It's 1:30am

And I'm up and blogging again.

Not a good sign.

2 feet on the ground, C. 2 feet on the ground at all times.

Perhaps I was a bit preemptive in my last post. Yeah. My 3 crushes messaged me almost simultaneously out of no-where. But maybe it's my wishful thinking that it meant something. Ha-ha. I don't think I ever should be in a relationship again. Probably not going to happen but if I wanted to continue being a strong person and to keep growing. I shouldn't. Just the thought of some guy being interested in me turns me into a complete dunce. Heck, even writing in here again. I've been doing really really well, productive, getting so much done, growing, goals achieved this entire year, all because I decided I wanted to be alone. And them a silly boy maybe enters into my life and throws all my productivity out the window. Causes my brain to go into overdrive and over thinking. I want someone to spend time with and someone I can talk to, but I don't think I can. Does that make sense? I want to date slowly and not jump in and fall. But I don't know how to do that. My heart doesn't know how to do that. It just runs whenever someone interesting steps into your life.

So, in April I went to an old co-workers birthday party and met some of her friends. One of those was kind of a cute guy. We added each other on FB and never really talked. He just liked a lot of my photos. He's pretty different from me, probably what interested me about him. Anyways, we didn't really talk but someone I got his number last week and we've been texting back and fourth for a bit. I figured he might be interested.

That same week. I was sitting in the staff room at work having late lunch by myself. My coworker, who I don't know how but I recently started to find attractive walked past the staff room. Then he ran back in a gave me a HUGE teddy bear hug and said 'You looked so Lonely!" then ran off. And then every so often he would refer to me as 'doll' or 'my love'. In a joking context of course. But it suddenly started happening.

And finally. On Friday while heading out of town to go camping, none other than the notorious PonyboyC messages me and asks how I'm doing...... Uh, wtf, right? I thought he wanted a costume made for the Expo but when I mentioned it nothing was brought up. Maybe he was looking for a hook-up. I dunno what would have happened if he was....

My co-workers friend is the one I'm most interested in right now, probably because he's 'new and exciting', but this week I've been feeling kinda down. Maybe from the poor camping diet, or bad sleeping habit this week. We were texting a lot last week and then the last 2 days it kinda died down. And of course that gets over active brain thinking and wondering. Is it me? Did I bore him? Did I say something that he didn't like? And then I think to myself. Eff. What the heck is wrong with you. You don't even know this guy and you're getting all riled up again. Did you decide you didn't want this shit anymore and after you broke up with Dave you said you didn't want to date again until you were strong enough? Isn't today clear indication that you aren't? Getting worked up over a stranger who didn't text you back. You recognized that feeling today at work. The feeling of disappointment from checking your phone and seeing he didn't respond back. And then again at home today. What does that tell you C. That you still haven't grown up enough yet.

Never. Don't Ever Fall for Anyone Again.

What Just Happened....

So. I appear to somehow be in a Love Rectangle of some sort?

The 3 guys I currently have a crush on all started talking to me suddenly this week. 

Just missing B and it woulda been a Love Pentagon ....