haven't been able to stick around me longer than a few months. I never realized how bad it was. It makes me really sad. I thought I was doing really good with Andrew. I thought the reason I met him was to make me learn that it was okay to not expect a reply right away. I was doing okay. I thought so anyways. But. I should have known. You didn't really care at all, even after I told you.
I read somewhere before that, if you start a new relationship, don't ever compare it to a previous one. That's where it goes wrong. Treat it like a brand new story. And I guess I didn't do that. That's my fault, and I guess I'll say sorry for that.
I feel sad again today. I couldn't stop crying at work and almost got sent home. I've never cried in front of someone before, so I suppose that means it hurt a lot this time.
Just breathe. You'll be okay in a couple months.
