planning for my summer?

Hey all, after finishing my big china 302 translation project i decided to reward myself by reading 3 naruto mangas. This is where i found my next animethon costume! Hahah assuming that I'm still in Canada, let alone Edmonton, i'm gonna be Kimimaro from Naruto! Yaaaay. hahah whats with me and liking to dress up as efeminate men? Anyways, that pic on the right..no left hahah is Kimimaro. Of course i dont have his chest, or the ability to take out my bones... but you get the idea. Hahah. ....oh.... have i previously mentioned that I might be going to china again?

dilema, dilema....

dilema should be my middle name. lifes full of em' Okay, welp just gonna get straight to the point i guess. So something COMPLETELY unexpected happened yesterday. Um I came home after visiting my gramma and checked my email, and there was like 10 messages. wow. ive never gotten 10 messages in a week. And strangely there was a message from my chinese instructor....
So apparently I was chosen to receive a full scholarship to go to school in China for a semester that covers tuition, texts, accomodations and basic meals..... *holy....fuck....* I was totally not expecting that. I had to go lie down after. And when i got up i went to check my email again to make sure i wasn't dreaming. And then after i told jess and a few friends, i went to check it again. and then when i finally called my parents and told them. I checked it one last final time.... still there. geezus. I still cannot belive I got that scholarship. Like everybody i know must be thinking what the hell am i waiting for. Anybody else would jump at an opportunity like this. But. i dunno its not that easy a decision for me. Its really scary going to a place where you dont know anyone. Where after your class you dont get to go home to your familiar house, see familiar faces, sleep in your own bed. its scary. blarg.... i wish i got this notice after exams. I've still got a lot of hw to do, and exams to study for. Don't need another reason to keep me awake at night. sigh....
Welp, in anycase, i'm probably leaning towards yes... Its just really my nerves thats scared right now.

今天啦....

今天啦....很奇怪。哎呀， 我真的不明白这个世界。为什么我喜欢的人，不喜欢我。喜欢我的人，我不喜欢。今天我下班时我镇伤心心痛。为什么？因为....哎呀，因为他没有等我。每次一下班的时候，拜拜都不说就马上走了。虽然这是一件很简单的事，可是对我来说呢这是说他对我一点兴趣都没有。我也不是很喜欢很喜欢他。可是他一点感觉都没有真让我失望。我真不明白。他喜欢跟我开玩笑，有时候好像跟我调清....*sigh* 可能我想得太多了。也再来一个单相思啦。我不想 :(

i just wish that people could understand what i'm going through. That everything people say and dont say to me i keep it in the heart. I'm a sensitive shit. I dont like it when people are upset with me, and i dont like it when people ignore me. fuck my brother of all people should know that having been through the whole having a fake best friend ordeal. It hurts me so much to see someone who used to be so close to me become so distant. And at the same time be the one that causes so many people i care for so much pain. do you know what your doing to me? seeing everything that you do and don't do and all the pain that you put everyone through worrying so much about you? what the hell happened. why can't i have my old brother back.