I'm super overwhelmed right now and yet I don't feel a single thing.
Work was up the wall today and I didn't feel angry.
Andrew didn't message me at all today after I got mad at him and I didn't feel sad.
So, so much sewing to do before Saturday and I don't feel stressed.
Maybe I've used up all my emotions. Is this possible?
Is it unreasonable to like a text reply back within 3 hours? Am I being crazy possessive bitch? I dunno. I don't think its too much to ask. It's not even hard.
brb
Look. That took like 3 seconds to type. I dunno. I'm going mental I think. I keep telling myself this and yet I don't listen. Your'e just not meant to be in a relationship. You overthink and worry and become the worst person. Or maybe you're doing the right thing and just listening to your gut? These small things you're trying so hard not to care about actually really do bother you. So weed them out. It's not fair, and its not nice, and its inconsiderate to me. I don't think its hard at all to write a simple 'Yes or No or Maybe' back to someone in a timely manner is it? I think Andrew has some deep dark secrets as well, but he doesn't like talking. I try, but its just not going anywhere. We're both broken.
Or maybe just I'm broken.
I remember saying to Dave. I don't ever expect to be #1 in your life, but I would like to be somewhere on that list. And he couldn't accommodate that.
So... yeah. That's my reasoning for over-reacting when people don't respond to my texts.
I'm not worth their time.
It hurts you know.
Just having some brain thoughts with myself today.
I told Andrew last week when I had that mini shit storm that the thought of dating scared me. I thought I was just over exaggerating, but maybe I'm not. I don't like the me that I turn into when I'm dating. Because when I'm dating it means someone cares about me. It means someone is willing to listen to me. And I have a lot to say when someone says they'll listen. What do you expect, I bottle it up so well.
Sigh. I dunno. I hope life ends soon. I'm tired.
